I have never declined a family from starting here. Once (in my 10 1/2 years of daycare), I have had to ask a family to find other daycare. Recently, I have been wondering if I can start to pick and choose my daycare families.
It seems that there is always one family that just doesn't 'fit'. Either I'm on a different wave length than the parents and we just don't speak the same language. Or the behaviour of the child is a constant drain on my energy. Or the schedule and unreliability of knowing what is happening in my days or income is another source of energy-drain for me.
It is hard to work with parents that don't see me as a person. I am simply 'the babysitter' and there is a respect issue that I battle with.
As parents change their schedules on a dime and expect me to just go with it ... as they call me after the time they are expected to have their child picked up to tell me that they will be even later ... as they (occasionally) forget to pick up their child due to communication break-down between the parents ... I am starting to get frustrated.
I have tried to put guidelines in place so that both the parent and I can know what to expect (schedules and income). I write up my newsletters to keep reminding parents of small housekeeping items that are what I would think are common courtesy. When we are working together, it's important that the respect works both ways. So I try my best to be accommodating.
It seems easier to hold onto a 'challenging' child or set of circumstances, than to accept a new family and the unknowns that go along with that. So I keep talking myself into accepting the fact that the known is better than the unknown.
In the past hour and a half, I have received a phone call from one family to tell me their babysitting needs will be cut in half. Effective immediately. Just a few minutes ago, another family called to tell me she was still at work (I was expecting her to be picking up her child when she called) and she'd be here when she got here. I had already ordered supper to be delivered, at a time that I assumed would give me lots of leeway to have this child gone. Now, my supper will be here before this child is gone. It is such a small thing. But it is so frustrating.
I worked outside of my home for 20 years and I was the one on the end of needing childcare for my children for those 20 years. So I appreciate the working parents dilemmas and challenges. I try to be flexible. But there are times that I simply feel like a door mat. Today is a day like that.
If I could make a change ... would I? Probably not. I'll continue doing what I am doing. At least for now.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tough Love
I'm not a softy when it comes to kids. I give them choices and let them live with their decision.
"You can cry if you want ... but no one wants to hear it. Come on out and play when you are happy."
"If you throw the toy ... I take it; if you put the toy in your mouth ... I take it; if you fight over the toy ... I take it; if you break it ... I take it."
"If you are not going to play nice, play by yourself; if you are going to argue, don't play with each other."
"I've got a bed and I'm not afraid to use it."
"You can cry ... but your mom/dad still have to go to work. That doesn't change. They have to work. You can choose to cry or you can choose to be happy. You'll have a better day if you choose to be happy."
"Staring out the window or sitting there being sad will only make the day go slowly for you. You can join in and play with the kids and have fun. The time will go much faster. It's your choice."
I have many, many mantras and the kids know them by heart. But it basically boils down to "you have a choice". If you play, behave and talk nicely ... you are more than welcome to come and join in on all the games. If you are going to cry/bully/argue ... you are on your own. You choose.
It seems consistency is key. The kids usually find out very quickly that I'm not one to be manipulated and I can out stubborn the best.
Today, my new little guy (just about 2) appeared to have caught on quickly. He's just coming here temporarily due to his mother's health and there is a lot of change happening in his life at the moment. His parents and grandparents are riddled with guilt because there is not a lot of stability in his life and he's used to being home with his mom.
As soon as they drove up into my drive way this morning, he started screaming (this is his third day here). He was unrelentless with his grandma. He grabbed on tight, he cried and tried every single thing he could, so he could go with her. But she eventually did just have to leave. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. He cried/whimpered for 3/4 of the time he was here the last time. I kept checking in on him and telling him he was more than welcome to come and play with the kids ... but he had to be happy. Over and over and over again.
Today, I sat him on the couch and talked to him. Again, telling him he could choose to be happy. I talked, he listened. He stopped crying. For the entirety of the day. He put a little tiny fake smile on his face to show me that he was choosing to be happy. After the performance that he put on for his grandma, I was shocked. I just had to call her immediately and let her know he was okay within minutes of her walking out the door.
I didn't think I was making any headway the last time he was here. But I guess I was. He was listening to me in among all of the tears. He had a very good day today.
I'm tough and unrelentless with my expectations. But 98% of the time, the kids live up to them. It makes this a pretty good place for everyone, when everyone chooses to get along and be happy.
"You can cry if you want ... but no one wants to hear it. Come on out and play when you are happy."
