Christmas Giving and Receiving

Christmas is a time of giving. I put a lot of myself into the gifts I make for my daycare family. This year was especially time consuming, very rewarding and I feel that it is a keepsake for my families (DVD's that captured some of the best of each family's childrens video moments plus a yearbook filled with many different ideas than the previous years).

It is also a time that I am on the receiving end of several gifts. The gifts that are the most precious, don't cost a thing. A few words of gratitude scrawled on a scrap of paper means the world to me. These are the gifts that I hold onto forever. I don't need or want for anything. Just a few kind words carries me through a lot of the year.

Gratitude - being on the giving and receiving end of it, is truly the best gift. I have spent hours/days/the better part of a week putting together my keepsakes for my families. The more I do it, the less I hear "Thank you". It is so disheartening. But my gift is coming from the right place, so as much as I hope for that heartfelt "Thank you", I simply can't not do this. It's become a year end gift to myself.

To wrap up a year and put it all together in the form of a gift serves to remind me of the positive in our days here.

To anyone thinking that they can't afford Christmas and all material gift-giving, please remember that the best gift of all is a heartfelt note to someone who has impacted your life in some way. Trust me - chocolates come and go, flowers die, gift cards get spent ... but the gift that lasts forever, is the memory of someone taking the time to write a few sentences that can say as little as "Thank you for being you".

An Annual Review

This is the fourth year that I have made up a yearbook for my daycare family. It consists of a poem that wraps up our year and names all of the kids and a tiny little bit about them; a 'bio' section with an individual photo and a write up about that child; some snapshots of our year and an autograph page at the end (that all the kids 'sign'). I really considered ending that tradition this year ... but in the end, I just couldn't do it. It's a nice way to recap the year, focus on the positive and gift to my families as a memento of their child's growing up years.

I've let a lot of negativity seep into my being, this year. It took many, many tries before I could deal with the 'Christmas poem' part of my yearbook this year. Every time I tried rhyming my little stories together, I could feel the negativity. So I tabled the idea, went to work on DVD's for my families (compiling video footage of the year and tried to individualize each DVD so that each child's ''best movie moments'' is on their own DVD).

As I worked on the DVD's, the tides slowly shifted. I was watching edited moments of my days here - video footage where I try to focus on what is good about our days. Sometimes the final production is very edited, but at the end of the day is there really any point on focusing on what went wrong with the day? An afternoon scanning our happy daycare moments put me in the right frame of mind to write my 'Christmas poetry' at last.

Yesterday, I got on a roll with our yearbook and I do believe that it is the best one yet. Some new ideas, a good dose of positive attitude, focusing on the kids and thinking of how I want all of us to remember this year resulted in something I'm rather pleased with.

This is what I love about Christmas. It forces me to focus on the good stuff. It pulls me out of ruts and makes me excited about the challenges I've overcome and I'm ready to face the future (and new year) with a renewed perspective on things.

As a daycare provider, you really need positive forces in your life. In most other jobs, you are surrounded with a supervisor and coworkers that can help you keep focused on the end goal (not always though - sometimes the negativity of poor morale at work, serve to bring you down instead). I'd love to rally daycare providers together as a support system. Not a gathering where you focused on the negative - but a meeting of the minds, sharing ideas, support and encouragement.

In the mean time, I shall keep blogging - here and on my daycare blog for my parents. And if all else fails, I'll make up a yearbook to push me back into a positive perspective!

I Believe I've Turned a Corner!

The past month has been a challenging one for me. I know that focusing on the negative aspects of my daycare world was my downfall. Realizing that I believe I'm ready to lessen my daycare load and take on new ways to earn an income has shifted my thinking. Feeling overwhelmed with some of the many projects that I have added to my life has not helped matters.

But something changed this week. I felt happy, had more tolerance and patience with the kids and I just generally felt back to my normal self once again.

Focusing on what is good about my day is vital to my sanity. I know this, I try to live this, I've made decisions that help me persevere with this ... and every now and again, I still get stuck in a downward spiral. It is hard to drag yourself out of the vortex of those emotions. Especially when you feel that you have good reason to feel the way you do.

Maybe a person is justified with feeling those negative emotions. But who does it hurt, when you nurture them and let them grow?

My focus this week was on why the kids seem to be more discontent than usual. Am I the source? How would I feel if I was the parent dropping off my children at my daycare? If I was the parent, what would I expect from my daycare provider?

I started looking at things from where the kids stand. I made a deal with a grumpy soul that arrived one day. I told her that I would act happy, if she would act happy. I admitted to her, that I have been very grouchy lately and I needed to change. I don't know if she understood everything I was trying to say. But ... we both acted happier and we both had a much better day.

When the parents of this same crusty girl came to me to ask what they could do to deal with this child's behaviour, I admitted that I was worried that she didn't want to come here anymore. I was assured that had nothing to do with it. It is a behaviour that is happening consistently at home and they were afraid that I was going to call them at work that day (to come and take her home) because their morning had spiralled out of control. These parents trust me! And are looking to me for advice. I felt complimented that they felt this way. The 6 1/2 years that I have been tending their children has built a solid foundation , that is getting us through the rockier times.

All in all, it was a good week. The tides have changed and I don't feel like the ogre inside of me is winning any more.

Parent/Daycare Interviews

I have just returned from my son's parent/student/teacher conference tonight and I couldn't help but think how such a conference could serve a purpose in the daycare world.

My son has come home with different challenges and issues this year and I admit that I walked into the interview with less than a positive feeling. But after listening to his teacher talk with him and how she described what she is seeing from her vantage point, it put an entirely different spin on things for me.

I would be foolish to think that the kids that I watch over don't tell their parents what happens in our day. And how does it sound, when I am so often frustrated with our days??

As my parents drop off and pick up their kids, we have a chance to briefly chat about things here. It is a chaotic time at times and having kids demanding their parent's attention, other kids around and vying for attention as well, this isn't the most conducive atmosphere for conversation. To set aside a time for quiet conversation with my parents sounds like an excellent way to keep everyone up to speed on what is happening on all fronts.

As I berated myself for my harsh judgement of a teacher that I had never met, I realized that my parents could feel the same way about me. I am working for and with them, in raising their children. We really should feel like a team.

I should really try to find a way to make the time for the parents to come in and talk with me. Keeping the lines of communication open is vital. If we aren't working together on this, are we working against each other?

Kid Dynamics

As I sit in the midst of the din that is my day, my musings are leaning towards the thought, "Why is this particular group of kids getting along so well?"

I think that it has a lot to do with the 'leader' of the group. Most often it is the oldest in the group that sets the tone for the day, though not always. The dominant personality usually takes over (or bands with another dominant soul) when the natural order of the day falls into place.

Today, the oldest is 4 years old. He can be a quiet little guy when he's on his own, but if he is placed in with a group of wild and crazy guys, he can keep up with the best of them. Today, the next oldest one is 3 years old and willing to follow his lead (some of the time anyway). The rest of the gang are 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old. They seem to be falling into the energy level of the day.

I don't have any brother/sister combos here today. I find that having siblings together makes quite a difference in the dynamic. They fall into familiar habits and comfort levels when they are together. This often means arguing, bugging and generally more irritating forms of play.

I have looked after all of my 2 to 3 year olds, since they were 1 year old and they have adapted to the rules of conduct around here. When this happens, it makes for a calmer day. I believe in having fun without running, screaming, tattling and demanding attention. My 3 year old has been a challenge. Her idea of playing was to grab toys (and thus the attention) and simply butt into the middle of any game that was being played. But the past few months, she has been here without her older brother. And at long, long last she seems to actually be playing with the other kids (not just bugging them).

I've had some rather challenging days this past while. Today isn't one of them. Days like today are the reason I keep at this job. My perseverance pays off now and again. Being in a house with well behaved kids is rather heavenly.

Adult Intervention

"The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old."
~Joan Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957

I've just heard the comment that my mom thinks that I talk a lot ...

I let the words settle and have realized that I have become the 'chatty care provider' that all of my daycare providers were (when I was the working parent). It is the curse of being around 1 to 5 year olds for 10 hours of your day and not living with or having regular contact with another adult person.

It's not even that I need to talk about my days with the kids. It's the need to talk to an adult person on an adult level. I write excessively, I keep adding things to challenge my mind to my life, I am in fairly regular contact with friends ... and I still talk too much!!

I think it is that it is the company that I keep all day ... the voices in my mind that don't just go away because it is quiet. The voices and conversations (or lack of), of my kid-set.

If ever there was a need for an intervention of the adult mind ... this is it. Yes ... I know that I talk too much ... I just can't seem to stop.

"Hello, my name is Colleen. And I'm a talkaholic."

That is the first step.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I normally have a lot of compassion and patience for people, when things are beyond their control. These past 3 or more weeks, that hasn't been the case.

I feel like I'm on week #4 of not knowing what to expect in my daycare days. The first few weeks were frustrating. Then I wrote out my concerns in a newsletter and felt like I regained some equilibrium. But nothing has changed. Not a thing.

The unfortunate thing, is that 2 of my families (with young children) are in a very unpredictable spot in their own lives right now. They can't tell me what they don't know. So it feels like every day is a surprise.

