Saturday, May 31, 2008

Another Week's Recap

I'm thinking that I would like to wind up each week on my 'Daycare Blog' with a video montage of our week in review. It takes a lot of time at the end of the week to put this all together (even though I had been editing some clips along the way, the final product takes a little more tweaking so you aren't watching 'too much' of a good thing), but I like what this little recap does for me.

Of course one edits out anything negative and all you focus on is the good stuff. And at the end of the day ... isn't that the way one should live??

As I find myself surrounded by 1 - 5 year olds for 65 - 70% of the waking hours of my week, I think it is good for me if I can focus on the good stuff.

One starts thinking and feeling the emotions of a child when you are around them all day. Feeling the emotions on the one being picked on or teased, I have had some very child-like reactions to some of these scenarios. I am too emotionally involved at times.

This daycare blog is being enjoyed by my daycare families ... but I think I am doing it for myself as much as anything. It's kind of like a gratitude journal. At the end of the day, think of all the good things that happened and focus on them.

Being a daycare provider without adult company at the end of the day can prove to be a challenge at times. Focusing on the good parts of the day has put an entirely different spin on what I do all day. And there is something about video that captures the essence of childhood. The small nuances (the quietness the kids display when the camera is on is enjoyable unto itself!) and the innocense comes through.

Literally creating a positive vision of the week, as the week winds up is good for me. And I think my daycare families are enjoying it as well.

Friday, May 30, 2008

The Bulldozer

There always seems to be a person that dominates a group. The 'leader' ... whether the group is looking for one or not.

It can be a young little person just taking what they want because they don't know better. It can be an older little person manipulating a situation and 'bulldozing' their way to a place of power and dominance. It can be an adult in a group just taking charge of a situation that no one asked to be taken over.

That dominant personality is in all areas of life. At home, school, work and play.

I seem to be focusing on my 'underdogs' this week. The children that are getting bulldozed and manipulated by others. This seems to be what I am seeing.

I find this bulldozer trait a little more forgiving when the intent is innocent. The young ones that haven't learned better.

When I see that 'look' of knowing when a manipulative personality has wangled a situation to their liking and they 'always get the toy' or 'get their turn more often' or simply 'get what they want', it really irritates me.

I think the ones being 'bulldozed' also need to learn to find their voice and stand up for their rights. Everyone deserves to be heard.

"No means no" is a phrase I repeat over and over and over. I want these kids to learn that you don't overstep someone else's boundaries. Right now, it is simple things like taking a toy or taking someone else's turn. But as they grow, the ''No means no" is even more important. A girl should feel empowered by saying that to a boy if they ''go too far'' ... and the boy should learn to listen. No one at any age or stage of their life should feel overpowered by someone just because they are bigger or stronger.

No doesn't mean "maybe." No doesn't mean "I'll think about it." No deserves to be heard and heeded.

"No means no!"

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Endless Possibilities

The greatest thing about children is that they haven't learned all that they cannot do ... not until we teach them.

A story from the book "The Persistence of Yellow" reminded me of this special wonder of childhood:

"My daughter asked me how to fly, never thinking she could not learn. She thinks I have the recipe for flight. So we climb a tree and watch the evening sky. And wait for the necessary ingredients."

When you know no limitations, the possibilities are endless.

A boy that I used to take care of, was inspired by a penny drive that was being held, at the hospital his grandpa was in. He asked if anyone could participate (he was 10 years old at the time) and he was highly encouraged. As soon as he had the go ahead to start collecting pennies and the belief that anything is possible, the sky was the limit.

He raised about 114,000 pennies the first year he did it. His goal this year is to collect a million. When you believe in something and go after it with all of your heart, anything is possible.

A child's imagination is full of endless possibilities. It's our job to let them believe in themselves and let whatever dreams are possible for them to come true. Not be giving them everything they ask for ... but by letting them believe in themselves and learn the power they have within them.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Children at Play

For the most part, watching children at play is enjoyable.

Yesterday I had one of those days where it felt like kids were bickering and picking on one child in particular. It was the negative moments that resonated within me long after the day was done.

There is always an underdog. One child that is a bit quieter or sensative and is easily bugged or hurt. Why do kids hone in on this trait some days (yet other days they all play just fine)?

