Tuesday, July 29, 2008

There is No Such Thing as Better

I have been on holidays this past week and I spent part of a day with a friend that runs a daycare from her home. As I watched her with 'her kids' and we shared experiences and stories, at one point she asked me "Is your daycare better?"

My immediate answer to that question is that there is no such thing as better. We are different people and we do things in a different way. But in the end I believe that our goals are the same. We want 'our kids' to learn to get along with each other, be kind, follow the rules we have and be a part of the 'community' we have built for them.

I admired the less-stress way that my friend put lunch together for her kids. I admired the loving way that she was. I noticed her consistency and fairness (and hoped that I was attaining that as well).

We have many, many similarities in the way that we handle our days. We are different people so we do some things differently but the result is the same. I hope to learn from those differences. I'd like to incorporate some of what I saw, into my world.

But I agree with my statement. There is no such thing as better ... the parents that choose us, decide to bring their children because of those differences. Those little things that the parent sees, that makes them comfortable enough to entrust us with their children. There may be daycares out there that are better for some than others. There may be daycares out there that don't meet the minimum standards of safety and care. But what I saw when I was at my friends was simply a different choice for the parents. I saw a loving care provider, a home set up for children, with guidelines to keep everyone safe and well taken care of.

The individuals that we are, creates the environment for our daycare families. Is one better than the other? Hopefully only in the eyes of the parents that we work for. It is the personal connections with our families that can sway what is better for one family. But I like to believe that we are both providing quality care. We are simply different choices for different families.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

A New Friend

We had a garage sale yesterday and as one sits amoung the clutter that defines you, it spurs on easy conversations when people discover common interests.

It was one of these conversations with a fellow daycare provider that took on a depth the more we spoke. We spoke the same language and we immediately connected. I mentioned how daycare providers should 'unite' and get together with shared interests, stories, ways of handling things. She completely agreed and immediately handed me her business card. I gave her mine and we are off! A friend.

No matter how long a person has been doing this, there is something to be learned by listening to someone else's perspective on things. The person I met yesterday had been in the daycare business for about a year and she had an energy about her that was infectious. I could use a positive role model. After almost 10 years my enthusiasm is dwindling. I hope I have something to offer her as well.

More often than not, what a person needs is a receptive audience to the many kid-tales that arise during the day. The frustrations, the triumphs and the mundane. In a kid-oriented world, another adult to relate to is a gift.

I made more at our garage sale than money!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Holidays

The first year of my 'daycare career' I didn't take any holidays. The children attending my daycare were still new and I was accumulating my 'family base', my income level was low and fluctuated so much that I didn't dare afford the luxury of taking a day off.

The second year of this new career is somewhat of a blur. I'd have to drag out my calendar for that year but I think we may have just made the best of long weekends during that time ... or at best, I may have taken time off but worked the Saturdays at the credit union during my holidays.

Since then, I learned that money or not ... I need to take a step away from a life of tending children. I need that two weeks of uninterrupted down time. I have learned to book those Saturdays off from the credit union and step away from 'life as I know it'.

Tending children is a busy task. No matter how many or how few that are here in a day, I have schedules to follow, meals to make, overseeing to do, finding ways to keep active, diapers to change (it seems my days are ruled by 'bathrooming' of one sort or another all day). The decision to go to the park means having everyone go to the bathroom first, then the sun screening ... last week it took us 1/2 an hour to get ready to go to the park.

In a life that is dictated by everyone else's schedules, it is a real treat to have these holidays where I can decide on a whim to do something or go someplace. And we can be out the door in minutes (a few ... not 30).

In a life where I am running and doing and going and feeding a varying amount of children, it is nice to only worry about running, doing, going and feeding only myself and my 10 year old.

In a life where I must be ''on'' and at my best for 10 hours out of my day, it is just nice to be ''off".