I don't enjoy surprises. Not when I have the comings and goings of the number of children that I have. We are confined to the house due to weather, too many young ones and the fact that parents simply don't bring the appropriate clothing for the weather.

I honestly don't know what to do. There are no answers. I want to walk away from it all right now. I have let 2 family's uncertain schedules throw me for a loop. The patience that I require, to tend a house full of children is being exhausted by using it on these parents.

The parents have no control over their situation right now. I feel so frustrated and it is coming out as anger. I'm in need of 'daycare provider debriefing' right now! I think I know just who to call ...

Perspective

If you keep focusing on what you don't like about a situation, all you see is the negative. The more you think, the worse it feels. It can start a cycle of negativity that is hard to find your way out of. And that ... is what I have been working to overcome, this week.

As the week wound to a close, I wasn't feeling too great about it.

With there being a holiday on November 11th, I surveyed my parents these past few weeks to see who would be coming on Monday (the 10th). It took a while for everyone to find out - some work Monday and get Tuesday off ... others are taking or have both days off (or one parent had Monday off; the other parent has Tuesday off) ... others have other arrangements for the day ... In the end, one person needed me. And because I had one child coming, I have others that have decided to come for the day (even though a parent has the day off), just because I am here. I believe when all is said and done, I will have 5 kids here. Here, I had silently hoped for a 4 day weekend ...

Oh well ... I digress. These are the thoughts that I was weighed down with, when I closed my door for the evening. I was a little down and frustrated with the thinking of these parents. It's simply something that I never did when I was a working parent.

I stepped away from it all. I went to my dance lesson, I finished watching a show I had taped. Then ... I thought I would start putting together my Friday Video for my daycare blog. I wasn't really in the mood for it. I was more intent on focusing on the negative ... but I started.

Because I started it ... I finished it. What I ended up with, was 3 1/2 minutes (of my 52 1/2 hour week). 3 1/2 minutes of kids on their best behaviour, doing sweet things, laughing and smiling and having fun. I put it to the music "The Greatest Love of All" and the music soothed me. I watched my little movie over and over. And I started to feel like that is the week that I had!

The other thing that I did, was to start to write down the events of 2008 so I could start my Christmas 'poem' that I write up for the kids. When I looked back on the year, there had been very few transitions in our world. The only family that left over the course of the year, is that of a boy that outgrew his need for daycare. I took in 2 new families. And other than that ... there were no other changes (other than the various changes of schedules and requirement of how much or little their kids need to come here).

I have very little turnover when it comes to families in my daycare. There have been some that have come for a short period and it doesn't work for one reason or another. But for the most part, my families come and stay.

That is such a gift. It makes me feel good to have people bring their children to me year after year.

The kids love the stability - not only for themselves, but in the friends that they make when they come. I have often said that I feel that 'my kids' like coming here because of the friendships that they have with each other.

It is also nice for me and the parents. I have gotten to know most of my parents very well. We talk about everything, but I think the thing that makes it all work is that we are of like minds when it comes to the care the child is getting. I'm not saying that I am right for everyone (I'm not a very lovey dovey kind of care giver, I'm afraid) ... but for the parents I work for ... I seem to be a good fit.

I look at my 3 1/2 minute recap of the week, know that I've aired my frustrations in my newsletter and I feel rewarded by a group of families that have come here for many years.

There is a lot more good in my daycare world, than not. It's all in the way you perceive it.

Communication

I took action (any action, when a person feels overwhelmed in an all-kid-world is good) since my rant about pay days and ever changing schedules.

I did what I always do when I feel things are out of my control in my daycare world. I wrote up a newsletter.

My newsletters have become something my parents sort of expect and usually look forward to. I must have had outstanding issues in my last newsletter because my parents had a slightly wary look as I handed it to them this time around (I guess the next time, it is time for all good-news).

The positive thing for me, is that I get a chance to write about what is frustrating me. But I have to weigh my words and let them breathe for a while before I print them off. I came back at it 3 separate times, on 3 separate days before it was ready to go. By the time I was ready to hand out this newsletter, I had put things back into perspective. I had let small things get to me in a big way. The biggest frustration is probably because I am dealing with the same thing from so many different families.

It does me good to put a voice to my feelings and communicate this to the people that are affecting me. It also does me good to find a delicate way to word things so as not to offend. I guess the years that I have been in the daycare business are starting to show. I'm not as tolerant as I used to be.

It is my thinking that it is my responsibility to deal with the frustrations in my world. If I sit back and say nothing, nothing will change. People can't read my mind and it serves no purpose to let things pile up and add resentment to the mix to create a volatile situation. By dealing with the 'small stuff' and as it happens, it keeps things manageable.

When I take control, I feel in control.

Ever Changing Schedules and Pay Days

Once again, I feel a 'rant' in me. When I started this blog, my intent was to focus on the positive, what I've learned, how I handle things and just basically an upbeat read.

But there is a flip side that I need to download right now. I am weighed down by things that are out of my control - the ever changing schedules and pay days.

I sat down and wrote a list of the families that I tend. One third of the families that I work for are my top offenders on: #1 - unpredictable and ever changing schedules and #2 - forgetting to pay me (some families are on both lists; others are on one or the other). There is power in writing this down and seeing it in front of me. Because the past few weeks, it has honestly felt like the majority of families are throwing me curve balls. In reality, it is the minority. I feel better already.

Of the two thirds of the families that create few upheavals to my days, I see a common denominator. I have a flat rate fee in place. Or else their schedule is predictable enough that the income is stable.

I am beginning to see the solution as I write. For those parents who require me to be on call for them full-time, I should be compensated for that.

I have one particularly frustrating scenario where the dad has just gotten a new job where he is on call. They call. He is required to go to work. NO notice. And the kids will be here with no more advance warning than he has. They have no idea how much or when he will be working. It could be next to no hours ... or close to full time ... they cannot let me know ahead of time. This is frustrating beyond belief for me. I look at my calendar to see who is coming for the day. I plan menus (amount and what we are having) based on the food preferences of those that are coming. I may be able to plan a walk, a trip to the park or an outing of some sort depending on how many and who are coming. I plan easy meals for busy days; more time consuming meals on days when I have few. I map out what I can squeeze into the day, based on the kids I have coming. I want to know as much as possible, what lies in store for me in my day so that I can prepare myself mentally and physically.

I have another family that is going through a separation and there is a lot of uncertainty in their world. Thankfully, they have let me know this and they are very good (now) at letting me know what is going on as far as their needs to bring their children. Things were more unpredictable for me when they were together and they both forgot to let me know their schedule. Now, because of their new situation they seem to be more conscientious in letting me know what is going on. Communication is key. When I understand the situation, it is far easier to be flexible to their needs.

A familiar chord among many families, is their forgetfulness in letting me know when and if their children are coming. This is frustrating, but there is a risk of becoming too lackadaisical when children don't show up when I expect them. If it happens a lot, I forget to follow up with a phone call to be sure that they shouldn't be here. I've become immune to worry. Because people consistently fail to show up and not notify me.

Forgetting to pay me has become high on my frustration list. One third of my parents paid me when I expected to be paid this month. Another third paid me a day or two late. The remaining third still hasn't paid me. It is the 4th of the month. Pay day is the 1st. How would they feel if their employers forgot to pay them on time? How forgiving would they be? Granted, there is the time when a parent who religiously pays me on time simply forgets. It is an oversight. I know this and I am embarrassed to bring it to their attention because it is something that never happens. This, I can forgive. It is the habitual habit of paying me late that is frustrating. I am totally flexible on pay days. I let the parents choose when to pay me. My only request is that they follow through and pay me on the date they have chosen. This is my livelihood.

There. The words are out of my system and in a form that I can look at and find ways to resolve the issues at hand. There are fewer offenders than I originally thought. This is why I write. It is therapeutic to get the words out of my head. And when I sit down and see the thoughts in front of my, they become easier to solve. "It's elementary, my dear Watson."

Too Sick For Everything But Daycare

Okay. This is a little rant that I have in me this morning. It's about bringing sick kids to day care.

I honestly feel like I have a very reasonable policy when it comes to sick children. If they have a cold or flu bug the chances that the kids have picked it up here or it has already spread before we knew the child was contagious. So I really don't have a problem with the kids coming here when they aren't feeling up to par.

Even when the chicken pox made their rounds, it was the same thinking. Chicken pox is most contagious before you know your child has it. So to quarantine that child when everyone has already been exposed doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

When it comes to stomach flu symptoms and children are throwing up and not able to make it to the bathroom ... I prefer for children to stay home until their stomach settles down. I once had a 7 yr old who would sit up, look around and then throw up where he sat. I told him that only he knew when he was going to be sick, so to run to the bathroom if he thought he was going to throw up. Well, he tried that. He not only threw up as he ran down the hallway, but he threw up on a child who was in his path. Gross. I keep a pail beside those with queasy stomachs. But personally I feel better if that child stays home. I think the child feels better too.

There are simply times when both the parent and child feel better to stay at home and give and get the special nurturing that only a parent does best. If you bring a sick child to daycare, they aren't going to get that same attention.

