Time Outs

On the whole, I don't resort to time outs a lot of the time. My 'angry voice' is pretty scary in and of itself. But when I utilize a time out, it is often for my own sake.

A time out gives both parties a chance to take a breath. When emotions are out of control and a child is very upset (which usually upsets me in an equal proportion), I tell them to breathe. Take 10 deep, deep breaths ... right to the bottom of their lungs. My advise to them is that breathing helps. If you are angry, upset or hurting in any way (physically or mentally) ... breathing helps (and it certainly can't hurt).

When I am upset with the kids or a situation, I find that I need to take those deep breaths. If I'm not calm, I can't diffuse a volatile roller coaster of emotions. So taking a physical time out from the offending child is often as important for me, as it is for them.

I am very much of the thinking that I need to catch a child in the act of a misdemeanor before I punish them. I don't like to rely on hearsay or tattling. If I witness an act worthy of punishing or if a child continues to do something after they've been told not to ... I will time them out. Take time to think about what they did.

The length of the time out depends on the child. The repeat offender who appears to have little or no remorse gets a longer time out. The sensitive child who's feelings are fragile rarely ends up in a time out, but if they do it is a shorter sentence. If I need time to cool down, I base the time out on my own emotions.

Endless bickering, tattling and fighting drives me crazy. In most of the cases I take the stand that 'it takes two to argue'. If I haven't witnessed the beginning of a disagreement, rather than take sides I will time both of them out. The duration of the time out is of their choosing. When they decide to get along, find a resolution to the argument and can be friends again they are free to go.

One of the other occasions I'll time someone out for, is if there is one child who is continually in the middle of every argument, fight or over the top behaviour. If there is a common denominator to a very bad day, I will isolate them.

In each case, before the kids return to play there is a recap of the behaviour that got them into a time out in the first place.

In almost all cases, it is a matter of play nice ... and be friends. If the whole world played by those 2 rules, wouldn't it be a better place?