I Believe I've Turned a Corner!

The past month has been a challenging one for me. I know that focusing on the negative aspects of my daycare world was my downfall. Realizing that I believe I'm ready to lessen my daycare load and take on new ways to earn an income has shifted my thinking. Feeling overwhelmed with some of the many projects that I have added to my life has not helped matters.

But something changed this week. I felt happy, had more tolerance and patience with the kids and I just generally felt back to my normal self once again.

Focusing on what is good about my day is vital to my sanity. I know this, I try to live this, I've made decisions that help me persevere with this ... and every now and again, I still get stuck in a downward spiral. It is hard to drag yourself out of the vortex of those emotions. Especially when you feel that you have good reason to feel the way you do.

Maybe a person is justified with feeling those negative emotions. But who does it hurt, when you nurture them and let them grow?

My focus this week was on why the kids seem to be more discontent than usual. Am I the source? How would I feel if I was the parent dropping off my children at my daycare? If I was the parent, what would I expect from my daycare provider?

I started looking at things from where the kids stand. I made a deal with a grumpy soul that arrived one day. I told her that I would act happy, if she would act happy. I admitted to her, that I have been very grouchy lately and I needed to change. I don't know if she understood everything I was trying to say. But ... we both acted happier and we both had a much better day.

When the parents of this same crusty girl came to me to ask what they could do to deal with this child's behaviour, I admitted that I was worried that she didn't want to come here anymore. I was assured that had nothing to do with it. It is a behaviour that is happening consistently at home and they were afraid that I was going to call them at work that day (to come and take her home) because their morning had spiralled out of control. These parents trust me! And are looking to me for advice. I felt complimented that they felt this way. The 6 1/2 years that I have been tending their children has built a solid foundation , that is getting us through the rockier times.

All in all, it was a good week. The tides have changed and I don't feel like the ogre inside of me is winning any more.

Parent/Daycare Interviews

I have just returned from my son's parent/student/teacher conference tonight and I couldn't help but think how such a conference could serve a purpose in the daycare world.

My son has come home with different challenges and issues this year and I admit that I walked into the interview with less than a positive feeling. But after listening to his teacher talk with him and how she described what she is seeing from her vantage point, it put an entirely different spin on things for me.

I would be foolish to think that the kids that I watch over don't tell their parents what happens in our day. And how does it sound, when I am so often frustrated with our days??

As my parents drop off and pick up their kids, we have a chance to briefly chat about things here. It is a chaotic time at times and having kids demanding their parent's attention, other kids around and vying for attention as well, this isn't the most conducive atmosphere for conversation. To set aside a time for quiet conversation with my parents sounds like an excellent way to keep everyone up to speed on what is happening on all fronts.

As I berated myself for my harsh judgement of a teacher that I had never met, I realized that my parents could feel the same way about me. I am working for and with them, in raising their children. We really should feel like a team.

I should really try to find a way to make the time for the parents to come in and talk with me. Keeping the lines of communication open is vital. If we aren't working together on this, are we working against each other?

Kid Dynamics

As I sit in the midst of the din that is my day, my musings are leaning towards the thought, "Why is this particular group of kids getting along so well?"

I think that it has a lot to do with the 'leader' of the group. Most often it is the oldest in the group that sets the tone for the day, though not always. The dominant personality usually takes over (or bands with another dominant soul) when the natural order of the day falls into place.

Today, the oldest is 4 years old. He can be a quiet little guy when he's on his own, but if he is placed in with a group of wild and crazy guys, he can keep up with the best of them. Today, the next oldest one is 3 years old and willing to follow his lead (some of the time anyway). The rest of the gang are 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old. They seem to be falling into the energy level of the day.

I don't have any brother/sister combos here today. I find that having siblings together makes quite a difference in the dynamic. They fall into familiar habits and comfort levels when they are together. This often means arguing, bugging and generally more irritating forms of play.