Which brings me to yesterday. I got a call from a parent. She had just got confirmation from the doctor that her child had strep throat. This was the mom's regularly scheduled day off of work. And she called me. She wanted to go and see a friend that was having a baby in the hospital (a non-emergency ... she simply wanted to be there). She said she was keeping her child home from school because she was sick and she was contagious. And since she was certain her child picked up this bug from school, she was going to call the school and complain. But ... she wanted to bring her child here for the afternoon so that she could go and visit her friend. I asked her if strep throat was contagious (it is considered contagious until 24 hours after the medication is administered) and all of a sudden she wasn't sure. She wanted her daughter to come here and sleep so that she would be feeling up to going trick or treating last night. Her daughter wanted to go to her grandma's, but "grandma doesn't want you" is what this child was told.

I was flabbergasted. If the parent was asking because she really needed to be at work, I would have felt completely different about the situation. But why would she bring this sick, contagious child here if it was anything less than an emergency? And why would you be considering taking a sick child out trick or treating?

I know that there your child doesn't come with a tailor-made manual for them. But doesn't common sense prevail in cases like this?

Big Brothers, Little Sisters

I have had 7 older brother/younger sister combos in the duration of my daycare business. I have had 6 sister/sister; 3 brother/brother; 4 older sister/younger brother and one brother/sister set of twins. So the dynamic that seems to speak loudest to me is the big bro/little sis combination.

At the moment, I am taking care of 3 different big brother/little sister families. And every family that I've babysat for that has this particular dynamic (coincidentally, they have all had a 2 or 3 year age difference), is that in all cases the sister is either the dominant one of the two. Or else she is a rough and tumble kind of girl that takes no guff.

In every case where the big brother was a quiet, laid back kind of guy it seems that the thinking is "She's crying ... I'll let her have what she wants." The rough and tough brothers seem to think it is all part of the game to make their little sister cry. It doesn't seem to matter if the little sister is used to getting her own way all the time or used to fighting to get what she wants ... you drop them off and set them in a room full of kids ... and there is trouble brewing.

I had the bad day of bad days the other day. Between runny noses, incessant dirty diapers, and a toilet training accident I was flustered enough. But the 'little sister' dynamic ... screaming to get their own way ... or bullying to get what they wanted drove me crazy.

The next day, I timed out each 'little sister' after their first offense. I was firm and told them that every time they acted that way, they wouldn't get to play with the kids. Their actions and behaviours were wrong, I let them know in no uncertain terms that it was not going to be tolerated. And there were no further time-outs. It was a miracle.

Why do we keep going in circles with these behaviours? If I keep reacting in the same way to the same behaviour and their actions don't change ... I have to change my reaction, right? The kids will react the same way every single time. There is either tattling, arguing, overpowering and ultimately loud voices and crying that results. Every time.

The bickering that rings in my ears long after my day is over is the part of this job that I could do without.

I've raised only boys and my boys have been separated by 9 to 11 years so I have not had personal experience in raising a family of children that are close in age. But even with my own family, despite the large age difference there has always been a jealousy and control issue that has surfaced that started when the youngest was around 2 years old. I guess that those issues are at the root of a lot of behaviours no matter how old we are ...

Stealing

Why do kids steal? I'm sure the answers vary upon the child. From the innocence of not knowing it is wrong ... to the simple desire of wanting what isn't yours ... to the thrill of the act of stealing ...

I had a pre-teen that got into trouble with stealing. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that there was a bit of a thrill to it. He had witnessed adults in his life do unscrupulous things and this was a part of the erosion of values that led up to this. Being part of the 'wrong crowd' is another factor. You put it all together and it equals temptation.

One of the children I babysat was caught (after the fact) stealing. She took the 'evidence' home with her and told her parents that she got this from someone at school. When confronted with it the next day, she cried hysterically. She went home and hid the toys ... and the toys were never seen again. I tried to talk to her and she felt so guilty that any time there was any mention of the situation she could only cry. I tried to reason with her and explain to her that the reason that she felt so badly is because she knew what she did was wrong. It would start to feel better when she returned the toys and apologize. She never did. A very long time after that, I heard the tail end of a conversation she was having with another child. She was talking about stealing something (again). I have a bad feeling about this scenario.

I've had toys go home with children on many occasions. In 99% of the cases, the parents make the child bring the toy back and apologize and it doesn't happen again. I had one case where the parent didn't make the child physically bring the missing toy back to me. They just asked me at the end of the day if she returned it (which she hadn't). And that is where that story ended. The child wasn't held accountable and I didn't end up with a feeling that anything was learned, after all was said and done.

Recently, one of the children in my care has taken toys from school. Twice. Each time, the parent has been devastated and made her child return the toy, admit to the teacher what he had done and had a long conversation with him about it. And yet, he did it again. This is a boy who gets anything he asks for. In fact, the parent said that all he would have had to done is ask for the toy and he would have gotten it. That if she didn't get it for him, his dad would. Would that be the root of the problem? He is used to getting what he wants ... so he just figures he can take it? This is a child that has had exceptional reasoning skills since he was 2 years old. His understanding of actions and consequences is well above those of his age group. He has been the victim of someone stealing his toys. Yet, he has taken from others ... twice.

I guess life is a lesson in learning. I admire the parents who make their child accountable and face the natural consequences of their behaviour. Sometimes it takes a few 'lessons' but children will never learn if they aren't taught. The 'why's' of their deeds may remain a mystery ... but in the end, the best thing is to be caught. It is the children that learn that they can get away with stealing that face the bleakest future.

Alone Time

I will be resuming my regular kid-load next week, after a 6 week, doctor-ordered 'work slowdown'. I have still tended my 4 year olds and older - my independent crowd. But I haven't changed a diaper, lifted a child, pushed a stroller, put a child down for a nap or helped feed a child for .. 40 days.

During those 40 days, I have had 9 days where I was completely and totally alone for the 6 hours of the day that the kids were in school. I had 8 afternoons where I was completely and totally alone for the 2 hours the 4 year olds were in preschool. I was alone ... for the first time in what feels like forever.

Being a daycare provider provides precious few opportunities like these. With the varying ages and stages of children, the varying routines of my families and the unexpected changes to those routines (that happen so regularly, they shouldn't be unexpected ... but they always are), there is really no time that I can call my own. 10 1/2 hours of my day are spent working around the schedules of the families in my care. I like to sleep 8 hours ... and in the 5 1/2 hours that are left in my day, I have to squeeze in meals, errands and whatever may need to be done in a day.

Alone-time is a luxury in my world. This post-surgery recovery time has truly been a gift. Quiet. Alone. Time. Time to run an errand ... time to tend to work that I would normally squeeze into my after-supper hours ... time to watch Oprah in the afternoon ... time to doze off ... time to think my own thoughts ... Time.

I feel mentally rejuvenated. My daycare hours have been low-stress these past 6 weeks. It has refuelled me in a way that a regularly scheduled holiday never has. Even during my holidays, I seem to live life in warp-speed trying to squeeze in things that I don't have the time for, in my regularly scheduled life.

I have taken a years leave of absence from my Saturday employment in the hopes that I can hold onto a few hours of down-time, once things get back to their regular hectic pace in my daycare world.

It is my hope to retain of some of this calmness once things pick up around here next week. I think that everyone needs some quiet alone-time. I can especially empathize with those who work in the daycare world, but I believe that absolutely everyone, in every walk of life needs that time alone to rejuvenate themselves for the demands of their every-day life.

This is probably why I am so strict in enforcing 'quiet time' when my house is full of kids. It may not be quite the same as being alone ... but it is at least time to let the world around you be quiet, so that you can rejuvenate a small part of your being.

Sick Days

I am blessed with good health. In the almost 10 years of running my daycare, I honestly can't say that there has been a day that I haven't felt good enough to open my doors to the kids. Except one ...

It was almost 5 weeks ago when I opened my doors in the morning, even though I was quite certain that my day was going to take me to the hospital emergency room. And I was right.

I required emergency hernia surgery. The doctors and nurses efficiently took care of me. I was wheeled into surgery at 10:45 that night and released from the hospital the next afternoon.

My perfect health record came crashing to a halt immediately. Not only did I require time off during that first week just to recover from the surgery, I was told not to lift anything over 10 pounds for 6 weeks!

I took back my 4 yr olds and older, but I just had to take the full 6 weeks off from my 2 yr old and under group. The downfall of feeling so good, so fast is that I knew if I was around my little ones, it would be a reflex action to lift them up, help them up and push myself beyond my doctor ordered limitations. So I am heeding my doctor's advise.

This has put several of my daycare families scrambling for daycare at a moments notice. And this is something that I avoid at all costs. I worked outside the home and I was the one in need of daycare for the first 20 years of my working life. Any disruptions to my daycare resulted in immediate panic in my world, those days. So this scenario is something I never wanted my parents to face. In fact, this surgery that turned into an emergency, was scheduled to take place next summer during my holidays, with LOTS of advance notice so that my parents would be able to plan around it.

I would love to have a back up babysitter to call, at times like this. But entrusting other people's children with another person, places almost impossible standards upon who I would even consider asking. I have 3 people in my circle of friends and family that don't work full time AND that I would trust with my daycare family. And all 3 of those people place such high standards on the job at hand, that I would only ask in the most dire emergency.

This was the one reason that I chose not to become licensed. It is a requirement that you have at least 2 back up babysitters, so that at a time like this, your families aren't without childcare.

