A New Direction

I have truly been struggling with my 'career' as a daycare provider for the last long while. I would get through a rough patch with a new perspective on things ... but the knowledge that I was burning out was buried deep within myself. I knew that I was losing the battle.

I have always maintained an inner motto of believing that I must act in the best interests of the children. I've had some rough spots along the way and for the most part, I could learn from the bad days and carry on with a smile. There is always a lesson to be taken away from every encounter - good or bad. And I have learned a lot.

Focusing on the positive has always been my way of getting through the rough patches in life. I started this blog to write about positive things. When I felt myself wavering with the negativity, I started a private blog for my daycare family. Between listening for morsels of conversations among the kids, to write about; making movies and snapping pictures ... it worked. I was excited, my parents enjoyed it. It worked well.

It was during my recovery period after my surgery last fall that I knew the direction that I wanted to take with my daycare. I hoped to decrease my daycare load and start doing book keeping out of my home. The first phone call I received after I made that inner decision, was to keep another child before and after school. I was thrilled that this fit right into my plan. 'The world' was accommodating me.

It was quite an adjustment to take back my '3 year olds and under' after my 6 week recovery period. I had grown to like the daycare provider that I was, when I was tending the older children. Younger ones have a way of dividing your attention in far too many directions. Between diapers, naps, runny noses, toilet training and the ever changing needs of this age ... it takes a fair amount of organizational skills to incorporate all ages into a day. It was not a fun period.

Christmas was soon upon us and I wrote up my annual yearbook for the kids. Looking back on the movies I had made of the kids was the turning point. There is nothing like a 2 minute recap of a 10 1/2 hour day, with smiling faces and cute antics to turn a frown into a smile. I wrote up our Christmas yearbook and felt revived. Yes! I could do this. I was lucky to have such a job.

Then ... an endless winter turned into an endless spring ... and summer brought a less than ideal set of personalities together to spend an endless summer holiday. Things were going from bad to worse. The refrain "I want my mom to get a new babysitter" still rings through my mind when I think of this summer.

We started going for 'weekly adventures' and made the most of the days. I made movies and wrote about the days. But the blog entries were losing their lustre. The kids weren't as happy and I definitely wasn't as happy.

I started phoning around and checking into educational opportunities the middle of June. I checked enough to talk myself out of it. Until ... my holidays were on the horizon and I got encouragement from a friend and a school that I had happened to be in contact with in June, contacted me days before my holiday was to begin.

I knew at the onset of my 2 week vacation, that I must make a firm decision one way or the other within that time frame. Either go back to my pre-daycare employment or go back to school or give it my all and be 'the best daycare provider I could be'.

Long story short, I found a school that will allow me the flexibility to continue to take care of my before and after school crowd. So I will be able to keep my foot in the daycare world as I venture out and go back to school.

I have talked myself through so many of the low points of daycare that I thought this just may be another one of those phases. But I believe the time is right for me to explore new options. I do still want to be available to be here for my own son and for my after-school crowd. But I know that I am not the best I can be, to take care of the more dependent crowd.

It is in the best interests of the children, that I make this decision to take a step out of daycare. I'm not ready to abandon ship ... I like the diversity. I believe that it does a person good, to be surrounded by the optimism and joy of youth. I don't want to lose that.

So in this next 'chapter' of my life, I hope to focus on my education but I still hope to learn from the children that come through my doors. I may be walking away from a full time daycare role, but I hope to regain a better part of myself as I focus on the older crowd.

Let the adventures continue!