I have looked after all of my 2 to 3 year olds, since they were 1 year old and they have adapted to the rules of conduct around here. When this happens, it makes for a calmer day. I believe in having fun without running, screaming, tattling and demanding attention. My 3 year old has been a challenge. Her idea of playing was to grab toys (and thus the attention) and simply butt into the middle of any game that was being played. But the past few months, she has been here without her older brother. And at long, long last she seems to actually be playing with the other kids (not just bugging them).

I've had some rather challenging days this past while. Today isn't one of them. Days like today are the reason I keep at this job. My perseverance pays off now and again. Being in a house with well behaved kids is rather heavenly.

Adult Intervention

"The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old."
~Joan Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957

I've just heard the comment that my mom thinks that I talk a lot ...

I let the words settle and have realized that I have become the 'chatty care provider' that all of my daycare providers were (when I was the working parent). It is the curse of being around 1 to 5 year olds for 10 hours of your day and not living with or having regular contact with another adult person.

It's not even that I need to talk about my days with the kids. It's the need to talk to an adult person on an adult level. I write excessively, I keep adding things to challenge my mind to my life, I am in fairly regular contact with friends ... and I still talk too much!!

I think it is that it is the company that I keep all day ... the voices in my mind that don't just go away because it is quiet. The voices and conversations (or lack of), of my kid-set.

If ever there was a need for an intervention of the adult mind ... this is it. Yes ... I know that I talk too much ... I just can't seem to stop.

"Hello, my name is Colleen. And I'm a talkaholic."

That is the first step.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I normally have a lot of compassion and patience for people, when things are beyond their control. These past 3 or more weeks, that hasn't been the case.

I feel like I'm on week #4 of not knowing what to expect in my daycare days. The first few weeks were frustrating. Then I wrote out my concerns in a newsletter and felt like I regained some equilibrium. But nothing has changed. Not a thing.

The unfortunate thing, is that 2 of my families (with young children) are in a very unpredictable spot in their own lives right now. They can't tell me what they don't know. So it feels like every day is a surprise.

I don't enjoy surprises. Not when I have the comings and goings of the number of children that I have. We are confined to the house due to weather, too many young ones and the fact that parents simply don't bring the appropriate clothing for the weather.

I honestly don't know what to do. There are no answers. I want to walk away from it all right now. I have let 2 family's uncertain schedules throw me for a loop. The patience that I require, to tend a house full of children is being exhausted by using it on these parents.

The parents have no control over their situation right now. I feel so frustrated and it is coming out as anger. I'm in need of 'daycare provider debriefing' right now! I think I know just who to call ...

Perspective

If you keep focusing on what you don't like about a situation, all you see is the negative. The more you think, the worse it feels. It can start a cycle of negativity that is hard to find your way out of. And that ... is what I have been working to overcome, this week.

As the week wound to a close, I wasn't feeling too great about it.

With there being a holiday on November 11th, I surveyed my parents these past few weeks to see who would be coming on Monday (the 10th). It took a while for everyone to find out - some work Monday and get Tuesday off ... others are taking or have both days off (or one parent had Monday off; the other parent has Tuesday off) ... others have other arrangements for the day ... In the end, one person needed me. And because I had one child coming, I have others that have decided to come for the day (even though a parent has the day off), just because I am here. I believe when all is said and done, I will have 5 kids here. Here, I had silently hoped for a 4 day weekend ...

Oh well ... I digress. These are the thoughts that I was weighed down with, when I closed my door for the evening. I was a little down and frustrated with the thinking of these parents. It's simply something that I never did when I was a working parent.

I stepped away from it all. I went to my dance lesson, I finished watching a show I had taped. Then ... I thought I would start putting together my Friday Video for my daycare blog. I wasn't really in the mood for it. I was more intent on focusing on the negative ... but I started.

Because I started it ... I finished it. What I ended up with, was 3 1/2 minutes (of my 52 1/2 hour week). 3 1/2 minutes of kids on their best behaviour, doing sweet things, laughing and smiling and having fun. I put it to the music "The Greatest Love of All" and the music soothed me. I watched my little movie over and over. And I started to feel like that is the week that I had!