Growing up is painful at times. There are ages and stages that none of us would like to return to. That stage (it seems it happens more at school) where there is that 'shift of power' and someone is being bugged and someone is doing the bugging. There is a dynamic that develops among the kids here, that is very much like a sibling relationship. That love/hate feeling where they are best of buddies one moment and at war, the next.

I was reading a book and a small part of it was on the sibling relationships. There was a paragraph of note in this particular book: "Anyway, that's what brothers and sisters are for - to make each other's lives as difficult as possible as they grow up. It forms a great basis for life, toughens you up."

It immediately made me think of the dynamics of the personalities I have here. Yes. There are 'those days' where you really wonder why kids must be like that. For the most part, they really aren't cruel (no name calling and the behaviours that seem to come with school) ... but when they hone in on someone's sensitivity and prey on it, it is frustrating and hurtful.

I had put a tape recorder in the living room (to see if I could find a way to download this onto the computer to share the 'voices' of the day on my daycare blog) and recorded about 2, 10 minute spans of time in the day. When I replayed it last night, what I heard were kids playing. They were all involved (a definate leader though) and everyone was getting along. It was noisy ... but they were having fun at no one's expense.

Why is it that at the end of the day, I felt the entirety of the day was the scenario of the one little boy feeling hurt at the expense of the others?

Unfinished business. That is always what rises to the top. What needs attention, gets attention.

So today, I shall face the day with a renewed attitude and try to listen in on where this begins and see if we can nip it in the bud. We have a different set of personalities here today so that could change the entire dynamic. It usually does.

But my goal for myself today is to focus on what is positive in our day. We definately have much more good than bad happen in a day. The key is to savor that and often that diminishes the negative.

Children at play. Childhood should be a time of innocense. But it seems the lessons we all must learn in life start at birth. Life isn't perfect. The social interactions that happen while the kids are in my care are only a small piece of what is coming when they head off to school. I guess this is a place where I can start to provide some of the tools and coping mechanisms to deal with it (and try to make the dominant personalities realize how they are making another person feel).

Life is really a learning curve. It never ends.

Monday, May 26, 2008

The Ultimate Gift

What people say can make such a difference ...

One of the first children in my care when I started up my daycare was a little girl just a few months younger than my own son. I started taking care of her when she was about 6 months old and our children grew up together and have become the best of friends.

I have needed to have a place for my own son to be, on various occasions this past little while and I approached this mom about an exchange of 'babysitting services'. She was in full agreement with the idea and we discussed that it would be a trade off - I had no desire for this to work only one way. The mom was fully agreeable on the idea and I have utilized this situation a lot more than I am comfortable with lately.

I have to work this upcoming Saturday and then have plans for an overnight stay in Regina with friends. So I needed a place for my son to stay for 2 days. I gingerly approached her about this and asked her to think long and hard about it before she agreed (but if she had plans or reservations, an immediate "no" would be okay).

Anyway, she called me this morning to tell me that it would work out just fine for him to stay with them next weekend. I tried to put a dollar value on what I would owe her for this, because to me it is priceless. I couldn't begin to put a number on what it was worth to me ... but I kind of tossed out a number so we had a starting point.

And her reply to me is the gift I am talking about ....

She said that I took care of her daughter since she was a baby and that I was part of the reason that she has become as good a kid as she is today, so she really had no need for financial compensation.

This is a mom that I've had some 'hard conversations' with. We got through some tough times. And this is my reward.

I feel fully appreciated and valued. For her to tell me this was a gift to me. I still plan on trading off services in lieu of her keeping my son this weekend, but the words she spoke were the best gift a caregiver could ever receive.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Communication With Parents

I've always tried to have an open door policy with my parents - for them to feel free to drop in at any point in the day, to feel comfortable with talking with me at drop off and pick up times and just keeping an open line of communication.

This just seemed like it was the natural way to do things, but one of my families had to find another childcare provider for a while, when their work shifts changed and I just couldn't keep the kids that late. This family returned when their work shifts allowed it and they were so glad to be back. One of the comments the mom made, was how unwelcome she felt when she dropped off her children at the new daycare. The lady who was taking care of her kids wasn't into long drop offs and waiting out that adjustment period while the parent and child got used to the idea of being separated for the day. Some kids need this time, some parents need this time and others are in a hurry and they are out the door quickly. It's just whatever a certain family needs.