Who, at a moments notice, could 'walk into my world' and take over for 6 weeks?? Its a daunting responsibility. And in my experience with licensed daycare, yes ... they did provide childcare in their absence. But a daycare provider that wasn't of my own choosing didn't work out, more often than not.

This is why I try (as much as humanly possible) to give my parents all the notice that I have, when it comes to taking time off. Unfortunately, I didn't have much notice this time.

But the fact that I do have a good track record with my health, giving ample notice and being available when my parent's lives take unexpected turns ... I must say that my parents have been nothing less than amazing during this doctor-ordered work slow down.

This time off to mend has been a gift in many ways. The biggest gift of all, is the amazing group of parents I work for!

Quiet Days

It is great for the kids, when the house is abuzz with kids and activity. On a day to day basis, 'busy' in the daycare world is a good thing.

But today, all of the stars were in the right place and I had exactly the right ages and number of kids to take them on an 'adventure'.

The most excitement that I can round up for the kids, on a day when I have more than 4, is a walking trip to the library ... lunch at a close by McDonald's ... and time to play at the park before we walk back home. With all the time it takes to walk, it is a 3 hour round trip. You must have the right ages of kids (there is only room for 2 in the wagon, so the majority must walk), the right weather and the right schedule (on a typical day, I have so much coming and going that leaving the house/yard is next to impossible).

So today ... my heart was racing with excitement as we had a very untypical day planned.

I had only 4 kids, the right amount in need of car seats, the right ages and we were able to go on an adventure to an indoor playground. The kids could play to their hearts content, climb, run, use their 'outside voices'. They could 'spend' their energy, for as long as they wished. From the playground, we picked up McDonald's to take home for lunch. This way they can take home their toy from the Happy Meal and have a keepsake of the day.

It is a rare treat when we can do this, which makes it all the more special. Even I was excited about the day we had in store today!

I love what a quiet day can bring!

One of the Symptoms of Having it All

I have one child in my care that appears to 'have it all'. He is very indulged. His parents can afford this, it is a conscious decision that they have made. And this is their life.

When a person has an abundance of belongings, things start to lose their value.

One small example of this, is this child's lack of interest in taking care of some of the basics. Granted, we are in a season where you could need 3 different jackets to get you through the day. The jacket you needed in the morning is not a necessity by recess and by the time school is finished, you could be in shorts. So shedding these extra layers and not really needing to find them at the end of the day to be warm enough to go home, is natural.

What I did find interesting was his complete disinterest in caring about or looking for these lost articles of clothing at school. This week, I had the luxury of having no other children here. So I went to the school with him to look through the lost and found and his classroom to try to find a few of these missing items of clothing. In his locker right in the classroom, there was a jacket on the bottom. The teacher picked it up and asked if it was his. His immediate and end all answer was ''No.'' It was exactly as his mom described to me and she had written his initials on the tag. So I checked. And it was definitely his.

But he had no interest in claiming it. 'Things' are easily replaced. He had it for such a short period of time, he didn't recognize it. Each day as his jackets went missing, they were replaced. A jacket is really of no personal value to a child in a lot of cases. But I thought it was rather sad to have such a small sense of caring when it came to something that belonged to him.

When things come easily, have little personal value to a person and there are no repercussions to losing them ... it devalues them. I am not a strong believer of placing a high amount of value on material belongings. But I do believe in placing enough value on what you do have, to respect that someone took the time and money to buy it in the first place.

Not everything is easily replaced. I think that learning to value some of life's smaller things helps to teach a small lesson in the whole scheme of things.

Another Summer Behind Us

Summer holidays are nice ... but it is always good to get back to the fall routines. Even though the routines change from year to year in the childcare world, it is nice to fall back into a day that is predictable.

I think the kids are ready for school by the time it reconvenes as well. I believe that they thrive on structure, routine and challenging themselves at school.

The biggest challenge to me, in the daycare world is keeping a wide variety of ages equally entertained. 'Free play' seems to encompass all ages and stages so that is what our day largely consists of. Going to the park is another thing that works - everyone can play at their own level. Whether it is simply playing in the sand or climbing on age/size appropriate play equipment, I find there is usually something for almost every age at the park. They can run, play, holler and just let off kid-energy. And this is good.

As the kids are all heading off to school, I think that they are excited to be in among their peers, doing what is challenging and fun for their age group. Not to be held back by 'the babies', who limit what they can play with and what they can do when they are at my house.

I would like to incorporate more learning (in a fun way) into our days. An opportunity for the kids to have fun and learn without even realizing it, is what I'm after. I used to have a 'toddler' computer game that had songs, counting, letters and all sorts of learning tools on it, I found that the little ones that watched and heard it were learning unconsciously. Then out of the blue, they would sing a song that they had to have picked up from this program. When the older kids played hide and seek (and counted out loud), once again I would hear the counting from their game eventually echoed in the voices of the ones just learning to speak.

Kids are like little sponges and the more educational things that they are exposed to, the more they can absorb.

As I find myself in a house with a lot of 1 to 2 year olds (turning 2 to 3 year olds) this fall, I would like to find age appropriate ways for them to absorb some knowledge during the day. As my world is now filled with younger ones, close to the same age I can do my best to expose to opportunities to learn.

A new season ... a new approach.

Family Dynamics

A person really has no idea what is going on in the lives of others.

In the daycare world, I see my families for those moments when they drop off and pick up their children. Sometimes it is only a brief encounter. Other times it is a more relaxed pace and the parents and I talk at length. Depending on the relationship I have with the parent, I may have very little insight as to what is going on in the families I work with.

There have been a few times (that I've been made aware of) that the parents have been going through relationship troubles. And the moment the confidence is shared with me, it seems to immediately explain some recent issue that has come up.

Kids are such sensitive little souls. They pick up our happiness, our stress, nervousness and the ease in which we live.

Even when a person feels like they are doing everything in their power to protect their children, I think they feel what we are feeling. Even if there are no words exchanged.

I know private issues are private. But it makes such a difference in knowing what I am dealing with sometimes, when I'm taking care of someone else's child ...

The Unexpected Schedule in the Childcare World

I have come to expect the unexpected in my world. The comings and goings ... the new arrivals and those that leave ... the many changes in the schedules in my families ... sick kids, kids in recovery from one thing or another ... the 'real life' happenings in and around my families ... job changes/life transitions ....

It is endless. But the only thing one can count on (in the daycare world) is that nothing remains constant.

The one thing that I think we can all control to a greater extent is vacation time. I take the same weeks off in the summer each year and take time off between Christmas and New Years. I have the dates written in my daycare policies that I give to new families and I write them on my white board, newsletters and our daycare blog about 6 months in advance. I know that in most cases, people do have to book their holidays well in advance. So my request as far as parents taking holidays goes is to "please give me as much notice as you have; 2 weeks notice is required."

95% of the families give me lots of notice, others I have to quiz because they don't think to tell me what is going on. Then there are the repeat offenders. People that continue to forget to tell me until the last minute. Of course these would be people that pay me by the day, so this surprise notice really messes up my budgeting. Especially in the summer when I'm working on about 1/2 of my normal wages.

To me, this equates to your boss coming up and telling you that you must take the next 2 weeks off. With no notice, no pay and no apology. It is simply a non negotiable fact.

It just happened again. The timing couldn't have been worse because my budget is stretched beyond the max. This unexpected change means I simply don't have enough money to pay all of my bills this month.

The one thing I wish for is to be given the same consideration that people expect themselves. I don't really think that is too much to ask for.

Transition Week - From Holidays to Kids in 60 Seconds

As I have been easing back into my life with children after 2 weeks of quiet self indulgence, I've rediscovered the one part of this job that is hardest for me. Noise.

Where there are kids, there is noise. Happy chatter, clatter of legos, rummaging through toys, movies, computer, screeching, tattling, running .... noise.

A person does become acclimatized to it when you are in it all of the time. As long as the noise is of a positive nature it becomes a backdrop to the day.

There are certain sounds that grate badly on my nerves. Screaming is one. There is no need to scream unless your life is in danger (or close to it). Voluntary screaming as part of a game drives me a little bit crazy (and I would think my neighbors would agree). Tattling is another. There are some things that I really need to know. If someone is doing something that puts themselves or someone else in jeopardy, I want to know this. But the tattling that is simply to get someone else in trouble or to tell on someone else to make themselves look better or the one who instigated a fight comes and tattles on another when all the second party did was retaliate ... I don't want to hear this. The dumping of a complete box of toys is yet another sound that grates on my nerves. The person who takes 10 seconds to dump a box of toys is usually the same person who will spend half an hour to pick it up.

Then there are the sounds I enjoy. When I hear kids talking amongst themselves as they are immersed in play, it is music to my ears. No silliness or vying for the spotlight by being the goofiest one. Just chatter. Happy talk. I love the 'table talk' at lunch when they start talking about things that matter to them. Things about themselves and their lives. No silliness or inane chatter just for the sake of making noise.

My first day back from holidays was really good. Everyone was happy to see each other and the chatter and play was all upbeat and fun.

