Stealing

Why do kids steal? I'm sure the answers vary upon the child. From the innocence of not knowing it is wrong ... to the simple desire of wanting what isn't yours ... to the thrill of the act of stealing ...

I had a pre-teen that got into trouble with stealing. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that there was a bit of a thrill to it. He had witnessed adults in his life do unscrupulous things and this was a part of the erosion of values that led up to this. Being part of the 'wrong crowd' is another factor. You put it all together and it equals temptation.

One of the children I babysat was caught (after the fact) stealing. She took the 'evidence' home with her and told her parents that she got this from someone at school. When confronted with it the next day, she cried hysterically. She went home and hid the toys ... and the toys were never seen again. I tried to talk to her and she felt so guilty that any time there was any mention of the situation she could only cry. I tried to reason with her and explain to her that the reason that she felt so badly is because she knew what she did was wrong. It would start to feel better when she returned the toys and apologize. She never did. A very long time after that, I heard the tail end of a conversation she was having with another child. She was talking about stealing something (again). I have a bad feeling about this scenario.

I've had toys go home with children on many occasions. In 99% of the cases, the parents make the child bring the toy back and apologize and it doesn't happen again. I had one case where the parent didn't make the child physically bring the missing toy back to me. They just asked me at the end of the day if she returned it (which she hadn't). And that is where that story ended. The child wasn't held accountable and I didn't end up with a feeling that anything was learned, after all was said and done.

Recently, one of the children in my care has taken toys from school. Twice. Each time, the parent has been devastated and made her child return the toy, admit to the teacher what he had done and had a long conversation with him about it. And yet, he did it again. This is a boy who gets anything he asks for. In fact, the parent said that all he would have had to done is ask for the toy and he would have gotten it. That if she didn't get it for him, his dad would. Would that be the root of the problem? He is used to getting what he wants ... so he just figures he can take it? This is a child that has had exceptional reasoning skills since he was 2 years old. His understanding of actions and consequences is well above those of his age group. He has been the victim of someone stealing his toys. Yet, he has taken from others ... twice.

I guess life is a lesson in learning. I admire the parents who make their child accountable and face the natural consequences of their behaviour. Sometimes it takes a few 'lessons' but children will never learn if they aren't taught. The 'why's' of their deeds may remain a mystery ... but in the end, the best thing is to be caught. It is the children that learn that they can get away with stealing that face the bleakest future.