I admit that sometimes witnessing this drawn out struggle is tedious (especially when you kind of know that the child is just pushing the parent's guilt buttons). But I've never fought it. Sometimes it is needed (I think the parent may need it as much or more than the child at times). But what it does, is give me a chance to visit with the parent (if the child's behaviour allows). The better we know each other, the better our working relationship is. And it is nice to connect on a personal level as well - I think everyone likes to feel that certain 'click' when they know they feel okay with the person tending their child all day.

I have had parents that have needed to call several times a day, to check in on how their child is doing. Others don't need it. I tell the parents to do whatever feels comfortable with them. It's up to them. And I certainly don't mind a phone call during the day - I can walk around with the phone and do whatever has to be done while I'm talking. It's really okay.

I've had several difficult conversations with parents over the course of my child care career. When you are talking about someone's child, it is very fragile territory. It is something that I handle with care. And I have been very, very fortunate. In almost every case, I think the parent is relieved to know the problems we are having and have a chance to work out the solutions together.

I handled one case wrong. All wrong ....

There were ongoing behaviours that were escalating, but I knew that this family would be done with my services for the season (the dad worked spring through fall and had winters off). Their last days for the season were coming and I just gritted my teeth and bared it, thinking "Only __ amount of days left ..."

So I wasn't prepared for the phone call on the last day of their fall season (or very close to that) when the dad said that he was going to be working all winter, after all. I had a crazy-chaotic morning happening as we spoke and I reacted emotionally and without weighing my words. I blurted out the behaviour problems we were having and said that I didn't know if I could take care of them, without stopping to think how I was coming across. I handled the situation terribly. This had the potential of going so very wrong, after about 6 years of caring for their children.

Thankfully, thankfully the mom called me back and we decided to have coffee on a quiet, kidless Sunday afternoon to discuss the issues I had brought up. I had 2 days to think of what I had said and try to smooth the sting of my words.

Again, had the parents reacted emotionally to what I had said this story could have had a terrible ending. They were definitely upset with hearing about their child in such an abrupt manner and justifiably upset that I had let things go on without talking to them about it. I knew I handled this wrong and was willing to admit my failings. I am so grateful that these parents and I had a lot of positive years and experience behind us and they were willing to talk with me and come to a solution.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I work for some of the best people out there. These parents and I talked about the offending behaviours, they talked to their child, the family returned (and the previous behaviours were much improved) and we got over the hurdle intact. Their children outgrew the need of daycare soon after that, and we parted on good terms.

I'm sure that there have been families that may have found another caregiver when we just didn't connect on a level that each of us felt good about. I've had instances where circumstances (location or the need to get a child to and from preschool) have appeared to be the motive for a move to a new daycare, but I wonder if they were maybe looking for a different kind of 'mother figure' for their child. And that is okay. A person should go with their instincts and follow where they lead. When it comes to children, I tell my parents to follow what they feel good with. I'm not the right person for everyone.

I think this openness has been the reason for the wonderful parents I work with. I think respect works both ways and if we are both on the same page, we can talk and work out most of the speed bumps along the way.

I am a far, far cry from a perfect daycare provider. I know I have many failings ... and I give myself a bit of a break from some of my errors (due to the long days of endless children and no adult support in my days) ... but I am working hard to find a way to make me the best that I can be.

Talking with my parents and feeling a comfortable rapport has always been one of my strong points. I've got many other issues to work on, but I've got some solid foundation to work with.

Friday, May 23, 2008

An Almost Perfect Day

I thought I'd video tape little bits of our day to put together a video for my parents on my Daycare Blog. What a difference a camera makes!!

A person acts very differently with a camera overseeing the action. The kids were so easy to be around - there was little (if any) bickering, the voices were lower, the behaviours were better. My behaviour was much better as well.

A person needs to weigh their words before they say them whether you are being recorded or not. All of our actions bounced off each other and the boomerang effect made for a most wonderful day.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Living in the Moment

Today was the first official day of reporting on the 'day care blog' for my families. The day wasn't perfect, but it was very close.

Being aware, being in the moment, listening and appreciating what the kids are doing and saying,with the intent of reporting these little stories to my parents worked wonders for me. I listened to myself and my own reactions a lot closer too. I did a better job today. My head was in the right place - with the kids (instead of thinking of the many ongoing lists I have of things to do ).