The second day back, I had an overtired child start the day by pulling a pouting routine as she was dropped off. Then it only got better from there. The bickering, the pettiness, the sulking took root and that felt like the theme of the day. I packed them all up and took them to the park as an act of self preservation. But 2 of them couldn't even share the same sidewalk without arguing. The chatter at the lunch table was utter silliness and once they get started on that vein, they don't know how to stop it. Quiet time was not quiet, because my son had a friend over and they were playing, up and down the stairs and playing in areas that interupted the sleep of a napping child. Of course this would be the day that the last child of the day was picked up late. Not that he was any trouble. But I simply wanted to cocoon myself in the quiet of my after-kids-life. I wanted the day to end so badly I could have cried.

Yesterday was the third day after my holidays. Kids were back on better footing. Less bickering and silliness. Quiet time was quiet. Most were gone early and my son got an interesting game going with the water guns with the last that was left here. They played together happily and I got to make supper and put it in the oven so we were ready to eat when we were alone again at last.

Complete and utter exhaustion claimed my body this week. This morning I woke up before my alarm for the first time all week. I can actually place one foot in front of the other and move forward without it literally taking all that I have to take that step. Is it because it's Friday? Is it because I'm getting back into the routine of my life? Is it because I actually have plans tonight? Or is it because I had red meat for supper last night? Could I simply be low in iron??

Whether the condition is physical, emotional or a combination of the two, a person who tends to kids all day every day really needs to feel at their best in able to do the job we have set out before us each day.

There is No Such Thing as Better

I have been on holidays this past week and I spent part of a day with a friend that runs a daycare from her home. As I watched her with 'her kids' and we shared experiences and stories, at one point she asked me "Is your daycare better?"

My immediate answer to that question is that there is no such thing as better. We are different people and we do things in a different way. But in the end I believe that our goals are the same. We want 'our kids' to learn to get along with each other, be kind, follow the rules we have and be a part of the 'community' we have built for them.

I admired the less-stress way that my friend put lunch together for her kids. I admired the loving way that she was. I noticed her consistency and fairness (and hoped that I was attaining that as well).

We have many, many similarities in the way that we handle our days. We are different people so we do some things differently but the result is the same. I hope to learn from those differences. I'd like to incorporate some of what I saw, into my world.

But I agree with my statement. There is no such thing as better ... the parents that choose us, decide to bring their children because of those differences. Those little things that the parent sees, that makes them comfortable enough to entrust us with their children. There may be daycares out there that are better for some than others. There may be daycares out there that don't meet the minimum standards of safety and care. But what I saw when I was at my friends was simply a different choice for the parents. I saw a loving care provider, a home set up for children, with guidelines to keep everyone safe and well taken care of.

The individuals that we are, creates the environment for our daycare families. Is one better than the other? Hopefully only in the eyes of the parents that we work for. It is the personal connections with our families that can sway what is better for one family. But I like to believe that we are both providing quality care. We are simply different choices for different families.

A New Friend

We had a garage sale yesterday and as one sits amoung the clutter that defines you, it spurs on easy conversations when people discover common interests.

It was one of these conversations with a fellow daycare provider that took on a depth the more we spoke. We spoke the same language and we immediately connected. I mentioned how daycare providers should 'unite' and get together with shared interests, stories, ways of handling things. She completely agreed and immediately handed me her business card. I gave her mine and we are off! A friend.

No matter how long a person has been doing this, there is something to be learned by listening to someone else's perspective on things. The person I met yesterday had been in the daycare business for about a year and she had an energy about her that was infectious. I could use a positive role model. After almost 10 years my enthusiasm is dwindling. I hope I have something to offer her as well.

More often than not, what a person needs is a receptive audience to the many kid-tales that arise during the day. The frustrations, the triumphs and the mundane. In a kid-oriented world, another adult to relate to is a gift.

I made more at our garage sale than money!

Holidays

The first year of my 'daycare career' I didn't take any holidays. The children attending my daycare were still new and I was accumulating my 'family base', my income level was low and fluctuated so much that I didn't dare afford the luxury of taking a day off.

The second year of this new career is somewhat of a blur. I'd have to drag out my calendar for that year but I think we may have just made the best of long weekends during that time ... or at best, I may have taken time off but worked the Saturdays at the credit union during my holidays.

Since then, I learned that money or not ... I need to take a step away from a life of tending children. I need that two weeks of uninterrupted down time. I have learned to book those Saturdays off from the credit union and step away from 'life as I know it'.

Tending children is a busy task. No matter how many or how few that are here in a day, I have schedules to follow, meals to make, overseeing to do, finding ways to keep active, diapers to change (it seems my days are ruled by 'bathrooming' of one sort or another all day). The decision to go to the park means having everyone go to the bathroom first, then the sun screening ... last week it took us 1/2 an hour to get ready to go to the park.

In a life that is dictated by everyone else's schedules, it is a real treat to have these holidays where I can decide on a whim to do something or go someplace. And we can be out the door in minutes (a few ... not 30).

In a life where I am running and doing and going and feeding a varying amount of children, it is nice to only worry about running, doing, going and feeding only myself and my 10 year old.

In a life where I must be ''on'' and at my best for 10 hours out of my day, it is just nice to be ''off".

It is funny how money works. The more I used to obsess about it, the more it ruled me and the more I needed. When I decided that holidays were a necessity to my sanity, I had the mantra "It will all work out in the end" going through my mind. We had some lean summers. But I've learned to budget (I save 10% of my daycare income most of the year to afford this time off) and make this holiday-time a 'No Stress Zone'. The money part does work out in the end (it does work out better when you save a little all year long though).

I haven't reached the point where I feel like screaming from the rooftops "I need a holiday!!" for several years now. I think it is in the 'knowing' that I have carved out this time for myself to recharge my batteries that I don't feel the quiet desperation that I used to feel.

No matter what a person does, you need a break. Any responsibility that takes up a vast portion of your waking day feels less onerous when you know you can step away from it all.

A holiday is time to rest, relax and recharge. In the world of daycare, it feels like a necessity. At least to me ...

The Squeaky Wheel

It's really no wonder that kids tend to act up. A sure fire way of getting attention, is to stir up trouble ....

I've had one little guy in my care for over 2 years. After these 2 years of 'training', he still doesn't have me behaving the way I'm supposed to.

I know we are in for a rough morning when he arrives with the lesson he is trying to teach me.

He will walk in and want anything he can't have (anything that someone else is playing with) and get his mom to run interference for him. He doesn't stop until he gets what he wants.

His mom will pick him up and he will blatantly look me in the eye and do something (anything) that he knows he is not allowed to do. And he 'dares' me to stop him with his mom looking on.

He does this more often when he is tired. But over the course of time, he never gives up. Nor do I.

I have had to show my stern side when his mom is here. I refuse to let a 2 - 4 year old dictate the rules. It's not pretty. But I can do it. To let him get away with something once is victory in his eyes.

The mornings that start out with 'my lesson' are tough. The moment his mom leaves, we are both posturing for the power. And I'm stubborn. I don't back down.

These behaviors tax my limited resources. They affect everyone. Of course I have a house full of witnesses to see if I can be overcome. A lot of the kids learn by watching. A few try to see what they can get away with. I have had few that look me in the eye and defy me. I've had some that you can see have reigned it all inside all day. Then when their parents arrive, it's like a small explosion of emotions and behaviors.

These are the actions that demand attention. And they succeed at that. As much as I will not back down from a child who chooses to misbehave, I do try to compliment them when I notice them doing something good. The unfortunate part is that very often, when I compliment the behavior of one who is used to getting in trouble they will almost immediately go back to the bad behavior (???).

Some days, I just scratch my head and wonder if I'm just going in circles here. Then ... we have a very good day. And you feel like something is getting through. Until the next time .....

Sleep Deprivation

We are not quite half way through the summer holidays and the lack of routine and bedtimes are showing up at every turn.

Today, I had 2 tired and grumpy souls (actually most days it's been these same 2 affected). These 2 kids just look at each other and they find something to argue about. If you look at the arguments that happen during the day there is a 99.9% chance that it will involve at least one of the 2 of them.

I enforce a quiet time between 1:00 and 2:30 every day. The house is silent. The little ones nap; the bigger ones watch a movie. Talking and playing are not an option.

I think everyone needs a little quiet in their day. I don't think I could have stayed in the childcare business as long as I have, if I didn't have that one hour that I can count on. The ones who are tired have a chance to nod off and catch up on some sleep during this time. It worked like a charm until lately ...

The 4 1/2 yr old has discovered that he can override his exhaustion by keeping one body part moving at all times. The 3 1/2 yr old is learning the same technique. Wonderful. It means that I have tired, cranky kids all day, instead of only half the day.

I've had these parents ask me to make sure these kids don't sleep, so it doesn't interfere with their bed-time. Then ... these kids fall asleep on their way home from here and the parents still have a battle on their hands when it comes to getting these overtired kids to fall asleep at night. The kids return here the next morning ... exhausted ... and so goes the cycle.

I've always been strict with my own kid's bedtimes. Bed time is bed time. End of story. No excuses. No bargaining. No veering from the norm, in the hopes that they will sleep in the next day. From as early on in their lives as it was possible, I didn't vary the routine. And when something did come up that messed with our routine, it was a rare occurrence and there was no need to 'retrain' the routine that was firmly in place.

