Setting Limits

I am far too much of a 'yes person'. I nod and smile and agree to many things. Not always a wise choice.

I have a family on maternity leave; another family that will be going on a sick/maternity leave and a third family on sick leave. Each of these families have asked me to keep their children one day a week. They want their children to keep coming, stay familiar with the routines of coming, see their friends and the parents can use that time to themselves for various reasons.

I am always complimented when people opt to bring their children here. For them to bring them here when they aren't working feels like a compliment at first. But then ... reality sets in.

I have had one family request this at a time before. Not three. Losing a full time wage from a full time child, then having that child come one day a week is not a good financial alternative. As the third family approached me with this "offer", I was no longer complimented. I was starting to get down right annoyed.

When a child comes on a regular basis, everyone is comfortable with the rules and expectations. Routines fall into place, behaviours are modified to fall within 'acceptable' levels of conduct here and we all become comfortable with how we know and expect the day will unfold. We all become used to each other. It works.

When you bring a child one day a week, it is like they are visiting. There is a difference in the behaviour. Every week takes a readjusting period. The day is over and we haven't regained our equilibrium. It is work. It feels like work. There is not a lot that I enjoy about that 'day'.

I have 3 families on, or going on maternity leave within a 4 month time frame. I am losing 2 full time and one part time income. So ... I've been considering my options as to how to fill those spots and that income. When the first family asked if their son could come one day a week I thought 'okay'. When the second family asked if their 2 children could come one day a week, I thought 'not so okay'. This is not working for me. It makes my day harder and one day of income does not replace 5 days of income ... so why am I even considering this?

I know that I am the only one who can change this sequence of events. I have to sit down and figure out what I can and can't offer. I have to make choices that are best for the way my day runs. And I don't run well with change. I need stability. If I'm stressed out all of the time because of the wind of change that is constantly in the air, I don't have patience for any of the kids. And it's not their fault.

There is an emotional feeling to this that I have to thwart. As parents ask me to keep their children so that they can have a day to themselves, a day to run errands or a day where they can cook supper ... I am no longer complimented. I feel used.

It is time to sit down and set up some guidelines - if only for myself. I need to set limits based on what is best for me. What is best for me, is best for the kids.