Communication With Parents

I've always tried to have an open door policy with my parents - for them to feel free to drop in at any point in the day, to feel comfortable with talking with me at drop off and pick up times and just keeping an open line of communication.

This just seemed like it was the natural way to do things, but one of my families had to find another childcare provider for a while, when their work shifts changed and I just couldn't keep the kids that late. This family returned when their work shifts allowed it and they were so glad to be back. One of the comments the mom made, was how unwelcome she felt when she dropped off her children at the new daycare. The lady who was taking care of her kids wasn't into long drop offs and waiting out that adjustment period while the parent and child got used to the idea of being separated for the day. Some kids need this time, some parents need this time and others are in a hurry and they are out the door quickly. It's just whatever a certain family needs.

I admit that sometimes witnessing this drawn out struggle is tedious (especially when you kind of know that the child is just pushing the parent's guilt buttons). But I've never fought it. Sometimes it is needed (I think the parent may need it as much or more than the child at times). But what it does, is give me a chance to visit with the parent (if the child's behaviour allows). The better we know each other, the better our working relationship is. And it is nice to connect on a personal level as well - I think everyone likes to feel that certain 'click' when they know they feel okay with the person tending their child all day.

I have had parents that have needed to call several times a day, to check in on how their child is doing. Others don't need it. I tell the parents to do whatever feels comfortable with them. It's up to them. And I certainly don't mind a phone call during the day - I can walk around with the phone and do whatever has to be done while I'm talking. It's really okay.

I've had several difficult conversations with parents over the course of my child care career. When you are talking about someone's child, it is very fragile territory. It is something that I handle with care. And I have been very, very fortunate. In almost every case, I think the parent is relieved to know the problems we are having and have a chance to work out the solutions together.

I handled one case wrong. All wrong ....

There were ongoing behaviours that were escalating, but I knew that this family would be done with my services for the season (the dad worked spring through fall and had winters off). Their last days for the season were coming and I just gritted my teeth and bared it, thinking "Only __ amount of days left ..."

So I wasn't prepared for the phone call on the last day of their fall season (or very close to that) when the dad said that he was going to be working all winter, after all. I had a crazy-chaotic morning happening as we spoke and I reacted emotionally and without weighing my words. I blurted out the behaviour problems we were having and said that I didn't know if I could take care of them, without stopping to think how I was coming across. I handled the situation terribly. This had the potential of going so very wrong, after about 6 years of caring for their children.

Thankfully, thankfully the mom called me back and we decided to have coffee on a quiet, kidless Sunday afternoon to discuss the issues I had brought up. I had 2 days to think of what I had said and try to smooth the sting of my words.

Again, had the parents reacted emotionally to what I had said this story could have had a terrible ending. They were definitely upset with hearing about their child in such an abrupt manner and justifiably upset that I had let things go on without talking to them about it. I knew I handled this wrong and was willing to admit my failings. I am so grateful that these parents and I had a lot of positive years and experience behind us and they were willing to talk with me and come to a solution.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I work for some of the best people out there. These parents and I talked about the offending behaviours, they talked to their child, the family returned (and the previous behaviours were much improved) and we got over the hurdle intact. Their children outgrew the need of daycare soon after that, and we parted on good terms.

I'm sure that there have been families that may have found another caregiver when we just didn't connect on a level that each of us felt good about. I've had instances where circumstances (location or the need to get a child to and from preschool) have appeared to be the motive for a move to a new daycare, but I wonder if they were maybe looking for a different kind of 'mother figure' for their child. And that is okay. A person should go with their instincts and follow where they lead. When it comes to children, I tell my parents to follow what they feel good with. I'm not the right person for everyone.

I think this openness has been the reason for the wonderful parents I work with. I think respect works both ways and if we are both on the same page, we can talk and work out most of the speed bumps along the way.

I am a far, far cry from a perfect daycare provider. I know I have many failings ... and I give myself a bit of a break from some of my errors (due to the long days of endless children and no adult support in my days) ... but I am working hard to find a way to make me the best that I can be.

Talking with my parents and feeling a comfortable rapport has always been one of my strong points. I've got many other issues to work on, but I've got some solid foundation to work with.