It is funny how money works. The more I used to obsess about it, the more it ruled me and the more I needed. When I decided that holidays were a necessity to my sanity, I had the mantra "It will all work out in the end" going through my mind. We had some lean summers. But I've learned to budget (I save 10% of my daycare income most of the year to afford this time off) and make this holiday-time a 'No Stress Zone'. The money part does work out in the end (it does work out better when you save a little all year long though).

I haven't reached the point where I feel like screaming from the rooftops "I need a holiday!!" for several years now. I think it is in the 'knowing' that I have carved out this time for myself to recharge my batteries that I don't feel the quiet desperation that I used to feel.

No matter what a person does, you need a break. Any responsibility that takes up a vast portion of your waking day feels less onerous when you know you can step away from it all.

A holiday is time to rest, relax and recharge. In the world of daycare, it feels like a necessity. At least to me ...

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Squeaky Wheel

It's really no wonder that kids tend to act up. A sure fire way of getting attention, is to stir up trouble ....

I've had one little guy in my care for over 2 years. After these 2 years of 'training', he still doesn't have me behaving the way I'm supposed to.

I know we are in for a rough morning when he arrives with the lesson he is trying to teach me.

He will walk in and want anything he can't have (anything that someone else is playing with) and get his mom to run interference for him. He doesn't stop until he gets what he wants.

His mom will pick him up and he will blatantly look me in the eye and do something (anything) that he knows he is not allowed to do. And he 'dares' me to stop him with his mom looking on.

He does this more often when he is tired. But over the course of time, he never gives up. Nor do I.

I have had to show my stern side when his mom is here. I refuse to let a 2 - 4 year old dictate the rules. It's not pretty. But I can do it. To let him get away with something once is victory in his eyes.

The mornings that start out with 'my lesson' are tough. The moment his mom leaves, we are both posturing for the power. And I'm stubborn. I don't back down.

These behaviors tax my limited resources. They affect everyone. Of course I have a house full of witnesses to see if I can be overcome. A lot of the kids learn by watching. A few try to see what they can get away with. I have had few that look me in the eye and defy me. I've had some that you can see have reigned it all inside all day. Then when their parents arrive, it's like a small explosion of emotions and behaviors.

These are the actions that demand attention. And they succeed at that. As much as I will not back down from a child who chooses to misbehave, I do try to compliment them when I notice them doing something good. The unfortunate part is that very often, when I compliment the behavior of one who is used to getting in trouble they will almost immediately go back to the bad behavior (???).

Some days, I just scratch my head and wonder if I'm just going in circles here. Then ... we have a very good day. And you feel like something is getting through. Until the next time .....

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Sleep Deprivation

We are not quite half way through the summer holidays and the lack of routine and bedtimes are showing up at every turn.

Today, I had 2 tired and grumpy souls (actually most days it's been these same 2 affected). These 2 kids just look at each other and they find something to argue about. If you look at the arguments that happen during the day there is a 99.9% chance that it will involve at least one of the 2 of them.

I enforce a quiet time between 1:00 and 2:30 every day. The house is silent. The little ones nap; the bigger ones watch a movie. Talking and playing are not an option.

I think everyone needs a little quiet in their day. I don't think I could have stayed in the childcare business as long as I have, if I didn't have that one hour that I can count on. The ones who are tired have a chance to nod off and catch up on some sleep during this time. It worked like a charm until lately ...

The 4 1/2 yr old has discovered that he can override his exhaustion by keeping one body part moving at all times. The 3 1/2 yr old is learning the same technique. Wonderful. It means that I have tired, cranky kids all day, instead of only half the day.

I've had these parents ask me to make sure these kids don't sleep, so it doesn't interfere with their bed-time. Then ... these kids fall asleep on their way home from here and the parents still have a battle on their hands when it comes to getting these overtired kids to fall asleep at night. The kids return here the next morning ... exhausted ... and so goes the cycle.

I've always been strict with my own kid's bedtimes. Bed time is bed time. End of story. No excuses. No bargaining. No veering from the norm, in the hopes that they will sleep in the next day. From as early on in their lives as it was possible, I didn't vary the routine. And when something did come up that messed with our routine, it was a rare occurrence and there was no need to 'retrain' the routine that was firmly in place.

