As a mother of 3 boys, I am simply more used to boys. I have a bias - I admit it. But as my daycare days are running at a 5 or 6 girls to 1 or 2 boy ratio, I'm feeling the stress of my inexperience with girls.
I have been on the receiving end of comments putting down 'boys' in general (due to their tendency to be more boisterous and loud). My boys were not your stereotypical 'boys' (at least not to me), so I really resented when someone lumped boys into one category and labelled them.
So it is not my intent to label boys and girls. I've had girls that are loud and boisterous. I've had boys that have high pitched voices and scream.
But on the whole, there is a difference.
There is a pitch of the voices that is quite different. As a person who is sensitive to noise, this higher tone feels like how a dog whistle must feel to a dog. It's hard to ignore. I've had a yard full of boys that have had voices so loud, that I think they could be heard from a block away. I'm almost certain that I could hear one of these boy's voices from my house (one block away from the school) at recess time. That was also an affront to my senses (and my neighbors, I'm sure).
The other noticeable difference is how they deal with their anger and frustration. Mind you, this changes with each sex as they get older too. The younger they are, the more they immediately retaliate or visibly make their anger known. They blow off steam, get it out of their system and carry on as if nothing happened. As they get older, they are more aware of the ramifications of their actions and they may do something sneaky to get back at someone. Or else they will hold onto the anger and not let it go.
Girls have a reputation of playing mind games ... boys have a reputation of duking it out and then not hold any grudges. I've seen examples of both of those qualities - especially as they get older.
In this recent mix of personalities which is very girl-dominant, I am struggling. There have been times when it has been exactly the opposite - the boys outnumber the girls by far. I don't recall having the same trouble coping. The challenges were different ... but there were still challenges.
As I go through the days and have become rather climatized to the girl dominated scene that run our days, I'm getting accustomed to it. But when it boils right down to the one difference that wears me down the most ... it would be the pitch. Boys may be louder but the girls voices are in the dog whistle range to me.
Everyone's tolerance for differing personalities and behaviours is different. I'm very sensitive to noise, so for me it is all in the noise levels.
No scientific findings. But yes ... there is a difference between the 2 sexes. I'm just more accustomed to boys.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Long Summer Days
I can't believe we are only 2 1/2 weeks into the summer holidays. It's been a very long summer so far.
The challenges of keeping 1 1/2 year olds to 7 1/2 year olds entertained are many. When I first started my daycare, my middle son was 12 years old and he had as much fun playing with the kids (and helping to entertain them), as the kids did.
As the years went on, he grew out of that phase but the kids in my care grew up and as each entered the older ages they seemed to take on the playful attitude of creating fun and games for the younger ones. It was a win-win situation. It kept the older kids entertained and the younger ones happy.
Then my youngest son grew up through the years and he took on the 'fun and games' coordinator role. Again ... everyone was happy. This year, he likes to have more and more time to himself or to play with his own friends. I don't begrudge him any of that - he has spent all 11 years of his life sharing his home, his toys and his mom with a house full of kids. If he wants to take a step away from that, it's okay with me.
The problem that I have this year, is that the older crowd wants to be entertained. They don't want to take on the role of creating games which keeps not only the younger ones entertained, but themselves.
'I'm bored' (I want to be entertained) seems to be the theme of the summer. It starts at the top and works its way down. Granted, the age span is expansive and there is a very high girl to boy ratio. So a lot of them are wishing for a 'buddy' their own age, with their own interests. But I believe it is better to be with a group of children of any age or sex, verses being alone. I believe in utilizing your imagination and finding creative ways of making the best of the situation at hand.
I am not the type of parent who coddled and played with my children excessively. My kids learned to entertain themselves right from the start. I didn't neglect them. I didn't fill every moment of the day with adult stimulation either. I don't treat my daycare family any differently than I did, my own children. I provide a safe home, full of a variety of toys and activities. I can see and hear what is going on; we go outside when we can; and to the neighborhood parks as a treat.
The problem with summer, is that even the special outings become ordinary and mundane if you do the same thing every day. The weather, ages & stages of kids and varying schedules prevent us from doing a lot of gallavanting. But in a way, it helps to keep the outings fresh and exciting when we can go. We haven't had a lot (if any) overly hot summer days. So the water games haven't been happening. Mix kids and water and you've got a winning combination. But so far, that has been rather elusive.
