In this last month of running my full-time daycare, the lessons that I should have learned long ago are rising to the surface.
Simply put, I have been living my days in the moment.
I will decide what we are having for lunch and snack on the spot. At one time, that was a 'Friday job'. I would sit down and write out the lunch, snack and supper menus for the following week so that I would have the groceries on hand and wouldn't have to waste the energy deciding that in the midst of a chaotic day. Choosing menus based on what I do have in the house and the appetites of the kids on hand feels ... easy.
The house is a lot more chaotic than it used to be. I used to have the kids clean up the excessive toys at regular intervals throughout the day or if it simply felt too chaotic. Now ... we still clean up before rest time and home time. But more often than not, I'll keep that job as something to divert their attention. If there is too much arguing, nit picking or boredom ... I'll suggest that they clean up. The action of doing something productive usually negates the behaviour that's driving me crazy at the moment.
'First days/weeks/months' were always an exhausting time for me. I would set the bar high and not alter it. I wouldn't waiver from the 'expected behaviour' from the beginning. Which, is probably a good thing. I don't agree with wishy washy expectations. What is okay one day, should be okay the next. What is wrong one day, is wrong the next. I still believe in that. But ... I had an 8 month old baby here for his first and last day yesterday. In my old world of looking at the 'foreverness' of that relationship, I would obsess about new routines, how it would affect where everyone would eat and who still needed assistance during lunch. One more person to find a 'spot' for, at nap time. How will it affect our ability to get outside? Will we ever be able to leave the yard again? I would look at that baby and not see the child. I would see how this extra little person would affect life-as-we-knew-it ... and I stressed.
Yesterday, I tended this baby and it was a wonderful day. I thought 'It's just for one day' ... and I relaxed. A person should always take life a day at a time. But when running a daycare was my life, I didn't. I looked at the big picture and forgot to savor the moments.
Will all parents ever remember to tell a daycare provider when their schedule changes? I'll never know. But it happened again. Instead of being irritated at the consistency of this inconsistent behaviour (and a little bit rude), I just thought ... I should have expected this. And I'm glad that I won't be facing this on an ongoing basis in my new daycare world (less families, less chances of it occurring ... but chances are, it will happen again). It was nice to think that this is something that will be happening on a less frequent basis.
Kids are still kids. And recurring behaviours and the need for my assistance will forever be my life as long as I have kids. I still have to be vigilant about keeping expectations consistent. But when one of those behaviours is that of the under 4 year old set, I am pleasantly relieved to know that my school aged crowd will most likely not be sucking on toys, know how to wipe their own noses and not need assistance in the bathroom. As I count down the days to the lessened load of my new before and after school crowd, I am smiling inside ... just knowing that I won't be changing diapers and wiping noses forever.
I am calmer. I'm living in the moment. And when you are surrounded in a life full of children, that is exactly where you should be.
Easier said than done.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The End of an Era
As I am 'wrapping up' my full time daycare career and looking towards a new future (going back to school with only my before and after school kids continuing to come here), I have had many conflicting thoughts.
My first thought (as I gave my parents a month notice to let them know I would be returning to school) was as a parent. I know what it is like to be a parent who is faced with the unenjoyable task of finding and feeling comfortable with a new daycare provider.
My oldest son had 7 different daycare providers. 4 or 5 of them quit on me, I 'quit' on 2 of them. I remember well, that sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach whenever a daycare provider pulled the rug out from under me. We were very fortunate that only one of the above 7 situations, was less than ideal. I trusted my instincts when I met the moms that were willing to take on the responsibility of looking after my son. And my instincts served me well.
My second son only had 2 different daycare providers. One of them quit suddenly (giving me a few weeks notice) and the other one took care of him until he no longer required daycare. I remember the interview with the last daycare provider I ever needed. "Are you planning on quitting any time in the near future?" and "If you do, how much notice will you give me?"
When you work outside the home, it is imperative to know that your children are safe and happy. If you know this, you can concentrate on work when you are at work ... and home when you are at home. It gives your worries some boundaries. How can you put in your best day at work, if you are not at peace with who is tending your children?
I remember the feelings well.
I felt like a schmuck, as I gave my notice to my parents. I gave them as much notice as I had (for certain ... even though I've been tossing around many different thoughts and ideas in my mind for the year and a half that preceded this decision). I was letting them down.
Secondly ... is the kids.