The kids had a conversation at lunch today instead of some of the silliness that has been taking over the lunch table lately. We got to go to the park this morning and stayed outside this afternoon. Being outside is a day-saver in itself.

It was a good day all around. And I actually think that the kids felt the same way. We all appreciated each other just a little bit more today.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A Daycare Blog!

I am so excited ... I have started up a blog for my daycare families to check in on. Just little updates, stories, some of the funny things that happen or that kids say throughout the day. Also a way of reminding them of upcoming days off or holidays and other information.

The thing I am so excited about, is that it will keep me conscious of my day and in the moment. I so often get wrapped up in the things that must be done that I miss out on what is happening in our day. I need to find a way to focus on the positive and the spontaneous fun that kids can have.

By 'reporting in' to my parents, it will keep me at my best. I believe my best is slipping and I want to improve. I need to find ways to inspire me and excite me. It is truly a blessing to be surrounded by the innocense of youth every day. In the mad rush of getting through the days and all that must be done, I forget that.

When you work on your own, you don't have a boss that is watching what you do and ready to praise or critique you. It's up to me to find a way to up my game.

The responsibility I have with all of these little ones is tremendous. I need to find a way to be the best I can be, at what I am doing ...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

First Day Back

It was a rather enjoyable day.

The kids all seemed so happy to see each other after the long weekend. I had a houseful today and sometimes that makes it easier. Everyone always has someone to play with. And if they aren't getting along with one person, they can go and play with someone else.

There is nothing worse than those long days where it seems the kids just pick on each other or wander around acting bored. Today was nothing like that. It was a treat.

It was a cool, windy and cloudy day outside. So we ended up staying in for the day. I had everything set to go outside after quiet time, but the wind plus the age groups and varying schedules I had, just didn't seem to make it worth the effort.

I stumbled upon some daycare advertisements on the internet today and surveyed the rates (where they had them posted). I averaged out the rates and found mine fall right about in the middle of all of them. One thing that I did discover is that some daycare providers have a higher rate for those that attend less than 81 hours a month. I definately think that I will incorporate that into my 'fall rate schedule'.

I sat down and wrote down all of the changes that I know about, coming up this fall. I have 2 heading off to preschool; 3 more off to Kindergarten (one will be going to Kindergarten full days, 5 days a week); I believe my 11 (almost 12) year old will be on his own by next fall; one mom will be on maternity leave in December; and I possibly have 3 new ones coming before &/or after school. Lots of changes in the air. But I've learned that one can never plan or expect anything. Things change like the wind in the daycare world.

I'm looking forward and trying to discover what lies ahead. Maybe I can't know exactly what will happen, but I can be prepared. No matter how topsy turvy things may appear sometimes, they always manage to work out for the best.

I hope tomorrow goes as well as today did. I think we all enjoyed our break!

Monday, May 19, 2008

'Home' Again ...

The family that I wrote in my last blog, may be returning ....

I feel good that they may be coming back. This little girl is so good and she is enjoyable to have here. Not to mention the friendship she shares with my own son.

When this family moved out of my daycare, they changed schools, daycare providers and a whole new set of friends for their child. She has been out of my care for almost 2 years.

Sometimes ... it isn't about the money. When looking out for the best interest of your child, it is wise to look beyond the dollar signs.

I don't want to be ''all about the money'' either. Some give and take is required on both parts. There are parents that would pay almost anything I asked - they are so grateful to have their child with someone they trust. Then again, there are other parents that are financially strapped. I've been there. I was a working mom for the 20 years that preceded starting up this daycare. The reason I felt that I could be an effective daycare provider is because I knew what it was like to be the parent in need of daycare. I don't ever want to loose that perspective. And when it becomes all about the money ... it's time to reexamine my priorities.

This is why I have such a hard time placing a value on what I do. I have people tell me that I should raise my rates. The whole world has gone mad, in the financial scheme of things lately. Prices of everything is going up, up, up.

I'll sit down and play with the numbers this week and see what I come up with. I don't want to lose any children because of my rates. My motto has always been "I want the rates to be fair for both the parent and for me."

In the meantime, I'm very pleased that this little girl will probably be returning. I feel like she will be 'coming home' again.