As I write this, I have an (almost) 2 year old; a 2 1/2 year old; a 4 year old and a 5 1/2 year old at play. The voices are happy. Contentment is in the air. But it could change in a moment (and it did ... from a whiny, discontent child ... to the change of activities (coloring in the kitchen) ... and the last arrival of the day (a 3 yr old) ... and someone needing help in the bathroom).
The winds of change, needing to adapt and stop on a dime are always in the air. When the kids are happy, I'm happy. When I'm happy, they're happy.
I think people of all ages (from infanthood to adulthood) should have the ability to make the most of a situation they are in. When your imagination and creativity are allowed to flourish, there is very little to be bored about.
Summer shouldn't be a time of kids wondering what they are going to do with their time. It should be spent living every moment, knowing that these months are fleeting and we must make the most of every moment. Even if it means ... creating your own fun.
The challenges of keeping 1 1/2 year olds to 7 1/2 year olds entertained are many. When I first started my daycare, my middle son was 12 years old and he had as much fun playing with the kids (and helping to entertain them), as the kids did.
As the years went on, he grew out of that phase but the kids in my care grew up and as each entered the older ages they seemed to take on the playful attitude of creating fun and games for the younger ones. It was a win-win situation. It kept the older kids entertained and the younger ones happy.
Then my youngest son grew up through the years and he took on the 'fun and games' coordinator role. Again ... everyone was happy. This year, he likes to have more and more time to himself or to play with his own friends. I don't begrudge him any of that - he has spent all 11 years of his life sharing his home, his toys and his mom with a house full of kids. If he wants to take a step away from that, it's okay with me.
The problem that I have this year, is that the older crowd wants to be entertained. They don't want to take on the role of creating games which keeps not only the younger ones entertained, but themselves.
'I'm bored' (I want to be entertained) seems to be the theme of the summer. It starts at the top and works its way down. Granted, the age span is expansive and there is a very high girl to boy ratio. So a lot of them are wishing for a 'buddy' their own age, with their own interests. But I believe it is better to be with a group of children of any age or sex, verses being alone. I believe in utilizing your imagination and finding creative ways of making the best of the situation at hand.
I am not the type of parent who coddled and played with my children excessively. My kids learned to entertain themselves right from the start. I didn't neglect them. I didn't fill every moment of the day with adult stimulation either. I don't treat my daycare family any differently than I did, my own children. I provide a safe home, full of a variety of toys and activities. I can see and hear what is going on; we go outside when we can; and to the neighborhood parks as a treat.
The problem with summer, is that even the special outings become ordinary and mundane if you do the same thing every day. The weather, ages & stages of kids and varying schedules prevent us from doing a lot of gallavanting. But in a way, it helps to keep the outings fresh and exciting when we can go. We haven't had a lot (if any) overly hot summer days. So the water games haven't been happening. Mix kids and water and you've got a winning combination. But so far, that has been rather elusive.
As I write this, I have an (almost) 2 year old; a 2 1/2 year old; a 4 year old and a 5 1/2 year old at play. The voices are happy. Contentment is in the air. But it could change in a moment (and it did ... from a whiny, discontent child ... to the change of activities (coloring in the kitchen) ... and the last arrival of the day (a 3 yr old) ... and someone needing help in the bathroom).
The winds of change, needing to adapt and stop on a dime are always in the air. When the kids are happy, I'm happy. When I'm happy, they're happy.
I think people of all ages (from infanthood to adulthood) should have the ability to make the most of a situation they are in. When your imagination and creativity are allowed to flourish, there is very little to be bored about.
Summer shouldn't be a time of kids wondering what they are going to do with their time. It should be spent living every moment, knowing that these months are fleeting and we must make the most of every moment. Even if it means ... creating your own fun.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Attitudes
Attitudes are contagious. Negativity spreads like wild fire when left unchecked. And it's been running rampant in my daycare lately.
In writing out my thoughts yesterday morning, I was dwelling on the negative. It was my fingers that did the talking. When I looked at the words I had just typed, I saw: "As this attitude starts from the top, it has a trickle down effect. So it is with attitudes. Starting with mine. I don't really want to be here either. Maybe I'm the one initiating it??"
I have been listening to a litany of words seeping out of the mouths of the kids. It starts with a whisper, but as the thoughts of the oldest trickle down the line I hear the truth from the younger, more vocal ones: "I'm bored. I want my mom to find a new babysitter."
Ouch.