The only times that I recall having a horrible experience with bed time, is when my youngest was so overtired that he couldn't recognize he was exhausted and succumb to it. Over-tired has the appearance of being wide-awake. The child doesn't want to settle down. But they still need to.

When it did happen, my mantra would be "You are tired. That is why you can't stop crying." ... "You are tired. That is why everything feels like such a big deal." ... "You are tired. That is why you don't think you can fall asleep." ... "You are tired ..."

Yes. The exhausted, cranky and hard-to-be-around kids are striking a nerve in me today. My holidays are only one day away. I hope these kids return from the break rested!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Cleaning House

I've been culling through the massive amounts of toys around here the past few days in preparation for a garage sale this upcoming weekend. I have collected many, many toys throughout my 10+ years of babysitting. And many of them have been delegated to high shelves, the basement and many far-off places because of one reason or another. Either small pieces, or toys that seem to end up in mouths, toys of destruction and many other various reasons. Irritating toys in one fashion or another.

As I empty out these shelves and containers full of never-played-with-toys, I am refocusing my attention on the toys that do withstand the many ages and stages of the kids here. The Fisher Price toys are always a hit. A good quality toy that is geared to many ages. I'm never disappointed with Fisher Price.

But what I'd like to shift the focus onto, is educational toys. Toys where kids are learning as they play. I'm questioning the Wii system as well. It seems like a way to encourage some physical activity as kids have fun at the same time.

Every fall, I relook at the schedule we keep around here. Often I look at what we are doing ... and then I keep doing the same thing! But I am always reexamining our days. And in my quest to 'up my game', I think I should incorporate more learning and physical activities into our daily routine.

It's easier said than done. Because of the varying age groups, it is hard to follow through on my ideas. I have quite a few young ones at the moment; a few headed off to preschool; a few more off to kindergarten. That is what has always stopped me in my tracks before - those different ages and stages, varying schedules, nap times and interests of the kids I have.

I need to look and shop a little smarter. Starting with the educational toys for all ages ... and adding some physical dimension to our days. Something we can do despite the many variances in our days.

It is time to do some smart shopping and planning ... and restructure our days in a way that the kids can get the most out of their days here.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Recharging

It's been a tough week. I haven't had a week like this in a very long time. I was relieved that the weekend had arrived so that I could take a step back from my kid-life and recharge my own batteries.

By writing these blog entries and starting the daycare blog for my families, I have focused on the positive and it has created a new person within me. The standards I have set for myself are higher, I am focusing on the positive and it has created something within me that I expect to live up to. Every day.

When my personal life collided with my daycare life last week and I didn't look hard enough for the positives within my day, it was a recipe for disaster. Even now, as I recollect the week I am seeing the frustrations.

The positive side to all of the negatives, are my parents. I have one particularly intuitive mom that immediately sensed the difference in me. And it was compassion that I felt from her - not frustration that I didn't do my job as well as I could have that particular day. And as much as my schedule was upside down and backwards last week, in every case (except one), my parents kept me informed of the changes going on. They just couldn't know that I was also getting this from 3 other families and that the changes kept changing. But the parents did their job. They let me know what was happening.

Last year at this time, I was working through some pretty big upheavals in my personal life and I was not coping with my daytime 'career' with the kids in a positive fashion at all. I may have had an off week, but I'm doing far better than I have done before.

I've set the bar for myself a little higher. In a world surrounded by kids, where I am (for the most part) my own boss, I need to keep the desire to do my best at the top of my list. My blogs have served that purpose very well. My intent is to focus on the positive in every aspect of my life. And for the most part I am succeeding.

I am fortunate enough to have the weekend to take a step away and rethink my strategy for next week. I have read the blog of a 'daycare mom' that is available 24/7 and takes only a few days off in the entire year. My hat's off to her!! I really need time to recharge my batteries so that I can carry on. For that I am so grateful.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

When Bad Days Happen ...

I have just endured 'one of those days' ...