I have had so many overwhelmed, frustrated, annoying and un-Mary-Poppins-like moments this past while ... that I thought that I would actually be happy to be putting this part of my daycare career behind me. That has not been the case.
As I returned to work after an 18 day absence from the kids (on my first morning back), I sat back and marvelled at the way they all walked in and carried on as if they hadn't missed a beat. They went through their early morning paces in the way that our cat makes his familiar 'rounds' around the house after he's been out on the prowl. They checked things out, found their friends/toys/routines all in place and some almost forgot to say good-bye to their parents. They are comfortable here.
As I've watched them at play, I marvel at the family-connection that they have among themselves. Sure, there is arguing (what siblings don't argue?) ... life is not all a bed of roses ... but for the most part, they are friends. Despite their age differences and varied personalities, they know each other. They know their differences and similarities and accept them. They are 'family'.
The kids all settle into a comfortable routine after they have been here for a while. We do a variation of the same thing day after day. Lunch is served at the same time ... soon followed by rest/quiet time ... snack time ... and soon after that, the parents start to arrive. We toss in our outings, free play, outside time into the mix. But all in all, the kids know the flow of the day. There are some parts they enjoy more than others ... but we have routines and they know what to expect.
I have been looking at myself a lot lately. I have been short tempered, frustrated, distracted and simply not a warm and fuzzy kind of person to be around. But for the most part, I am 'okay'. I think the kids are all treated equally. The rules and expectations are the same for all. As much as they may hate me for being so strict, they know what applies to one ... applies to all. I think that somewhere deep inside, they respect that.
I look at their smiling faces and the rapport they have with each other and it does my heart good. Even though the older kids may not appreciate the younger crowd at times ... as I sit and watch the kids play, no one is left out. Some may choose to come and go ... disappear for a while and watch a movie or play on their own. But no one is brutally excluded or picked on. They are kind to each other (most of the time, anyway).
I feel like I'm breaking up a family. As with any 'divorce', there are many reasons behind the tough decision that we are better off apart. I know the kids deserve some one who loves their role as care giver. I don't feel like I am the best person for that job. I'm tiring of the many demands of many young children that divide my time, attention and patience in so many directions that I lose my temper too easily. I've been changing diapers and wiping noses for 11 1/2 years. I'm ready to diversify my life.
I thought it would be easier than this. I thought that I would be celebrating my decision to head my life into a calmer, more adult-oriented world. I know that I have made the right decision ... but in my final days of my kid-world ... I also know that this has been the right world for me for the (almost) 11 years that I have lived it.
My first thought (as I gave my parents a month notice to let them know I would be returning to school) was as a parent. I know what it is like to be a parent who is faced with the unenjoyable task of finding and feeling comfortable with a new daycare provider.
My oldest son had 7 different daycare providers. 4 or 5 of them quit on me, I 'quit' on 2 of them. I remember well, that sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach whenever a daycare provider pulled the rug out from under me. We were very fortunate that only one of the above 7 situations, was less than ideal. I trusted my instincts when I met the moms that were willing to take on the responsibility of looking after my son. And my instincts served me well.
My second son only had 2 different daycare providers. One of them quit suddenly (giving me a few weeks notice) and the other one took care of him until he no longer required daycare. I remember the interview with the last daycare provider I ever needed. "Are you planning on quitting any time in the near future?" and "If you do, how much notice will you give me?"
When you work outside the home, it is imperative to know that your children are safe and happy. If you know this, you can concentrate on work when you are at work ... and home when you are at home. It gives your worries some boundaries. How can you put in your best day at work, if you are not at peace with who is tending your children?
I remember the feelings well.
I felt like a schmuck, as I gave my notice to my parents. I gave them as much notice as I had (for certain ... even though I've been tossing around many different thoughts and ideas in my mind for the year and a half that preceded this decision). I was letting them down.
Secondly ... is the kids.
I have had so many overwhelmed, frustrated, annoying and un-Mary-Poppins-like moments this past while ... that I thought that I would actually be happy to be putting this part of my daycare career behind me. That has not been the case.
As I returned to work after an 18 day absence from the kids (on my first morning back), I sat back and marvelled at the way they all walked in and carried on as if they hadn't missed a beat. They went through their early morning paces in the way that our cat makes his familiar 'rounds' around the house after he's been out on the prowl. They checked things out, found their friends/toys/routines all in place and some almost forgot to say good-bye to their parents. They are comfortable here.