The only times that I recall having a horrible experience with bed time, is when my youngest was so overtired that he couldn't recognize he was exhausted and succumb to it. Over-tired has the appearance of being wide-awake. The child doesn't want to settle down. But they still need to.

When it did happen, my mantra would be "You are tired. That is why you can't stop crying." ... "You are tired. That is why everything feels like such a big deal." ... "You are tired. That is why you don't think you can fall asleep." ... "You are tired ..."

Yes. The exhausted, cranky and hard-to-be-around kids are striking a nerve in me today. My holidays are only one day away. I hope these kids return from the break rested!

Cleaning House

I've been culling through the massive amounts of toys around here the past few days in preparation for a garage sale this upcoming weekend. I have collected many, many toys throughout my 10+ years of babysitting. And many of them have been delegated to high shelves, the basement and many far-off places because of one reason or another. Either small pieces, or toys that seem to end up in mouths, toys of destruction and many other various reasons. Irritating toys in one fashion or another.

As I empty out these shelves and containers full of never-played-with-toys, I am refocusing my attention on the toys that do withstand the many ages and stages of the kids here. The Fisher Price toys are always a hit. A good quality toy that is geared to many ages. I'm never disappointed with Fisher Price.

But what I'd like to shift the focus onto, is educational toys. Toys where kids are learning as they play. I'm questioning the Wii system as well. It seems like a way to encourage some physical activity as kids have fun at the same time.

Every fall, I relook at the schedule we keep around here. Often I look at what we are doing ... and then I keep doing the same thing! But I am always reexamining our days. And in my quest to 'up my game', I think I should incorporate more learning and physical activities into our daily routine.

It's easier said than done. Because of the varying age groups, it is hard to follow through on my ideas. I have quite a few young ones at the moment; a few headed off to preschool; a few more off to kindergarten. That is what has always stopped me in my tracks before - those different ages and stages, varying schedules, nap times and interests of the kids I have.

I need to look and shop a little smarter. Starting with the educational toys for all ages ... and adding some physical dimension to our days. Something we can do despite the many variances in our days.

It is time to do some smart shopping and planning ... and restructure our days in a way that the kids can get the most out of their days here.

Recharging

It's been a tough week. I haven't had a week like this in a very long time. I was relieved that the weekend had arrived so that I could take a step back from my kid-life and recharge my own batteries.

By writing these blog entries and starting the daycare blog for my families, I have focused on the positive and it has created a new person within me. The standards I have set for myself are higher, I am focusing on the positive and it has created something within me that I expect to live up to. Every day.

When my personal life collided with my daycare life last week and I didn't look hard enough for the positives within my day, it was a recipe for disaster. Even now, as I recollect the week I am seeing the frustrations.

The positive side to all of the negatives, are my parents. I have one particularly intuitive mom that immediately sensed the difference in me. And it was compassion that I felt from her - not frustration that I didn't do my job as well as I could have that particular day. And as much as my schedule was upside down and backwards last week, in every case (except one), my parents kept me informed of the changes going on. They just couldn't know that I was also getting this from 3 other families and that the changes kept changing. But the parents did their job. They let me know what was happening.

Last year at this time, I was working through some pretty big upheavals in my personal life and I was not coping with my daytime 'career' with the kids in a positive fashion at all. I may have had an off week, but I'm doing far better than I have done before.

I've set the bar for myself a little higher. In a world surrounded by kids, where I am (for the most part) my own boss, I need to keep the desire to do my best at the top of my list. My blogs have served that purpose very well. My intent is to focus on the positive in every aspect of my life. And for the most part I am succeeding.

I am fortunate enough to have the weekend to take a step away and rethink my strategy for next week. I have read the blog of a 'daycare mom' that is available 24/7 and takes only a few days off in the entire year. My hat's off to her!! I really need time to recharge my batteries so that I can carry on. For that I am so grateful.

When Bad Days Happen ...

I have just endured 'one of those days' ...

In retrospect, I can see that the reason that I had little to no coping skills with the kids today was due to what was happening in my personal life (a serious health concern with a close relative). As I was living the day, I couldn't see it though.

It is impossible to separate personal from business 100% of the time. Harder yet, when you run your business from your home. When you can physically disconnect your body from your home life it helps to separate the two worlds.

Today would be the day that parents would 'forget' (??) to pick up their children ... or a trained 4 year old would have two 'accidents' ... or people would change my schedule for tomorrow unexpectedly (again) ... or a different 4 year old would act up all morning (he was in dire need of sleep). And it didn't help matters that the sky has been opening up and pouring intermittently for the past several days and I didn't know if I should take the chance on taking the kids outside (bringing in 6 wet and sandy kids is not my favorite job in the world), so we spent the day indoors which is never a good choice when there is an alternative.

So yes. I made mistakes today. Many. My patience was not good to start with, but it was next to nil by the end of the day. And when I still had 4 kids here long after their expected pick up times, I literally could have cried.

One of my (late) parents looked at me and emphatically asked, "What's wrong??" And my voice quavered for a moment as I answered. I thought that the underlying issue was my personal concerns. But in that instant, the day flashed before me and I believe I answered, "It's been a very crappy day all around ..."

I have been so pleased with my patience levels lately. My voice and actions are much calmer ... my overall demeanor has been gentler. I set goals for myself to 'up my game' and be a better child care provider. And for the most part I felt that I was succeeding at my goals. I always felt that I provided a 'satisfactory' service to my families. But I was looking for better than that.

Maybe the reason that today felt like such a bad day, is that I've had so many good days that have preceded that. By 'upping my game', I have upped my standards. I expect more from myself.

Bad days happen. No matter who you are, where you work or what happens in the world around you ... some days are simply tough.

I'm letting myself off the hook today. I have realized by talking to a family member and alleviating some of my worries ... that this personal issue threw me for more of a loop than I realized at the time.

I'm human. Tomorrow is a new day. I will approach tomorrow with a fresh outlook on the day and whatever it brings.

The Joy of Talking to Other Daycare Providers

One of the things I love most about the summer is getting out to the parks and finding other daycare 'families' and their care provider out there. I thoroughly enjoy talking with someone who knows what it is like to walk in my shoes and hear their stories.

I enjoy watching others interact with 'their' kids and see what I can take away from that. I have seen one extreme to the other. One provider that called each of her children 'honey' and 'dear' and had her kids crawling all over her, vying for her attention .... to another overly strict person who seemed to have only one voice - loud and domineering. Then there are all the other ones in between (most of them fall somewhere in the middle of those two examples).

I love the conversation that comes up with other moms and daycare providers. Especially when we 'speak the same language' and we share our stories and experiences in a positive and encouraging manner. As any full time mom or daycare provider knows, spending 10 - 11 hours of your day in a child oriented world is lonely. I crave adult interaction in my days. And to find the company of another adult in a park where the children are happily playing and we are still doing our job ... is a gift.

It seems one can always find the negative in a situation. I talked with one other daycare 'mom' that told me of the other babysitters in the area that wouldn't even talk with her because of their competitive nature, vying for the business of the children in the area. This mentality amazes me. I don't consider other babysitters as my competition. I just consider them as other choices for the parents. I think finding a daycare that ''fits'' is an individual choice. What one person is looking for in a daycare is different from the next. I don't try to sell myself as something I'm not ... but I try to give a full picture as to who I am so the parents can make the choice that is best for them.

I've also talked/heard many stories about the ''parents they babysit for'' in a negative fashion. Once again this is something that I have rarely experienced. I often say that I have the best bosses in the world. There seems to be a mutual respect that we share, in keeping with the shared interest in their child. I feel valued and supported and part of a team in looking out for the best interest of their child (maybe this is because the parent has shopped around and found that what I have to offer 'fits' their needs the best?).

The conversations I enjoy are the ones where we share ideas of how we tend to our 'families'. Activities, routines and just the day-to-day stuff that we encounter. When I ran into a 'daycare mom' the other day and found out that she had been running her daycare for over 24 years, I felt that there was a wealth of knowledge to be gained by her experience. And in return, I think she also appreciated another voice that understood and heard her. I was busy video taping the kids and explained to her about my daycare blog for my parents and she was intrigued. With as much wisdom that she had, I think she also took something away from our brief encounter.

I enjoy being in a position of 'shared experience'. I don't relish the idea of a conversation being turned into an excuse to put down parents or other child care providers. I think everyone who takes care of children has a vast amount of knowledge to 'put into the pot' for others to learn from.

Life Lessons

'Life Lessons for Kids' is like a day in the park ...

I truly believe how I handle kids in the park is how I handle many of the lessons that kids need to learn.

I take precautions to keep them basically safe. Sunscreen, hats and making sure that they stay within the boundaries of the park. But other than that, I tend to be a hands-off care provider when it comes to the play equipment.

I find that kids (if left to their own devices) find out their limits through trial and error. If they can't climb onto a particular piece of play equipment, they aren't ready for it. As they try to test their limits and end up in a place where they can't go up or down, I'll help them down (not up!). In most cases, they will realize when they are beyond their comfort zone (and if left alone), they will climb back down before it gets too scary. Once they end up at the top of a tall structure, I stay close by to make sure they know their limits. I let them feel their fear and learn to trust their instincts to step back from danger on their own. Once they are up there, they have to discover the safe way to come down (or I'll show them).