In retrospect, I can see that the reason that I had little to no coping skills with the kids today was due to what was happening in my personal life (a serious health concern with a close relative). As I was living the day, I couldn't see it though.

It is impossible to separate personal from business 100% of the time. Harder yet, when you run your business from your home. When you can physically disconnect your body from your home life it helps to separate the two worlds.

Today would be the day that parents would 'forget' (??) to pick up their children ... or a trained 4 year old would have two 'accidents' ... or people would change my schedule for tomorrow unexpectedly (again) ... or a different 4 year old would act up all morning (he was in dire need of sleep). And it didn't help matters that the sky has been opening up and pouring intermittently for the past several days and I didn't know if I should take the chance on taking the kids outside (bringing in 6 wet and sandy kids is not my favorite job in the world), so we spent the day indoors which is never a good choice when there is an alternative.

So yes. I made mistakes today. Many. My patience was not good to start with, but it was next to nil by the end of the day. And when I still had 4 kids here long after their expected pick up times, I literally could have cried.

One of my (late) parents looked at me and emphatically asked, "What's wrong??" And my voice quavered for a moment as I answered. I thought that the underlying issue was my personal concerns. But in that instant, the day flashed before me and I believe I answered, "It's been a very crappy day all around ..."

I have been so pleased with my patience levels lately. My voice and actions are much calmer ... my overall demeanor has been gentler. I set goals for myself to 'up my game' and be a better child care provider. And for the most part I felt that I was succeeding at my goals. I always felt that I provided a 'satisfactory' service to my families. But I was looking for better than that.

Maybe the reason that today felt like such a bad day, is that I've had so many good days that have preceded that. By 'upping my game', I have upped my standards. I expect more from myself.

Bad days happen. No matter who you are, where you work or what happens in the world around you ... some days are simply tough.

I'm letting myself off the hook today. I have realized by talking to a family member and alleviating some of my worries ... that this personal issue threw me for more of a loop than I realized at the time.

I'm human. Tomorrow is a new day. I will approach tomorrow with a fresh outlook on the day and whatever it brings.

Monday, July 7, 2008

The Joy of Talking to Other Daycare Providers

One of the things I love most about the summer is getting out to the parks and finding other daycare 'families' and their care provider out there. I thoroughly enjoy talking with someone who knows what it is like to walk in my shoes and hear their stories.

I enjoy watching others interact with 'their' kids and see what I can take away from that. I have seen one extreme to the other. One provider that called each of her children 'honey' and 'dear' and had her kids crawling all over her, vying for her attention .... to another overly strict person who seemed to have only one voice - loud and domineering. Then there are all the other ones in between (most of them fall somewhere in the middle of those two examples).

I love the conversation that comes up with other moms and daycare providers. Especially when we 'speak the same language' and we share our stories and experiences in a positive and encouraging manner. As any full time mom or daycare provider knows, spending 10 - 11 hours of your day in a child oriented world is lonely. I crave adult interaction in my days. And to find the company of another adult in a park where the children are happily playing and we are still doing our job ... is a gift.

It seems one can always find the negative in a situation. I talked with one other daycare 'mom' that told me of the other babysitters in the area that wouldn't even talk with her because of their competitive nature, vying for the business of the children in the area. This mentality amazes me. I don't consider other babysitters as my competition. I just consider them as other choices for the parents. I think finding a daycare that ''fits'' is an individual choice. What one person is looking for in a daycare is different from the next. I don't try to sell myself as something I'm not ... but I try to give a full picture as to who I am so the parents can make the choice that is best for them.

I've also talked/heard many stories about the ''parents they babysit for'' in a negative fashion. Once again this is something that I have rarely experienced. I often say that I have the best bosses in the world. There seems to be a mutual respect that we share, in keeping with the shared interest in their child. I feel valued and supported and part of a team in looking out for the best interest of their child (maybe this is because the parent has shopped around and found that what I have to offer 'fits' their needs the best?).

