Separation Issues

The morning drop off is different for everyone ...

Some parents stay (no matter how long it may take) until their child is okay with the idea of them going. Other parents are in and out like the wind and their child is good to go, the minute they walk in the door. I have many parents that stop and chat for a while when they drop off and pick up their children. It's our time to 'connect' and exchange information.

There are phases, stages and changes to this process. Right now one of my 2 1/2 year olds is going through a terrible phase. She has been happy and eager to come for the (almost) 2 years that she has been coming here, but her older brother was recently having issues about going anywhere without a parent. And it appears that she is following suit.

It's not easy being the parent during these times. I'm grateful that this isn't just happening at my house - that there is a scene no matter who, what or where the 'separation' happens. These parents are in the toughest position. They say the right words and nothing really matters. So they just walk away from the behavior. The child doesn't 'win' and get their way ... so I think it will just be a matter of time before this stage passes. The crying stops very quickly after the parent isn't around to witness it.

I had another parent who cajoled, bargained and even lied to their child - just to get out the door without a scene. To me, it was so obvious why the child was so worried. She couldn't believe what her parent was telling her. To promise she wouldn't have to come back the next day (and not follow through on it); to say they would be right back (and be gone the full day) .... even I didn't know when to expect this parent because he continually said one thing and did another. It's no wonder his child was confused and distrustful.

I've had other parents that sit out the process and eventually both the parent and child are okay with the separation. This takes time ... but if there isn't bribery or lying to make the child happy ... "whatever works".

Personally, I'm the kind of parent that would say, "No matter what you do, I have to go to work. Nothing is going to change because you are acting this way." You can do this when you have absolutely no qualms about where your child is staying. If you have any worries and this is the only place and circumstance this is happening ... that is another story.

When children throw tantrums to manipulate a situation and get their way is an entirely different scenario. That is when it isn't easy to be the 'tough guy' parent and just walk away from the behavior.

In time, this too shall pass away ... we hope.