I have watched parents/grandparents/caregivers help kids up to unsafe play areas. Then climb up and join them up there. Then when the adult steps back and lets the child play on their own, the child is so used to being helped and saved ... that they end up being the children that get hurt (a lot of the time anyway).

If a person grows up with that safety net around them all the time, they get used to being rescued. And don't learn the natural consequences of falling from a safe distance. Instead, they learn the lesson when the consequences are far more dangerous.

I tend to have that attitude with kids in general. I provide a safe home and yard for the children. Doors at the top of the stairs are closed; small objects are put away; I have few obstacles in the paths of children; cut up food into 'safe for the age group' pieces; supervise them; enforce the rules to keep them safe .... and let them be.

I do what I can to provide a safe environment but I don't coddle them. Kids need to fall before they can walk. They need to walk before they can run. They have to learn the consequences of their actions. And for the most part, there haven't been serious injuries on my watch (I do consider bumps, bruises and scrapes a part of the learning curve).

I have one particular child in my care right now that has very, very protective parents. Every bump and bruise must be accounted for, explained and justified. Taking this child to the park has been an adventure. He ends up in places that no 2 year old that I have babysat, has gone before. I don't encourage or help him up to these danger-areas ... but I stay close by. Last week I wouldn't take them to one particular park because he could get into too many unsafe predicaments. So we stayed at the 'safer park' where natural consequences were less dire. And I let him learn. Yes, he fell. Yes, he cried (and got right back on the piece of equipment that he fell off of to try again). Yes, he learned. The next day, at a different park I witnessed him exercise caution. He learned some limits. And the only visible wound he went home with, was from him running and falling on an unobstructed piece of tarmac in the school ground, with no other kids around.

We can follow every safety precaution we know of, and kids will still get hurt. Something will happen that no one would have ever predicted. The one year old I babysat came to daycare one morning with a cut on her lip. A bowl that her mom had been eating fruit out of broke, unbeknownst to anyone. A piece of glass from the bottom of the bowl broke off and this little girl ended up with it in her mouth. She was sitting on her mom's lap and no one could have ever predicted that this could have ever happened. It ended up being a very minor cut with no other consequences. But it enforced in my mind that there are limits as to what we can do to keep our children safe. Other than keeping them in a safe, protective bubble where they never learn the consequences of their actions, the best we can do is to provide a safe environment, supervise them and provide some guidelines to keep them within a 'safety range' in keeping with their age. And be there to pick them up when they fall. Because they will fall.

Negotiation

The latest video that I made for my daycare blog started innocently enough. As I go through the various video clips that I accumlate over the days, I'll recognize a theme and start collecting more clips to go along with it.

The theme of 'Negotiation' started out kind of tongue in cheek. It was a light hearted way of trying to see the world of playing through the eyes of the kids here. As the days went along, I realized that I didn't have to search very hard or wait long for more footage. The kids spend their days working on the art of negotiation.

From taking turns ... to wanting a toy someone else has ... to dealing with a younger child who hasn't learned the negotiating art form yet ... to dealing with a peer that has a way of knowing exactly how to bug you ... the material that I had to work with was endless.

It was interesting to watch and rewatch the personalities as they knew that I was watching exactly what they were doing. In most cases this nipped negative behavior in the bud. In other cases it didn't make an iota of difference (as the child looked me directly in the eye and continued the behavior to see how far they could push it). There was one case between a 2 1/2 and a 3 1/2 year old. There were absolutely no words. It was all body language. And it spoke volumes.

Kids push their limits ... then they learn their limits. What they choose to do with that knowledge depends on the child. But the thing that never ends is the endless give and take that there is in a day, when you share it with a household full of other children.

It's all a learning experience. As these kids learn to deal with the various personalities within these 4 walls, it is starting to give them the tools that they will need when they are out in the real world of school. There will always be aggressive children, passive ones and every kind in between. The bickering and pushing of the limits is so hard to oversee on a regular basis. But when I looked at the footage of this video, I started to see with my own eyes just how tough it is to be a child.

Their day is full of negotiation.

Some of My Favorite Words

"Stop" is my favorite word to use in my daycare life. It doesn't assign blame. It doesn't leave the last word open to the suggestiong of what to do. When you say "Stop running" or "Stop screaming" kids often hear ''running'' or ''screaming" and they do exactly what you tell them not to do. I have tried to train myself to say what I want them to do. I'll say "Walk" or "Turn down your voice" instead (and when I can't think quickly enough I just say "Stop").

I'd love to say that it works like a charm ... all of the time. What I can say instead is that I have caught kids on several occasions doing what you tell them not to. A parent was here and telling her child "Don't drive the cars on the wall.'' He literally reiterated out loud "Drive the cars on the wall" and went on his merry way ... driving his cars on the wall. I just a few minutes ago caught myself saying "Get your face off the couch" (I have a new couch and I cringe at the vision of kids with runny noses and wide open mouths face-first on my couch ... I'm a little strange about that). The child with his face in the couch looked at me, then did it again. The child beside him did exactly what I had just said not to do. This happens time and time again. My best tactic is "Stop."

"Hush" is another favorite word of mine. No matter how frustrated or angry you are, you can't yell the word "hush." The more frustrated I am, the longer I hold the "shhhhhhh" part of the word. It tends to calm a baby ... it calms me down ... it is the same kind of effect as counting to 10.

"Walk"; "Turn down your voice"; "Be nice"; "Be good"; "Keep your pants dry" (to the kids in the toilet training phase; "Sleep ..." are words the kids probably hear in their sleep (I hope?) from the repetition around here. I have many other mantras that I repeat time after time, day after day, year after year. When I hear the kids repeating these words, I feel rewarded. I have been heard. When I see my negative behavior copied, I cringe. A person recognizes themselves in a child's behavior and I try my best (though I don't always succeed) to make sure I can stand listening to my words coming out of a child's mouth.

For the most part, I do okay. And for the more frustrating days/hours/minutes ... the less said, the better. "Stop" and "Hush" work well in those cases.

Every Day Tells a Story ...

Since I've started my daycare blog and the videos and photos that I attach to it, I am amazed at how many different angles there are to portray our days here.

The kids are an endless source of ideas and inspiration. Every day is an adventure. I'll turn on the camera and hope to capture a few candid shots ... and the next thing I'll see is a theme developing and a story that I can pass along to the parents.

For the most part, it is upbeat and fun. There were a few things caught on tape that weren't something that I wanted to focus on (a certain behavior that I had been struggling with showed up on several videos). My question was: Do I splice this together to let the behavior tell its own story? or: Do I delete it and forget about it? I did neither. The footage is still there (saved in some file somewhere), but I haven't highlighted or showcased it. That isn't the idea behind the blog and the video. It is to focus on the positives. And as I tell myself, the negative behavior shouldn't be getting the attention. Focus only the behavior I want to encourage.

So, I have put together several different themes and I thoroughly enjoy playing around with my 'day' after it is done. I love to look at my days as a 'story to tell'. To focus on the good stuff. And when you are surrounded by kids all day, it's important to find a way to focus on the positives.

The Challenge Child

It never fails ... I always have one child that keeps me challenged. If I'm lucky, the challenges and the child changes. If I'm not, it seems that my energy and focus is on one child the vast majority of my day.

Is that really fair to everyone else, when one person's negative behavior affects everyone? As much as possible, I hope that the lesson learned is "Who wants to play with you when you act like that?" No one wants to be bullied, overruled and dominated all of the time. Who enjoys not getting any attention because the person with the negative behavior gets all of the attention? No one.

When the one displaying this negative behavior catches on, they start to get cagey about it and wait until my back is turned or until I'm in a different room.

When the behavior is ''all about them'' - they have to be first, they have to be the center of attention, they have to have the coveted toy, they have to have most, they have to have ''it all'' in every situation and in every capacity .... what do you do?

My emotions get in the way when I deal with a personality like this. I was a quiet child and I seem to relate too well with the children that can't hold their own. I have found it very hard to find the redeeming qualities in this child when the behavior is evident every day, all day.

I try to be consistent. I try to remove the negative behavior from the group. I try to send the same message to everyone. I try to be the voice of reason, the voice that they eventually start to hear in their own head before they act in a negative fashion.

I try. I don't always succeed.

Today is a much better day. After very long stretch where this 'challenge' has been evident in the vast majority of the day ... today is a much better day! The challenging behavior isn't overruling the day.

I mentioned this behavior to the parent yesterday. There has been a lot going on in their lives and routines/bed times/family time has been completely disrupted. More likely than not, this is a big part of what this child's behavior is stemming from. Whether the shift of tide today is from the parent talking to the child ... the child getting enough sleep ... my 'messages' finally taking hold ... or a combination of all of the above ... the 'why and how' of how the shift of tides has finally come, after a long haul doesn't matter. Today is a much better day. And the focus can now be on his good behavior. And I can start to like this personality once again.

I think that both the 'challenge child' and I need a break from this negativity that has seeped into our days. Let today be the beginning ....

How Much is Too Much?

I've made a conscious decision to be careful not to spoil my own kids with material belongings. I like for them to have to save up and really think on something before they get it. I have never wanted to have my kids expect some treat every single time we went shopping. In fact, with my oldest I made a conscious decision never to buy anything for him when we were shopping together (for the first part of his childhood anyway).