Friday, May 16, 2008

What Am I Worth?

It's hard to put a dollar value on what I do. When I first started up my daycare I phoned around and surveyed what other childcare providers charged. I was inexperienced in the daycare world and without special education (or first aid/CPR courses at the time). So I came up with my rates based on all of these variables (and I'm pretty sure they were on the low side).

As time went on, my experience started adding up and I had the first aid/CPR courses, I raised my rates. Since that time, I've tried to work out flat rates verses higher rates when the schedules vary. I've increased my rates when new families start, while grandfathering others with the old rates. I had intended on raising my rates last fall, but I had been treated so fairly by all of the families (that could afford to do so) that I just didn't have the heart to do it in the end. At one time, I had a single mom that came to me even though she really couldn't afford the rates. She paid much more than her budget could afford and I looked into getting licensed so that she could be subsidized (but I ended up not following through on that because I liked to have a little more flexibility than was allowed if I had become licensed).

I have worked for the best parents I could ever hope for. There have been rare occasions where I have felt under valued and under appreciated. But for the most part, I have been treated very well. Most of my parents show and tell me how much they appreciate what I do on a fairly regular basis.

I have had many families need to have someone available 5 days a week, but due to varying schedules and grandparents or other family members picking up kids or taking them for an odd day, that they don't always use me 5 days a week. But I have to be ready for these families on a moments notice; they take up one 'spot' in my daycare whether they are here or not. How to handle this type of situation always plagued me. Until I had one family tell me how much they appreciated knowing that I was always here, always available and willing to be flexible. They didn't mind paying me for the times they didn't use my services, because the value to them is that they were guaranteed their spot here. It was at that point, that I realized that yes ... I do have 'value'. And others in similar situations should treat me in the same fashion.

This is where it gets tricky ... this is my business. A person becomes very friendly with the families that come here. I think it is possible to maintain a business attitude and at the same time feel a personal connection to the families that I work for. I pride myself on the relationships I have with 'my parents'. I feel like we are working together in raising these children. I feel very much part of a team. But when the lines shift and it is like a friend working for a friend, it gets more complicated to work out the financial end of the equation.

I have lost one family because of the money part of our deal. We were connected on a personal level as well which made for a very hurtful scenario. When all was said and done, we parted as friends and I still take care of this girl from time to time. Our kids are best friends and this parent has a heart of gold. The only aspect we didn't see eye to eye on was 'what I was worth'. I lost a business transaction but I've kept a friend.

It's hard to mix business with friendship. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But in the end, it is good to stick to one's principals. I'm worth something. It is simply hard to put a dollar value on it.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Consistency

My common refrain is, "Mary Poppins, I am not." I'm not a warm and fuzzy, fun loving kind of parent, let alone care-giver. I admire those that can stop life in its tracks and simply savor every moment with children. I have moments like that. But more often than not, I am like a fly on a wall. I'm enjoying it by being on the outside, looking in. I'm not usually a part of it.

What I do provide is consistency. The rules and expectations here don't change. There is a routine to our days. So even those children who don't have a concept of time learn the cycles of the day and know what to expect. The play time may be inside or outside or at the park. But lunch is always at the same time. And a few hours after that is rest and quiet time. Snack time follows that ... and after that time the parents start trickling in and picking up their children.

It amazes me how quickly the kids learn the flow of the day. I have one little guy who sheds his socks soon after he arrives. I have learned not to even try to fight it. I just put his socks away and put them back on him, with the last diaper change of the day. It wasn't too long into his days here (he started coming when he was 1 1/2 yrs old) that he put it together. As soon as I put his socks on, he said, "Mom. Mom. Mom." (he has a habit of repeating the word until you acknowledge you know what he means). He was little over 18 months old and he knew the correlation between his socks going on and his mom coming.

I also 'color code' the belongings that each of the kids may use here. If their color is pink, then they have a pink glass, a pink wash cloth and a pink comb. I had one little one that only came here for a short little while. When lunch time comes, each of the kids simply sits where ever they spot their glass. It's a routine that works like a charm - I pick and choose who sits where and beside whom. And the kids just follow their glass. No questions asked. I couldn't believe how quickly this new little guy picked up on his color. He was around 2 yrs old at the time.