My immediate response is defensive. I was thinking that it's all (the oldest) his/her fault for starting this attitude. 'Everyone else' knows how to use their imagination, the toys at hand and the kids that are here to make the best of the day. 'No one else' complains. Or ... do they??
I looked at myself and my own attitude. I am frustrated with my 'career', overwhelmed in my life, at a loss as to handle the ages and personalities of the kids I have coming here over the summer and I have been sleep walking through the days. Taking the required steps to do what has to be done. But "I'm bored. I want a new day job." is running through my mind most of the day. And I wonder where the kids get the attitude?? Time to examine the source.
Yesterday was one of those perfect days. All the stars were in alignment so that we could take advantage of a beautiful day outside, the right amount of kids (not too many, not too few) to go on an outing, the right personalities to make an 'adventure' possible, the right schedules that allowed us 3 hours of uninterrupted time where we could leave the house (there can be so much coming and going and variance to my parent's schedules). Plus ... I had the ambition and energy to make the most out of the day.
My attitude was carried down the line. I could hear the difference in my voice and the way the kids reacted to it. The words that were volleyed around the day were fun and uplifting. I was still my usual strict rule enforcer ... but I found new words to state the rules. We set out on an 'adventure' and the only rule was: that they had to be on their best behaviour. Because we could turn around and go home at any time.
There was no bickering about what sidewalk space the other child was taking. There were a few minor bumps and crashes but no crying. Our walk was fairly long, but no one complained. As we set out on our adventure, we all carried the knowledge that it could end at any time. So we made the best of each moment.
As each of the kids were picked up, they couldn't wait to tell their parents about our day. That is the goal I should hope to achieve most (if not all) days. I am surrounded in youth. It's time to lighten up my own attitude and take on some of theirs.
It's time for me to pick up the attitude of wonder and appreciation of the moment from those I find myself surrounded by every single day. I'm sitting in the middle of a treasure cove with my eyes closed. All I need to do is open my eyes and follow their lead.
In writing out my thoughts yesterday morning, I was dwelling on the negative. It was my fingers that did the talking. When I looked at the words I had just typed, I saw: "As this attitude starts from the top, it has a trickle down effect. So it is with attitudes. Starting with mine. I don't really want to be here either. Maybe I'm the one initiating it??"
I have been listening to a litany of words seeping out of the mouths of the kids. It starts with a whisper, but as the thoughts of the oldest trickle down the line I hear the truth from the younger, more vocal ones: "I'm bored. I want my mom to find a new babysitter."
Ouch.
My immediate response is defensive. I was thinking that it's all (the oldest) his/her fault for starting this attitude. 'Everyone else' knows how to use their imagination, the toys at hand and the kids that are here to make the best of the day. 'No one else' complains. Or ... do they??
I looked at myself and my own attitude. I am frustrated with my 'career', overwhelmed in my life, at a loss as to handle the ages and personalities of the kids I have coming here over the summer and I have been sleep walking through the days. Taking the required steps to do what has to be done. But "I'm bored. I want a new day job." is running through my mind most of the day. And I wonder where the kids get the attitude?? Time to examine the source.
Yesterday was one of those perfect days. All the stars were in alignment so that we could take advantage of a beautiful day outside, the right amount of kids (not too many, not too few) to go on an outing, the right personalities to make an 'adventure' possible, the right schedules that allowed us 3 hours of uninterrupted time where we could leave the house (there can be so much coming and going and variance to my parent's schedules). Plus ... I had the ambition and energy to make the most out of the day.
My attitude was carried down the line. I could hear the difference in my voice and the way the kids reacted to it. The words that were volleyed around the day were fun and uplifting. I was still my usual strict rule enforcer ... but I found new words to state the rules. We set out on an 'adventure' and the only rule was: that they had to be on their best behaviour. Because we could turn around and go home at any time.
There was no bickering about what sidewalk space the other child was taking. There were a few minor bumps and crashes but no crying. Our walk was fairly long, but no one complained. As we set out on our adventure, we all carried the knowledge that it could end at any time. So we made the best of each moment.
As each of the kids were picked up, they couldn't wait to tell their parents about our day. That is the goal I should hope to achieve most (if not all) days. I am surrounded in youth. It's time to lighten up my own attitude and take on some of theirs.
It's time for me to pick up the attitude of wonder and appreciation of the moment from those I find myself surrounded by every single day. I'm sitting in the middle of a treasure cove with my eyes closed. All I need to do is open my eyes and follow their lead.
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