The other thing that I did, was to start to write down the events of 2008 so I could start my Christmas 'poem' that I write up for the kids. When I looked back on the year, there had been very few transitions in our world. The only family that left over the course of the year, is that of a boy that outgrew his need for daycare. I took in 2 new families. And other than that ... there were no other changes (other than the various changes of schedules and requirement of how much or little their kids need to come here).

I have very little turnover when it comes to families in my daycare. There have been some that have come for a short period and it doesn't work for one reason or another. But for the most part, my families come and stay.

That is such a gift. It makes me feel good to have people bring their children to me year after year.

The kids love the stability - not only for themselves, but in the friends that they make when they come. I have often said that I feel that 'my kids' like coming here because of the friendships that they have with each other.

It is also nice for me and the parents. I have gotten to know most of my parents very well. We talk about everything, but I think the thing that makes it all work is that we are of like minds when it comes to the care the child is getting. I'm not saying that I am right for everyone (I'm not a very lovey dovey kind of care giver, I'm afraid) ... but for the parents I work for ... I seem to be a good fit.

I look at my 3 1/2 minute recap of the week, know that I've aired my frustrations in my newsletter and I feel rewarded by a group of families that have come here for many years.

There is a lot more good in my daycare world, than not. It's all in the way you perceive it.

Communication

I took action (any action, when a person feels overwhelmed in an all-kid-world is good) since my rant about pay days and ever changing schedules.

I did what I always do when I feel things are out of my control in my daycare world. I wrote up a newsletter.

My newsletters have become something my parents sort of expect and usually look forward to. I must have had outstanding issues in my last newsletter because my parents had a slightly wary look as I handed it to them this time around (I guess the next time, it is time for all good-news).

The positive thing for me, is that I get a chance to write about what is frustrating me. But I have to weigh my words and let them breathe for a while before I print them off. I came back at it 3 separate times, on 3 separate days before it was ready to go. By the time I was ready to hand out this newsletter, I had put things back into perspective. I had let small things get to me in a big way. The biggest frustration is probably because I am dealing with the same thing from so many different families.

It does me good to put a voice to my feelings and communicate this to the people that are affecting me. It also does me good to find a delicate way to word things so as not to offend. I guess the years that I have been in the daycare business are starting to show. I'm not as tolerant as I used to be.

It is my thinking that it is my responsibility to deal with the frustrations in my world. If I sit back and say nothing, nothing will change. People can't read my mind and it serves no purpose to let things pile up and add resentment to the mix to create a volatile situation. By dealing with the 'small stuff' and as it happens, it keeps things manageable.

When I take control, I feel in control.

Ever Changing Schedules and Pay Days

Once again, I feel a 'rant' in me. When I started this blog, my intent was to focus on the positive, what I've learned, how I handle things and just basically an upbeat read.

But there is a flip side that I need to download right now. I am weighed down by things that are out of my control - the ever changing schedules and pay days.

I sat down and wrote a list of the families that I tend. One third of the families that I work for are my top offenders on: #1 - unpredictable and ever changing schedules and #2 - forgetting to pay me (some families are on both lists; others are on one or the other). There is power in writing this down and seeing it in front of me. Because the past few weeks, it has honestly felt like the majority of families are throwing me curve balls. In reality, it is the minority. I feel better already.

Of the two thirds of the families that create few upheavals to my days, I see a common denominator. I have a flat rate fee in place. Or else their schedule is predictable enough that the income is stable.

I am beginning to see the solution as I write. For those parents who require me to be on call for them full-time, I should be compensated for that.

I have one particularly frustrating scenario where the dad has just gotten a new job where he is on call. They call. He is required to go to work. NO notice. And the kids will be here with no more advance warning than he has. They have no idea how much or when he will be working. It could be next to no hours ... or close to full time ... they cannot let me know ahead of time. This is frustrating beyond belief for me. I look at my calendar to see who is coming for the day. I plan menus (amount and what we are having) based on the food preferences of those that are coming. I may be able to plan a walk, a trip to the park or an outing of some sort depending on how many and who are coming. I plan easy meals for busy days; more time consuming meals on days when I have few. I map out what I can squeeze into the day, based on the kids I have coming. I want to know as much as possible, what lies in store for me in my day so that I can prepare myself mentally and physically.