"If you throw the toy ... I take it; if you put the toy in your mouth ... I take it; if you fight over the toy ... I take it; if you break it ... I take it."
"If you are not going to play nice, play by yourself; if you are going to argue, don't play with each other."
"I've got a bed and I'm not afraid to use it."
"You can cry ... but your mom/dad still have to go to work. That doesn't change. They have to work. You can choose to cry or you can choose to be happy. You'll have a better day if you choose to be happy."
"Staring out the window or sitting there being sad will only make the day go slowly for you. You can join in and play with the kids and have fun. The time will go much faster. It's your choice."
I have many, many mantras and the kids know them by heart. But it basically boils down to "you have a choice". If you play, behave and talk nicely ... you are more than welcome to come and join in on all the games. If you are going to cry/bully/argue ... you are on your own. You choose.
It seems consistency is key. The kids usually find out very quickly that I'm not one to be manipulated and I can out stubborn the best.
Today, my new little guy (just about 2) appeared to have caught on quickly. He's just coming here temporarily due to his mother's health and there is a lot of change happening in his life at the moment. His parents and grandparents are riddled with guilt because there is not a lot of stability in his life and he's used to being home with his mom.
As soon as they drove up into my drive way this morning, he started screaming (this is his third day here). He was unrelentless with his grandma. He grabbed on tight, he cried and tried every single thing he could, so he could go with her. But she eventually did just have to leave. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. He cried/whimpered for 3/4 of the time he was here the last time. I kept checking in on him and telling him he was more than welcome to come and play with the kids ... but he had to be happy. Over and over and over again.
Today, I sat him on the couch and talked to him. Again, telling him he could choose to be happy. I talked, he listened. He stopped crying. For the entirety of the day. He put a little tiny fake smile on his face to show me that he was choosing to be happy. After the performance that he put on for his grandma, I was shocked. I just had to call her immediately and let her know he was okay within minutes of her walking out the door.
I didn't think I was making any headway the last time he was here. But I guess I was. He was listening to me in among all of the tears. He had a very good day today.
I'm tough and unrelentless with my expectations. But 98% of the time, the kids live up to them. It makes this a pretty good place for everyone, when everyone chooses to get along and be happy.
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Winds of Change
All 3 of my families that were slated to go on maternity leave between December and April, are now all officially 'on leave'.
I have agreed to take on a revolving door of kids between now and May 1st (when a new full-time family of 2 will start).
I tentatively have one different family slotted in for each day of the week (one will come on Mondays and Fridays). This is a lot of change. This goes against everything that I know works for me. But it's temporary.
I am so excited to have a full time family starting soon! Full-time child care works best for everyone, I believe.
The hours are the same, day after day, week after week, month after month. The kids, the parents and I all get in a routine that simply makes life run so much smoother.
When kids come to day care all day, every day they become like 'family'. They learn quickly how things run here. They see familiar faces every day and the routine of our days are very similar so they soon know what to expect from the day.
The part time schedules make everything harder. From drop offs and pick ups ... to the routines ... to learning the rules ... and toilet training.
I could go on a rant about toilet training as I am presently dealing with 2 young ones in training, that come here once a week or less. 'Nightmare' comes immediately to mind.
Consistency is key to most everything. I like to know what to expect in my day and I think that most of us work best when we know what's what in our world.
I don't do well with the 'winds of change' but since this is temporary, I will tackle it and hope for the best.
I have agreed to take on a revolving door of kids between now and May 1st (when a new full-time family of 2 will start).
I tentatively have one different family slotted in for each day of the week (one will come on Mondays and Fridays). This is a lot of change. This goes against everything that I know works for me. But it's temporary.
I am so excited to have a full time family starting soon! Full-time child care works best for everyone, I believe.
The hours are the same, day after day, week after week, month after month. The kids, the parents and I all get in a routine that simply makes life run so much smoother.
When kids come to day care all day, every day they become like 'family'. They learn quickly how things run here. They see familiar faces every day and the routine of our days are very similar so they soon know what to expect from the day.
The part time schedules make everything harder. From drop offs and pick ups ... to the routines ... to learning the rules ... and toilet training.
I could go on a rant about toilet training as I am presently dealing with 2 young ones in training, that come here once a week or less. 'Nightmare' comes immediately to mind.
Consistency is key to most everything. I like to know what to expect in my day and I think that most of us work best when we know what's what in our world.
I don't do well with the 'winds of change' but since this is temporary, I will tackle it and hope for the best.
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