As I've watched them at play, I marvel at the family-connection that they have among themselves. Sure, there is arguing (what siblings don't argue?) ... life is not all a bed of roses ... but for the most part, they are friends. Despite their age differences and varied personalities, they know each other. They know their differences and similarities and accept them. They are 'family'.
The kids all settle into a comfortable routine after they have been here for a while. We do a variation of the same thing day after day. Lunch is served at the same time ... soon followed by rest/quiet time ... snack time ... and soon after that, the parents start to arrive. We toss in our outings, free play, outside time into the mix. But all in all, the kids know the flow of the day. There are some parts they enjoy more than others ... but we have routines and they know what to expect.
I have been looking at myself a lot lately. I have been short tempered, frustrated, distracted and simply not a warm and fuzzy kind of person to be around. But for the most part, I am 'okay'. I think the kids are all treated equally. The rules and expectations are the same for all. As much as they may hate me for being so strict, they know what applies to one ... applies to all. I think that somewhere deep inside, they respect that.
I look at their smiling faces and the rapport they have with each other and it does my heart good. Even though the older kids may not appreciate the younger crowd at times ... as I sit and watch the kids play, no one is left out. Some may choose to come and go ... disappear for a while and watch a movie or play on their own. But no one is brutally excluded or picked on. They are kind to each other (most of the time, anyway).
I feel like I'm breaking up a family. As with any 'divorce', there are many reasons behind the tough decision that we are better off apart. I know the kids deserve some one who loves their role as care giver. I don't feel like I am the best person for that job. I'm tiring of the many demands of many young children that divide my time, attention and patience in so many directions that I lose my temper too easily. I've been changing diapers and wiping noses for 11 1/2 years. I'm ready to diversify my life.
I thought it would be easier than this. I thought that I would be celebrating my decision to head my life into a calmer, more adult-oriented world. I know that I have made the right decision ... but in my final days of my kid-world ... I also know that this has been the right world for me for the (almost) 11 years that I have lived it.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
A New Direction
I have truly been struggling with my 'career' as a daycare provider for the last long while. I would get through a rough patch with a new perspective on things ... but the knowledge that I was burning out was buried deep within myself. I knew that I was losing the battle.
I have always maintained an inner motto of believing that I must act in the best interests of the children. I've had some rough spots along the way and for the most part, I could learn from the bad days and carry on with a smile. There is always a lesson to be taken away from every encounter - good or bad. And I have learned a lot.
Focusing on the positive has always been my way of getting through the rough patches in life. I started this blog to write about positive things. When I felt myself wavering with the negativity, I started a private blog for my daycare family. Between listening for morsels of conversations among the kids, to write about; making movies and snapping pictures ... it worked. I was excited, my parents enjoyed it. It worked well.
It was during my recovery period after my surgery last fall that I knew the direction that I wanted to take with my daycare. I hoped to decrease my daycare load and start doing book keeping out of my home. The first phone call I received after I made that inner decision, was to keep another child before and after school. I was thrilled that this fit right into my plan. 'The world' was accommodating me.
It was quite an adjustment to take back my '3 year olds and under' after my 6 week recovery period. I had grown to like the daycare provider that I was, when I was tending the older children. Younger ones have a way of dividing your attention in far too many directions. Between diapers, naps, runny noses, toilet training and the ever changing needs of this age ... it takes a fair amount of organizational skills to incorporate all ages into a day. It was not a fun period.
Christmas was soon upon us and I wrote up my annual yearbook for the kids. Looking back on the movies I had made of the kids was the turning point. There is nothing like a 2 minute recap of a 10 1/2 hour day, with smiling faces and cute antics to turn a frown into a smile. I wrote up our Christmas yearbook and felt revived. Yes! I could do this. I was lucky to have such a job.
Then ... an endless winter turned into an endless spring ... and summer brought a less than ideal set of personalities together to spend an endless summer holiday. Things were going from bad to worse. The refrain "I want my mom to get a new babysitter" still rings through my mind when I think of this summer.
We started going for 'weekly adventures' and made the most of the days. I made movies and wrote about the days. But the blog entries were losing their lustre. The kids weren't as happy and I definitely wasn't as happy.
I started phoning around and checking into educational opportunities the middle of June. I checked enough to talk myself out of it. Until ... my holidays were on the horizon and I got encouragement from a friend and a school that I had happened to be in contact with in June, contacted me days before my holiday was to begin.