I have another family that is going through a separation and there is a lot of uncertainty in their world. Thankfully, they have let me know this and they are very good (now) at letting me know what is going on as far as their needs to bring their children. Things were more unpredictable for me when they were together and they both forgot to let me know their schedule. Now, because of their new situation they seem to be more conscientious in letting me know what is going on. Communication is key. When I understand the situation, it is far easier to be flexible to their needs.

A familiar chord among many families, is their forgetfulness in letting me know when and if their children are coming. This is frustrating, but there is a risk of becoming too lackadaisical when children don't show up when I expect them. If it happens a lot, I forget to follow up with a phone call to be sure that they shouldn't be here. I've become immune to worry. Because people consistently fail to show up and not notify me.

Forgetting to pay me has become high on my frustration list. One third of my parents paid me when I expected to be paid this month. Another third paid me a day or two late. The remaining third still hasn't paid me. It is the 4th of the month. Pay day is the 1st. How would they feel if their employers forgot to pay them on time? How forgiving would they be? Granted, there is the time when a parent who religiously pays me on time simply forgets. It is an oversight. I know this and I am embarrassed to bring it to their attention because it is something that never happens. This, I can forgive. It is the habitual habit of paying me late that is frustrating. I am totally flexible on pay days. I let the parents choose when to pay me. My only request is that they follow through and pay me on the date they have chosen. This is my livelihood.

There. The words are out of my system and in a form that I can look at and find ways to resolve the issues at hand. There are fewer offenders than I originally thought. This is why I write. It is therapeutic to get the words out of my head. And when I sit down and see the thoughts in front of my, they become easier to solve. "It's elementary, my dear Watson."

Too Sick For Everything But Daycare

Okay. This is a little rant that I have in me this morning. It's about bringing sick kids to day care.

I honestly feel like I have a very reasonable policy when it comes to sick children. If they have a cold or flu bug the chances that the kids have picked it up here or it has already spread before we knew the child was contagious. So I really don't have a problem with the kids coming here when they aren't feeling up to par.

Even when the chicken pox made their rounds, it was the same thinking. Chicken pox is most contagious before you know your child has it. So to quarantine that child when everyone has already been exposed doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

When it comes to stomach flu symptoms and children are throwing up and not able to make it to the bathroom ... I prefer for children to stay home until their stomach settles down. I once had a 7 yr old who would sit up, look around and then throw up where he sat. I told him that only he knew when he was going to be sick, so to run to the bathroom if he thought he was going to throw up. Well, he tried that. He not only threw up as he ran down the hallway, but he threw up on a child who was in his path. Gross. I keep a pail beside those with queasy stomachs. But personally I feel better if that child stays home. I think the child feels better too.

There are simply times when both the parent and child feel better to stay at home and give and get the special nurturing that only a parent does best. If you bring a sick child to daycare, they aren't going to get that same attention.

Which brings me to yesterday. I got a call from a parent. She had just got confirmation from the doctor that her child had strep throat. This was the mom's regularly scheduled day off of work. And she called me. She wanted to go and see a friend that was having a baby in the hospital (a non-emergency ... she simply wanted to be there). She said she was keeping her child home from school because she was sick and she was contagious. And since she was certain her child picked up this bug from school, she was going to call the school and complain. But ... she wanted to bring her child here for the afternoon so that she could go and visit her friend. I asked her if strep throat was contagious (it is considered contagious until 24 hours after the medication is administered) and all of a sudden she wasn't sure. She wanted her daughter to come here and sleep so that she would be feeling up to going trick or treating last night. Her daughter wanted to go to her grandma's, but "grandma doesn't want you" is what this child was told.

I was flabbergasted. If the parent was asking because she really needed to be at work, I would have felt completely different about the situation. But why would she bring this sick, contagious child here if it was anything less than an emergency? And why would you be considering taking a sick child out trick or treating?

I know that there your child doesn't come with a tailor-made manual for them. But doesn't common sense prevail in cases like this?