Children Are Always Watching

I am riddled with guilt today because of the way I handled a situation and the way it appeared to happen to a child in my care. I'm not making excuses for myself, because I know I could have and should have handled this much better. I'm the adult. It's my job to set an example. And I failed.

One of the little girls I was tending was being 'timed out' in the kitchen for a minor misdemeanor. I took her hand (firmly but not forcefully) and as we started heading towards the kitchen, she flopped her legs out from under herself and flung herself to the floor. She has pulled this little maneuver several times before, but the difference today is that she hit her head on the corner of the (soft) couch as she was doing it. So by all outward appearances, it appeared that I was responsible for the collision.

As I said, she has done this before so I didn't apologize. I told her to stand up and we continued to head to the kitchen for the time out. At the time, I wasn't proud of the fact that she crashed into the couch. Nor did I feel responsible for it. So I didn't say I was sorry or explain what happened to the onlookers.

That could have been where this story ends. Except children are little sponges. They see a behavior and immediately they put this new information to use.

'Immediately' didn't happen until I was in the final stages of making lunch. One of my little guys (2 yrs) screamed at the top of his lungs (he never cries) and I ran to see what happened. I asked and immediately the guilty party started stammering "Uh ... uh ... uh ... uh ..." This is a 4 yr old boy who talks fluently and explicitly. I told him I wanted him to tell me the truth and he continued to "uh..." his way through.

I sat everyone down for lunch except for the 4 yr old. It wasn't too long before he confessed that he had taken the 2 yr old by the arm and swung him into the couch (because he wanted his toy back).

It was as the afternoon unfolded and I had a chance to rethink the whole scene, that I realized that the 4 yr old had copied what he thought he had seen that very morning. He reenacted 'my crime'.

I felt sickened by the play of events. I knew that I was responsible for the outcome because I handled a situation wrong. I know kids copy what they see. I have a huge responsibility to set the example for the behaviors I expect. Huge.

How can we expect children to act and behave any differently than the examples set before them? They see, hear and feel it all.