I knew at the onset of my 2 week vacation, that I must make a firm decision one way or the other within that time frame. Either go back to my pre-daycare employment or go back to school or give it my all and be 'the best daycare provider I could be'.
Long story short, I found a school that will allow me the flexibility to continue to take care of my before and after school crowd. So I will be able to keep my foot in the daycare world as I venture out and go back to school.
I have talked myself through so many of the low points of daycare that I thought this just may be another one of those phases. But I believe the time is right for me to explore new options. I do still want to be available to be here for my own son and for my after-school crowd. But I know that I am not the best I can be, to take care of the more dependent crowd.
It is in the best interests of the children, that I make this decision to take a step out of daycare. I'm not ready to abandon ship ... I like the diversity. I believe that it does a person good, to be surrounded by the optimism and joy of youth. I don't want to lose that.
So in this next 'chapter' of my life, I hope to focus on my education but I still hope to learn from the children that come through my doors. I may be walking away from a full time daycare role, but I hope to regain a better part of myself as I focus on the older crowd.
Let the adventures continue!
I have always maintained an inner motto of believing that I must act in the best interests of the children. I've had some rough spots along the way and for the most part, I could learn from the bad days and carry on with a smile. There is always a lesson to be taken away from every encounter - good or bad. And I have learned a lot.
Focusing on the positive has always been my way of getting through the rough patches in life. I started this blog to write about positive things. When I felt myself wavering with the negativity, I started a private blog for my daycare family. Between listening for morsels of conversations among the kids, to write about; making movies and snapping pictures ... it worked. I was excited, my parents enjoyed it. It worked well.
It was during my recovery period after my surgery last fall that I knew the direction that I wanted to take with my daycare. I hoped to decrease my daycare load and start doing book keeping out of my home. The first phone call I received after I made that inner decision, was to keep another child before and after school. I was thrilled that this fit right into my plan. 'The world' was accommodating me.
It was quite an adjustment to take back my '3 year olds and under' after my 6 week recovery period. I had grown to like the daycare provider that I was, when I was tending the older children. Younger ones have a way of dividing your attention in far too many directions. Between diapers, naps, runny noses, toilet training and the ever changing needs of this age ... it takes a fair amount of organizational skills to incorporate all ages into a day. It was not a fun period.
Christmas was soon upon us and I wrote up my annual yearbook for the kids. Looking back on the movies I had made of the kids was the turning point. There is nothing like a 2 minute recap of a 10 1/2 hour day, with smiling faces and cute antics to turn a frown into a smile. I wrote up our Christmas yearbook and felt revived. Yes! I could do this. I was lucky to have such a job.
Then ... an endless winter turned into an endless spring ... and summer brought a less than ideal set of personalities together to spend an endless summer holiday. Things were going from bad to worse. The refrain "I want my mom to get a new babysitter" still rings through my mind when I think of this summer.
We started going for 'weekly adventures' and made the most of the days. I made movies and wrote about the days. But the blog entries were losing their lustre. The kids weren't as happy and I definitely wasn't as happy.
I started phoning around and checking into educational opportunities the middle of June. I checked enough to talk myself out of it. Until ... my holidays were on the horizon and I got encouragement from a friend and a school that I had happened to be in contact with in June, contacted me days before my holiday was to begin.
I knew at the onset of my 2 week vacation, that I must make a firm decision one way or the other within that time frame. Either go back to my pre-daycare employment or go back to school or give it my all and be 'the best daycare provider I could be'.
Long story short, I found a school that will allow me the flexibility to continue to take care of my before and after school crowd. So I will be able to keep my foot in the daycare world as I venture out and go back to school.
I have talked myself through so many of the low points of daycare that I thought this just may be another one of those phases. But I believe the time is right for me to explore new options. I do still want to be available to be here for my own son and for my after-school crowd. But I know that I am not the best I can be, to take care of the more dependent crowd.
It is in the best interests of the children, that I make this decision to take a step out of daycare. I'm not ready to abandon ship ... I like the diversity. I believe that it does a person good, to be surrounded by the optimism and joy of youth. I don't want to lose that.
So in this next 'chapter' of my life, I hope to focus on my education but I still hope to learn from the children that come through my doors. I may be walking away from a full time daycare role, but I hope to regain a better part of myself as I focus on the older crowd.
Let the adventures continue!
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