I also have a rule about cleaning up one mess before you make another. I have a lot of toys that are at arms reach all of the time and those toys are usually out and about some where. But I have large containers full of different toys with various 'themes' (dress up toys; baby toys; barbie dolls; etc). And the kids do need some assistance getting at those toys. The refrain is always the same, "Pick up one thing before you bring out another." This works like a charm at teaching kids to pick up toys without it becoming a power struggle. One little guy learned very quickly that he wouldn't get the different toys until he cleaned up what was already out and about. He would walk around cleaning up toys and I was so impressed with him. Then after that was done, he would ask for a different set of toys to be brought out. This is the same child that wouldn't pick up one toy when his mom would come to pick him up at the end of the day. There was consolation in the fact that he cleaned up as he went along all day, so the power struggles with his mom at the end of the day eventually lessened in that regard.

I remind myself of a drill sergeant with the expectations I have of the kids here. I feel like a broken record a lot of the time. But the one thing that doesn't change is what is expected. I have my little motto's: "Eat at the table ... play with the toys" (in response to fooling around at the table and putting toys in their mouths). "You break it ... I take it." (it never fails - there is always one child that has the annoying habit of breaking or taking apart the toys). "Always flush. Always wash." (my bathroom rules) "What are you teaching him, when you do that?" (when the older kids try to take advantage of the little ones and grab toys from them) "I can hear you when you talk just like this (in a quiet voice)." Loud, screaming voices inside the house drive me crazy... "Walk inside. Run outside."

Yes. Mary Poppins, I am not. The drill sergeant? More so. But it doesn't change. I am the same and expect the same and provide the same routine day after day. Consistency and knowing what to expect. Isn't that something that everyone wants, no matter how old you are?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Children Are Always Watching

I am riddled with guilt today because of the way I handled a situation and the way it appeared to happen to a child in my care. I'm not making excuses for myself, because I know I could have and should have handled this much better. I'm the adult. It's my job to set an example. And I failed.

One of the little girls I was tending was being 'timed out' in the kitchen for a minor misdemeanor. I took her hand (firmly but not forcefully) and as we started heading towards the kitchen, she flopped her legs out from under herself and flung herself to the floor. She has pulled this little maneuver several times before, but the difference today is that she hit her head on the corner of the (soft) couch as she was doing it. So by all outward appearances, it appeared that I was responsible for the collision.

As I said, she has done this before so I didn't apologize. I told her to stand up and we continued to head to the kitchen for the time out. At the time, I wasn't proud of the fact that she crashed into the couch. Nor did I feel responsible for it. So I didn't say I was sorry or explain what happened to the onlookers.

That could have been where this story ends. Except children are little sponges. They see a behavior and immediately they put this new information to use.

'Immediately' didn't happen until I was in the final stages of making lunch. One of my little guys (2 yrs) screamed at the top of his lungs (he never cries) and I ran to see what happened. I asked and immediately the guilty party started stammering "Uh ... uh ... uh ... uh ..." This is a 4 yr old boy who talks fluently and explicitly. I told him I wanted him to tell me the truth and he continued to "uh..." his way through.

I sat everyone down for lunch except for the 4 yr old. It wasn't too long before he confessed that he had taken the 2 yr old by the arm and swung him into the couch (because he wanted his toy back).

It was as the afternoon unfolded and I had a chance to rethink the whole scene, that I realized that the 4 yr old had copied what he thought he had seen that very morning. He reenacted 'my crime'.

I felt sickened by the play of events. I knew that I was responsible for the outcome because I handled a situation wrong. I know kids copy what they see. I have a huge responsibility to set the example for the behaviors I expect. Huge.

How can we expect children to act and behave any differently than the examples set before them? They see, hear and feel it all.

Boredom is a State of Mind

Nothing gets my dander up more than hearing the words "It's boring here" coming from the mouth of a young child.

This house is abuzz with kids, activity, toys, games, computer access, movies ... "Boring was a word that was never used." is a quote from my Mom, as she spoke of her childhood. I must have been raised that way, because I feel exactly the same.

As long as one has the ability to have and use your imagination, you should never be bored unless you make a conscious decision to do so.

One of my kids invented his own little game for himself over the weekend. His dad bought him a big set of dice, and this little 4 year old came home and devised a game. He used some toys he already had and the markings on the kitchen floor. He threw the dice, counted the dots and moved his toys across the floor.

