I have had 7 older brother/younger sister combos in the duration of my daycare business. I have had 6 sister/sister; 3 brother/brother; 4 older sister/younger brother and one brother/sister set of twins. So the dynamic that seems to speak loudest to me is the big bro/little sis combination.
At the moment, I am taking care of 3 different big brother/little sister families. And every family that I've babysat for that has this particular dynamic (coincidentally, they have all had a 2 or 3 year age difference), is that in all cases the sister is either the dominant one of the two. Or else she is a rough and tumble kind of girl that takes no guff.
In every case where the big brother was a quiet, laid back kind of guy it seems that the thinking is "She's crying ... I'll let her have what she wants." The rough and tough brothers seem to think it is all part of the game to make their little sister cry. It doesn't seem to matter if the little sister is used to getting her own way all the time or used to fighting to get what she wants ... you drop them off and set them in a room full of kids ... and there is trouble brewing.
I had the bad day of bad days the other day. Between runny noses, incessant dirty diapers, and a toilet training accident I was flustered enough. But the 'little sister' dynamic ... screaming to get their own way ... or bullying to get what they wanted drove me crazy.
The next day, I timed out each 'little sister' after their first offense. I was firm and told them that every time they acted that way, they wouldn't get to play with the kids. Their actions and behaviours were wrong, I let them know in no uncertain terms that it was not going to be tolerated. And there were no further time-outs. It was a miracle.
Why do we keep going in circles with these behaviours? If I keep reacting in the same way to the same behaviour and their actions don't change ... I have to change my reaction, right? The kids will react the same way every single time. There is either tattling, arguing, overpowering and ultimately loud voices and crying that results. Every time.
The bickering that rings in my ears long after my day is over is the part of this job that I could do without.
I've raised only boys and my boys have been separated by 9 to 11 years so I have not had personal experience in raising a family of children that are close in age. But even with my own family, despite the large age difference there has always been a jealousy and control issue that has surfaced that started when the youngest was around 2 years old. I guess that those issues are at the root of a lot of behaviours no matter how old we are ...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment