Choices in Parenting

The dilemmas that mothers face, when it comes to working outside the home verses being a stay at home mom are many.

In many cases, parents don't feel like they have a choice and that is the toughest spot to be in. When a person does have a choice it isn't a lot easier. How are you going to be the best parent and set the example you want to set for your child?

I was thrown into the work world without a second thought after the birth of my first 2 children. I have no regrets, because I needed to learn what working in the real world could teach me. I had my mom step in and help out for a few years and wonderful daycare providers after that.

I was very fortunate when I was working outside the home. I didn't bring my parenting issues to work (though I can't always say the same about not bringing my work stresses home with me). I had 2 very separate worlds which worked well for me, yet independent of each other.

Taking my children to daycare provided us the opportunity to adapt to the separation issues early on. They learned to play with and befriend children of all ages. They learned to trust and respect another adult care provider. They were kept busy, active and learned a lot about the social interactions with their peers that they would need to know later in life. Starting school was a non-issue because they had already adapted to the idea of being away from me, being with other children and respecting another adult. The work/daycare experience worked well for us.

Something happened within me after the birth of my 3rd (and last) child. I had a burning desire to be a stay at home mom. I am a single parent, so this option has never really been available to me. But this third time around ... I wanted to find a way to be a mom. Thus, my daycare was born.

As much as my first 2 children learned from going to daycare ... my third child has gained just as much by being at home with me and a house full of other children.

He was 6 months old when I started taking care of children. He has known no other life, than a life where he shared his mom, his house, his toys and his time with other children. He grew up with children of all ages. He anticipated going to school like 'the big kids', he has faced bullying, bad language and behaviours of all kinds - all from the comfort of home. It hasn't always been easy, but when the going got tough I kept telling myself that he was going to meet these personalities at some time in his life anyway. So I felt fortunate to be at his side and get through the tough spots together.

He is now 10 1/2 years old and he is 'the big kid' now. He will take the older kids under his wing and create fun and games that entertain them. He won't take any nonsense from the kids - if they don't follow the rules of the game, they don't get to play. He talks to them in a very respectful way. He is setting a positive example for them. Granted, there are days when he needs time to himself and I never begrudge him those times. He has shared every part of his life ever since he has a memory. If he needs to take a step away and take some time alone, he deserves that.

He has learned through watching different children's behaviours, what kind of parenting works and what doesn't. He has gained a wealth of knowledge, just be being a part of this world of children, parents and responsibility. Because he has seen all of this through the eyes of a child, he has a wider perspective than I do, at times. We have conversations about behaviours and discipline.

We have an amazing relationship for many reasons. One of which, is because I have been here for him every day of his life. But that is a small thing in the whole scheme of things. We have both shared our lives with other children and families for over a decade. The children come and go. He has made many friends throughout the years that he still keeps in touch with, even though they have outgrown the need to come to daycare. But one thing remains constant - at the end of the day, we have each other. We may be at opposite ends of the house doing things independently from each other. But we are family. He knows that he's special. For many reasons, but the biggest reason of all is because he is my son.

Being a stay at home mom has been the greatest gift. Raising my child within the daycare that I have at home has been a great opportunity to teach him coping skills for school and life outside of these doors at home.

I have no regrets. I have raised each of my children in the best way that I could, at the time. Had I stayed at home from the beginning, I would not have become the person that I needed to be as the years progressed. I had much to learn, that the work-world taught me. I have learned even more through running my daycare. I believe I learned what I needed to know, in the order I needed to learn it. I have been the best parent that I was capable of being. I had a lot of room to grow, so I've been a different parent to each of my children.

What I know now, is that you can only do your best. One can always strive to make their best ... better. When it comes to working inside or outside the home, everyone needs to find what works best for them.

Silence is Golden

I have just endured one of the noisiest daycare-days in recent history. My ears were ringing with the incessant chatter, loud voices and whining, with running and jumping tossed in to help the floor vibrate a bit.

Kids are kids. Noise happens. But man, oh man! I don't handle the excesses of noise ... at all.

At one time, I ran on a very short fuse. I would anger very quickly and patience was not my strong point. Today felt like one of those old days. It was the noise.

I see no reason why anyone must shout when a quiet voice will suffice. There was one voice that dominated the day. That of a 3 year old boy, who is discovering the wonderful world of vocabulary. Out loud. Non stop. And loudly.

I try everything ... from talking to him quietly and reminding him to talk in a quiet voice. To shushing him. To telling him to just ... think. Thank goodness he still naps. I don't know what I'd do if he didn't.

Then I have two girls (cousins) that arrived together today. They walk in the door and instantly want something they can't have/reach/or do on their own. The first sounds out of their mouths are noises of demanding something from me. They don't speak well, so anything beyond the most basic words comes out as a nasal sounding noise that is pure gibberish to my ears. This background 'music' goes on. All day.

Then there is a 4 year old girl with a loud, loud voice. When some one is bugging her, not doing what she wants ... when she is playing, laughing, talking ... it is all on a high volume. She plays hard, talks lots and if she's not happy, I think my neighbors know it.

Then there are the quiet ones that are just waiting for an excuse to lose their inhibitions and go wild. My quiet one gets very, very loud and rambunctious in the company of a noisier crowd.

There were only 5 of them ... but it sounded like 15.

Noise tires and frustrates me. It feels absolutely heavenly to be sitting down at the end of this long and loud day with only the hum of the computer, the clacking of the computer keys and the background traffic as it drives by.

I'd love to have a little cone of silence to retreat into, on days like this. But the good thing is ... that days like this do come to an end.