In a day and age where kids have technology at there hands and toys that do things and entertainment all around them, the simplicity of games invented with their creative and wide open minds is becoming a lost art.

Of all the toys I have around here, the lego/duplo blocks and the sandbox are the most utilized. They are a new toy every day. The other toys, used with new ideas and imaginations also provide entertainment.

But when the kids sit and say they are bored so easily ... it makes me wonder if we have gone too far in providing entertaining toys for our children. It isn't excessive 'stuff' that keeps one stimulated. It is one's mind and an imagination that provide hours busying one's mind.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mapping Out the Day

I love the quiet of the morning before my day officially begins. Time to take for myself and gradually time to look at the day that lies before me and see what we can do with it.

Today looks like it has the potential to be a good day. A perfect amount of kids coming which gives us some choices as to what we can do and where we can go. I have our lunch menu planned and hope to be outside for the remainder of the day by snack time.

Kids + fresh air + sunshine = a good day!

Last week as the kids were enjoying being back in the back yard and sandbox/play area after a long winter, these are some of the comments I heard:

"There is so much to do out here! This is fun!"

"This is boring ... we want to go inside ..."

Different kids, different days. I have one child that is the constant factor. He is always here. And he is very quick to adopt the attitude of the others that are here. He was thrilled to be outside and playing with different toys and doing different things. Until someone else on a different day planted the idea that being inside would be better.

Young or old, we are swayed by the attitudes around us. Attitudes are infectious. I try so hard to nurture the positive ones ... but some days it just doesn't happen.

There are leaders in every group. It doesn't matter what age you are. I watch the leaders and followers in my care change as the day goes on. Kind of like the birds flying in 'V' formation. One always manages to take the lead. I think that is why I almost prefer to have a varying age group around at times. You do want that 'leader' to change from time to time. As we get older, there are times to lead and times to follow. It all starts at a very young age.

There are so many things in our lives that affect how we see and react to the world. I look at daycare as being a stepping stone to going to school. Going to school teaches what you need to know about going into the working world. The relationships that surround our children teach them how to treat others. It all starts from home. When the rules at home are parallel with the rules and expectations at daycare, it really makes the transitions a lot easier. Kids will test the rules continually ... it's our job to be consistent (easier said than done).

And so another day begins. And ... my thoughts are all over the map!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Kids Rules

1. Do not walk if you can run
2. Do not talk if you can scream
3. If the other guy has it ... I want it
4. If I'm the 'other guy' ... I'm keeping it!
5. If crying works, I'll do it
6. Wrestling is in a boy's genes!
7. The worst your child will ever be, is when a parent and a caregiver are in the same room

The One Time I Quit

I once had a friend who had an ADHD child, before ADHD was a well known or understood condition.

Her son was asked to be removed from daycares and schools time and time again. Devastating for the parent, heart breaking for the child. I knew this child and even my own son didn't want to be around him. This boy faced rejection on every level.

It was with this family in mind, that I adopted my ''never give up'' attitude. Man! I've had my moments. But when push comes to shove, I think of my friend and her son. And I think, "I'm not going to do that to this family."

I had one family that eventually I had to ask to find a new childcare provider. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. But in the end, I saw no other option.

There was a 'sexual' factor to a lot of the behaviors that were disturbing. It started out with curiosity issues, which is a phase that isn't out of the ordinary with young children. It started feeling more uncomfortable when the older of the 2 boys started saying inappropriate things about one of the girls I was tending at the time. I talked to the parent as these things occurred and I was assured that they talked to the boys. But the incidents kept coming up. The behavior and talk really made me wonder where a 4 year old would come up with these ideas. My instincts were telling me that these were not ideas that children come up with on their own. Again, I talked to the parent and voiced my concerns. Again, she talked to her boys. It was when other parents also voiced their discomfort with this family that I asked the family to find another daycare provider. It was the toughest conversation I have ever had with a parent. Because I also hoped the parent would look deeper into the source of my concerns. All I had was a feeling ...

Protecting the children in my care is my priority. I have often wondered about these boys though. I hope upon hope that my instincts were wrong. But what if they were right. Could I have been an adult they could have come to??