It has made going to the store something that I can bear, if I don't have kids begging for and expecting some little thing every time we leave the house. I do not believe in bribery in any form and buying a toy or a treat in exchange for good behavior is something I've never done.

That is simply my thinking. Everyone has their varying beliefs and ways of handling these situations. Whatever works for the individual family ...

I take care of one child who appears to get everything he wants. His mom did without any extras when she was growing up and she said that she didn't want that for her child. It appears that she is making this come true for her son. He comes in with new toys every week. Not just one toy ... it seems like it's three of every fad that he is going through (until he has the complete set and then it is onto the next toy craving).

I shake my head and silently wonder what this does to this child's level of expectations. If you get every single thing you want while you grow up, what will they expect as a teen and an adult?

You simply cannot fill up on material belongings. It is a hunger that is never satisfied. You can fill it, fill it more and continue on filling it ... but it never is completely full. A person always wants more.

It seems this is a lesson that children should learn. But that is just my thinking. Everyone has different ideas. This is just mine.

Separation Issues

The morning drop off is different for everyone ...

Some parents stay (no matter how long it may take) until their child is okay with the idea of them going. Other parents are in and out like the wind and their child is good to go, the minute they walk in the door. I have many parents that stop and chat for a while when they drop off and pick up their children. It's our time to 'connect' and exchange information.

There are phases, stages and changes to this process. Right now one of my 2 1/2 year olds is going through a terrible phase. She has been happy and eager to come for the (almost) 2 years that she has been coming here, but her older brother was recently having issues about going anywhere without a parent. And it appears that she is following suit.

It's not easy being the parent during these times. I'm grateful that this isn't just happening at my house - that there is a scene no matter who, what or where the 'separation' happens. These parents are in the toughest position. They say the right words and nothing really matters. So they just walk away from the behavior. The child doesn't 'win' and get their way ... so I think it will just be a matter of time before this stage passes. The crying stops very quickly after the parent isn't around to witness it.

I had another parent who cajoled, bargained and even lied to their child - just to get out the door without a scene. To me, it was so obvious why the child was so worried. She couldn't believe what her parent was telling her. To promise she wouldn't have to come back the next day (and not follow through on it); to say they would be right back (and be gone the full day) .... even I didn't know when to expect this parent because he continually said one thing and did another. It's no wonder his child was confused and distrustful.

I've had other parents that sit out the process and eventually both the parent and child are okay with the separation. This takes time ... but if there isn't bribery or lying to make the child happy ... "whatever works".

Personally, I'm the kind of parent that would say, "No matter what you do, I have to go to work. Nothing is going to change because you are acting this way." You can do this when you have absolutely no qualms about where your child is staying. If you have any worries and this is the only place and circumstance this is happening ... that is another story.

When children throw tantrums to manipulate a situation and get their way is an entirely different scenario. That is when it isn't easy to be the 'tough guy' parent and just walk away from the behavior.

In time, this too shall pass away ... we hope.

More on Infectious Attitudes

Another 'infection' I have noticed that spreads like wildfire around here is the attitudes about food. I have gone through various phases of picky eaters, voracious eaters, competitive eaters, social eaters, anti-eaters (they hated everything) ... you name it, I think I've seen it.

At one time, I had a majority of eaters that were willing to try anything for a while. They enjoyed a lot of what they tried and lunch time was actually a little fun as we tried out various menus. The more they enjoyed what they ate, the more the rest of them were willing to try out new things. It was a very enjoyable 'infection'.

At the moment, I have a lot of fussy eaters. It seems that one person will create an 'attitude' about a certain food and everyone at the table will follow suit. It is most frustrating. In trying to create different lunch menus with this picky crowd, my options are slimming. I like to make a lunch where the kids can fill up on one thing if they don't like another. Lately it seems, the fruit is the biggest hit. And you really don't fill up on fruit if you haven't had a few other options from the other food groups.

It makes lunch time an adventure anyway ...

Infectious Attitudes

I just had a new 1 year old start at my daycare and she is a delight. She has such a happy and easy-going demeanor. She has just learned how to walk and we were all witness to her hitting this major milestone in her young life. She is a delight.

I have listened and watched the reaction of the kids to this new little one. Their voices go up a pitch as they talk to her. And they do talk to her. The way everyone treats this newcomer to our group seems to be infectious. We have all caught it.

It makes me wonder. Is it our attitudes that are contagious ... or is she just that sweet?

I tend to believe (although she is sweet), that it is our attitudes - starting with mine, that has infected all of us. A person tends to mirror what they see in others and what others do.

When I have so many young, impressionable minds looking at me and reflecting my attitudes and actions it reminds me (once again) of what a responsibility I have with these children. I have seen my actions and words repeated in these children time and time again. It is my responsiblity to watch my own actions.

I have had the opposite experience when I've had a child that doesn't fit in so easily. And yes ... my actions and attitudes are mirrored in a negative way as well. It is much more enjoyable to see the positive side come out in all of us.

It starts with me ....

The Differences Between Boys and Girls

I'm the mother of 3 boys so I admit that I have some bias on this subject. But I've run my daycare for almost 10 years so I would also say that I have some first hand knowledge on the boys verses girls subject.

I have always felt that boys have been given a bad wrap. "Boys will be boys" and all that goes with that is true. But "Girls will be girls" as well. It all depends on the individual - you really can't wrap it up in a short phrase.

I have been tending 4 boys (ages 2, 3 and 2, 4 year olds) all morning. And all I can say is "there is no comparison to the rest of the week when one of those 4 year olds was a girl." The noise levels were higher on the day a girl was in the midst; more bickering; more silliness just ... more. I'm not blaming the girl. It is the dynamic between the girl and the boys that is the difference.

The girls I have, in the 3 to 4 year old set play as hard as the boys do. For years, the boys outnumbered the girls by far ... and most of them have older brothers ... so most of the girls I have here have grown up around boys.

It seems that certain kids are drawn to certain personalities - regardless if they are a boy or a girl. The 'trouble maker' draws some, like bees to honey. Kids that are otherwise quiet, enjoy this boisterous and 'on the edge' personality. Others are drawn to the quiet and more nurturing personalities. I count myself fortunate that this was the type of person my youngest son seems to be drawn to. My oldest was drawn to the troublemaker. My middle son spoke his own mind and kept his own company a lot. All 3 of my boys are of a quieter nature ... but each of them seemed to be drawn to different kinds of people. They acted a lot like the company they kept ... and that is what I find with the kids that I tend.

I was talking to a teacher once and she mentioned that if you have 3 kids and 2 of them are quiet-natured, the 3rd will tend to follow suit if they are outnumbered. I find that here a lot (it doesn't matter if it's boys or girls ... it is the nature of the child that counts). And that is what is happening here this morning. Yes, I have 3 boys around the same age. But there are 2 quiet natured ones and one more exuberant one. He's trying hard to get them wound up (but my interference has helped sway the balance to keep it on the quieter side).

Yes, boys and girls may play differently ... I find the biggest difference is in the 'pitch'. The girls voices are more shrill when the noise levels rise whereas the boys voices are louder. I'm simply more accustomed to boys noise, so I do find the shrillness grates on my nerves quicker. Not to say that boys are better ... I'm simply more accustomed to them.

I will never lump up boys or girls with one label. They are individuals ... and if a child grows up with someone labelling and excusing certain behaviour as it's just being a boy or a girl, I think that child will live up to the label.

Yes, they are different. But they live up to our expectations no matter what sex they are.

Sleeping

Sleeping ... or the lack of ... makes such a difference in a child's behaviour.

At the moment, I am battling to get my new 1 year old in a sleeping schedule that works for all of us. It's hard. She's tired in the morning, but if she naps in the morning she has only a short nap in the afternoon and is on the brink of being cranky by the end of the day. To keep her awake all morning, she is painfully grumpy but she sleeps soundly in the afternoon and is much happier for the rest of the day. It's a juggling act at the moment. We'll figure it out.

A tired child is so hard to be around. It doesn't matter what age the child is. Tired isn't fun for anyone.

I am a stickler for routine. I like the kids to know that nap time is an everyday occurence at the same time. Day in and day out. Like clockwork.

When everyone sleeps when they are supposed to, it makes the day better for all. When kids arrive in the morning tired and out of sorts, it affects everyone. I believe in set bedtimes - we should all have that regularity in our sleep habits. A person's body works better on a schedule, even adults.

When parents do everything to keep a tired child awake, so that they can get them to sleep in the next morning I think they are teaching that child to ignore their own body's natural 'triggers' telling them sleep. You end up with an overtired child that can't wind down, a tired child the next day ... and when it's done on a regular basis, you have a child that has learned to override their tiredness and not want to go to bed.

I have strong opinions about the necessity for good sleeping habits. I can't see the benefit of keeping a preschool child out of their routine for sports and such, that put their bedtime way out of whack. As they get older and the bedtimes get later ... maybe. But to throw a child continually off schedule doesn't seem 'in the best interest of the child' or for anyone else around them.

Then again, what do I really know? I have made myself a slave to the routines that seem to work best for me. My children have really never done any sporting activity, nor do I have a life after dark. I think somewhere in between the two extremes lies a happy medium.

A rested child is a happy child. But that's just my opinion.