The conversations I enjoy are the ones where we share ideas of how we tend to our 'families'. Activities, routines and just the day-to-day stuff that we encounter. When I ran into a 'daycare mom' the other day and found out that she had been running her daycare for over 24 years, I felt that there was a wealth of knowledge to be gained by her experience. And in return, I think she also appreciated another voice that understood and heard her. I was busy video taping the kids and explained to her about my daycare blog for my parents and she was intrigued. With as much wisdom that she had, I think she also took something away from our brief encounter.

I enjoy being in a position of 'shared experience'. I don't relish the idea of a conversation being turned into an excuse to put down parents or other child care providers. I think everyone who takes care of children has a vast amount of knowledge to 'put into the pot' for others to learn from.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Life Lessons

'Life Lessons for Kids' is like a day in the park ...

I truly believe how I handle kids in the park is how I handle many of the lessons that kids need to learn.

I take precautions to keep them basically safe. Sunscreen, hats and making sure that they stay within the boundaries of the park. But other than that, I tend to be a hands-off care provider when it comes to the play equipment.

I find that kids (if left to their own devices) find out their limits through trial and error. If they can't climb onto a particular piece of play equipment, they aren't ready for it. As they try to test their limits and end up in a place where they can't go up or down, I'll help them down (not up!). In most cases, they will realize when they are beyond their comfort zone (and if left alone), they will climb back down before it gets too scary. Once they end up at the top of a tall structure, I stay close by to make sure they know their limits. I let them feel their fear and learn to trust their instincts to step back from danger on their own. Once they are up there, they have to discover the safe way to come down (or I'll show them).

I have watched parents/grandparents/caregivers help kids up to unsafe play areas. Then climb up and join them up there. Then when the adult steps back and lets the child play on their own, the child is so used to being helped and saved ... that they end up being the children that get hurt (a lot of the time anyway).

If a person grows up with that safety net around them all the time, they get used to being rescued. And don't learn the natural consequences of falling from a safe distance. Instead, they learn the lesson when the consequences are far more dangerous.

I tend to have that attitude with kids in general. I provide a safe home and yard for the children. Doors at the top of the stairs are closed; small objects are put away; I have few obstacles in the paths of children; cut up food into 'safe for the age group' pieces; supervise them; enforce the rules to keep them safe .... and let them be.

I do what I can to provide a safe environment but I don't coddle them. Kids need to fall before they can walk. They need to walk before they can run. They have to learn the consequences of their actions. And for the most part, there haven't been serious injuries on my watch (I do consider bumps, bruises and scrapes a part of the learning curve).

I have one particular child in my care right now that has very, very protective parents. Every bump and bruise must be accounted for, explained and justified. Taking this child to the park has been an adventure. He ends up in places that no 2 year old that I have babysat, has gone before. I don't encourage or help him up to these danger-areas ... but I stay close by. Last week I wouldn't take them to one particular park because he could get into too many unsafe predicaments. So we stayed at the 'safer park' where natural consequences were less dire. And I let him learn. Yes, he fell. Yes, he cried (and got right back on the piece of equipment that he fell off of to try again). Yes, he learned. The next day, at a different park I witnessed him exercise caution. He learned some limits. And the only visible wound he went home with, was from him running and falling on an unobstructed piece of tarmac in the school ground, with no other kids around.

We can follow every safety precaution we know of, and kids will still get hurt. Something will happen that no one would have ever predicted. The one year old I babysat came to daycare one morning with a cut on her lip. A bowl that her mom had been eating fruit out of broke, unbeknownst to anyone. A piece of glass from the bottom of the bowl broke off and this little girl ended up with it in her mouth. She was sitting on her mom's lap and no one could have ever predicted that this could have ever happened. It ended up being a very minor cut with no other consequences. But it enforced in my mind that there are limits as to what we can do to keep our children safe. Other than keeping them in a safe, protective bubble where they never learn the consequences of their actions, the best we can do is to provide a safe environment, supervise them and provide some guidelines to keep them within a 'safety range' in keeping with their age. And be there to pick them up when they fall. Because they will fall.