Life Lessons

'Life Lessons for Kids' is like a day in the park ...

I truly believe how I handle kids in the park is how I handle many of the lessons that kids need to learn.

I take precautions to keep them basically safe. Sunscreen, hats and making sure that they stay within the boundaries of the park. But other than that, I tend to be a hands-off care provider when it comes to the play equipment.

I find that kids (if left to their own devices) find out their limits through trial and error. If they can't climb onto a particular piece of play equipment, they aren't ready for it. As they try to test their limits and end up in a place where they can't go up or down, I'll help them down (not up!). In most cases, they will realize when they are beyond their comfort zone (and if left alone), they will climb back down before it gets too scary. Once they end up at the top of a tall structure, I stay close by to make sure they know their limits. I let them feel their fear and learn to trust their instincts to step back from danger on their own. Once they are up there, they have to discover the safe way to come down (or I'll show them).

I have watched parents/grandparents/caregivers help kids up to unsafe play areas. Then climb up and join them up there. Then when the adult steps back and lets the child play on their own, the child is so used to being helped and saved ... that they end up being the children that get hurt (a lot of the time anyway).

If a person grows up with that safety net around them all the time, they get used to being rescued. And don't learn the natural consequences of falling from a safe distance. Instead, they learn the lesson when the consequences are far more dangerous.

I tend to have that attitude with kids in general. I provide a safe home and yard for the children. Doors at the top of the stairs are closed; small objects are put away; I have few obstacles in the paths of children; cut up food into 'safe for the age group' pieces; supervise them; enforce the rules to keep them safe .... and let them be.

I do what I can to provide a safe environment but I don't coddle them. Kids need to fall before they can walk. They need to walk before they can run. They have to learn the consequences of their actions. And for the most part, there haven't been serious injuries on my watch (I do consider bumps, bruises and scrapes a part of the learning curve).

I have one particular child in my care right now that has very, very protective parents. Every bump and bruise must be accounted for, explained and justified. Taking this child to the park has been an adventure. He ends up in places that no 2 year old that I have babysat, has gone before. I don't encourage or help him up to these danger-areas ... but I stay close by. Last week I wouldn't take them to one particular park because he could get into too many unsafe predicaments. So we stayed at the 'safer park' where natural consequences were less dire. And I let him learn. Yes, he fell. Yes, he cried (and got right back on the piece of equipment that he fell off of to try again). Yes, he learned. The next day, at a different park I witnessed him exercise caution. He learned some limits. And the only visible wound he went home with, was from him running and falling on an unobstructed piece of tarmac in the school ground, with no other kids around.

We can follow every safety precaution we know of, and kids will still get hurt. Something will happen that no one would have ever predicted. The one year old I babysat came to daycare one morning with a cut on her lip. A bowl that her mom had been eating fruit out of broke, unbeknownst to anyone. A piece of glass from the bottom of the bowl broke off and this little girl ended up with it in her mouth. She was sitting on her mom's lap and no one could have ever predicted that this could have ever happened. It ended up being a very minor cut with no other consequences. But it enforced in my mind that there are limits as to what we can do to keep our children safe. Other than keeping them in a safe, protective bubble where they never learn the consequences of their actions, the best we can do is to provide a safe environment, supervise them and provide some guidelines to keep them within a 'safety range' in keeping with their age. And be there to pick them up when they fall. Because they will fall.