Children are Like Snowflakes

As with snowflakes, no 2 children are alike. You may be able to take what you learn from one child to deal with another. It might work .... and it might not. But you never stop learning. As much as I've learned, I know I have an infinite amount more to know. If ever I start to believe otherwise, it is time to quit.

It never fails ... there is always a ''challenge'' child in my care. The face may change, the specific behavior may change, but that challenge never disappears.

My sweetest success stories come from those children that have been the most trying. In many cases, it's been a slow, gradual and almost imperceptible change to some of these behaviors. I will sit back in a quiet moment and watch the kids. Then I think about how far we've come. And it never fails, no matter what the behavior was at the beginning ... and how far from perfect it my be at the moment ... it is an improvement.

I described one child in particular, as being like an undisciplined dog on a leash. You could keep him under control, but it was a constant pull on the leash. It was exhausting in every sense of the word. I lost my temper too many times. When a person says the same thing time after time; day after day; month after month ... one's voice gets far too loud. But we were making a small amount of progress. It may have been baby steps, but they were forward steps.

Eventually he was diagnosed with ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder) which wasn't a surprise to me. I have had other children (who at a glance) had some of those qualities that one associates with ADHD children. But there was a difference. In one case, the child was simply exhausted. The moment I told him to sit still (and he listened), he fell asleep. His 'hyper' activity was his way of keeping himself awake. With my 'true' ADHD child, this was not the case. He seemed physically unable to still himself. As we watched a movie, I would sit by him and hold the hand that wouldn't keep still. Then the second hand. Then the feet would start. I used my legs to try to still those ... and then it was if his entire body would vibrate. He became quieter ... but he never became 'still'.

Yet it was actually sad, when he started taking medication to control his behavior. He seemed almost lethargic. His hearty appetite disappeared. His essence was changed. The positive that came out of that was in the way the kids started including him in their games after they realized that he had changed.The social acceptance, as with the positive change that happened at school were the benefits he reaped. To get positive feedback is vital - for those children who hear nothing but negative has to tear away at their very heart and soul.

I've had him in my care for almost 3 years now. What a difference from then until now!

The Beginning

I am a single mom who has managed to find myself on my own when, or shortly after each of my 3 children were born.

My third child was born in June, 1998. One sunny afternoon, as I was sitting on the floor in our living room with my new baby, I realized with 100% certainty, that this was what I had wanted all of my life. All I ever really wanted to be was ... a mom.

My mind went to work to find a way to become a stay-at-home-mom. The more I thought and planned, the more I started to believe that I could do it. I immersed myself in 'Oprah' and she had guests that spoke directly to me and gave me the key to believe that this could happen.

Then ... I said it out loud. I spoke my desire to a group of friends that inspire and encourage me. When I spoke from my heart that I truly wanted this, all I heard was their belief that "Yes - you can do this."

The how to do this was a process. I listed all the ideas I had, as to how to support myself. I had some different ideas, but the one that surfaced to the top, was running a daycare from my home.

When I was young, I knew that I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. My childhood dream was to become a teacher and move back to Saskatchewan (we moved to Edmonton when I was 9 years old). I had moved back to Saskatchewan with my boys when I was 27, but after unsuccessfully trying to 'teach' my own child when he needed help at school, I soon realized that being a teacher was not my calling.

But ... being around children and having an opportunity to give them a start before they went to school felt close to my childhood goal. I had been working for 20 years and knew what it felt like to be a working parent. I knew how important stability and reliability was in a caregiver. And I knew that I could provide that. That became my mission statement - to provide "infanthood to independence" childcare. I believed.

I visualized success. I pictured how the days would go. I could see the children. The stability. The routines. The quiet spots for homework. The craft areas. My success at making this come true was becoming a reality.

I made a plan. I phoned my employer and asked about taking a one year leave of absence to see if I could support myself with this new income. I asked ... and I received that year.

For the first time in all of my years of single-parenting, I asked for child support. And again ... I asked ... and I received some assistance (for a while, anyway).

I had RRSP's to fall back on, if the going got tough. I had a job to fall back on. My security net was in place. So ... I placed an ad in the paper and my journey began.

My youngest son was 5 1/2 months old when I started my daycare. He knows of a life no different, than a life where he shares his mom, his toys, his house and his life.

And that ... is how my story begins. At age 38, I was embarking on a brand new life. And I've never looked back.