Toilet Training at Daycare

In the 10+ years that I have been providing day care, I have had a lot of 'experience' in the area of toilet training. And has this made me an expert in the area? Far from it!

As I am presently facing another round of children in the toilet training phase, I am simply going with the flow of what I know.

What do I know?

If toilet training isn't a priority or going well at home ... it won't go well here. If the parents don't have the time or energy to do their part ... no matter what I do here, I have very limited success.

The child has to be ready in some capacity. Their ability to understand the basic nature of 'holding it' is required. A means of communication. The desire to stay dry.

I have had some cases where the child was beyond the stage of 'being ready'. But it was the child's stubbornness to not go on the pot or in the toilet that was the obstacle. I am not above bribes. For the stubborn child, I simply told them "If you go on the pot/toilet, I will give you a prize" (I had several $1.00 'prizes' in the house at the time). The choice was theirs. It was very easy to ignore this option until ... one child in training won a prize ... and they didn't. The sacrifice of losing out on a prize was too much for this child. And eventually, he did make his break through at day care. This is the exception - not the rule (in my experience, so far).

I have tried so many things - from taking the child to the bathroom every hour (a futile effort, with a child that simply doesn't care) ... to holding out and telling them that we can not go to the park until they go to the bathroom first. Once I make a deal, I will not back down from it ... so I have created a few situations that I choose not to repeat. But once I did stick to my deal of taking them to the park ... that child seemed to realize that it was worth their while to quickly 'stick to their end of the bargain'. So I gained some headway with this tactic.

But for the most part, the only time I have success that I can count on ... is when the parent tells me that the child is doing well at home. The child arrives without the protection of a 'pull-up' or diaper and the repercussions from an 'accident' are immediate and obvious. Once this stage arrives at home, we rarely have a problem at daycare.

Presently I have a child in the toilet training phase, that comes one day a week. His mom has told me that he is having a lot of success at home. All I have to do, is ask/take him to the bathroom every half hour. That simply doesn't work in my world. Believe me, I've tried. This child isn't getting the consistency he needs, from my end. I've tried to sit him on the pot, but he shows no interest for me. I just don't have the time to supervise this bathroom visit every half hour, when I have several other children to tend. I'm sure the parent is as exasperated with me as I am with this particular situation.

I am relieved beyond belief, that the next round of kids ready for toilet training are awaiting the arrival of a baby brother or sister. The parent will be on maternity leave very soon and this 'job' will be taken out of my hands.

This is one aspect of my job as a daycare provider, that I admit that I have much to learn. What I have learned is that children do learn to understand the toilet training habit eventually. Every child is unique in what works best for them. Ultimately, the choice to 'go' is theirs. In a world where much is beyond their control, some children hold onto this control longer than others. Consistency is key ... if it isn't working at home, it won't work at day care. Once it is working at home, I will do my part to maintain the consistency at day care.

Just because I have had 3 children of my own and been running my daycare for 10 years doesn't make me an expert. I don't have all of the answers - especially in this area.

This is one area where I admit defeat. The child has control over their own body ... and as much as I'd like to control this situation ... I simply can't.

I wave the white flag! I'll do my part ... when the parent and child is ready. Every half hour, for a child that comes once a week? Maybe later ........

"I Want a New Babysitter"

This was how my week ended. When the mom of one of my long-time 'regulars' picked up her son at the end of the day, he told her that he wanted to get a new babysitter.

These weren't his words. He is a parrot of the most dominant person that he has last been in contact with. Yesterday, it was a 7 year old girl that only comes on school holidays. A little girl that has an older cousin (that I took care of for a while one summer), and I could hear the cousin's words come out in this 7 year old back then ... and I heard them again yesterday.

Thankfully, the mom's reply to her son was, "You are not getting a new babysitter - we need Colleen too much!" This mom and I have a good rapport and we understand each other on many levels. I know that we aren't in 100% agreement on everything, but on the things that are important ... we concur.

I run a very tight ship around here. My expectations never change. The kids know the many phrases that I repeat to 'keep order' and I hear my words coming out of their mouths on many occasions. The true test of how your words sound, are when they come out of the mouths of children. And when I hear my many refrains repeated in the kids, I don't cringe.

Yes, I have a lot of rules and expectations of the kids. But when I listen and watch the kids at play, I see the rewards that we are all reaping. There isn't a lot of screaming, crying, fighting or over the top behaviour. I've had parents comment on how impressed they are, when they come to pick up their kids. Everyone isn't running wild and they all get along so well. Yes, I am strict. Yes, I have rules. Yes, if I was a kid I think that I would think that I am a big meanie. But ... in the long run, I believe they are being taught appropriate behaviours and manners and that you don't have to be screaming to have fun.

I have had very few injuries worthy of mentioning to a parent in my 10 years of providing child care. I believe in 'playing safe'. In kid language, that probably equates to me being overly strict. Accidents will happen but I would prefer that they not happen on my watch. So yes, I am pretty firm with the kids.

Now back to yesterday ...

I had a new child come for 3 hours. A child of a mom that runs a licensed daycare from her home. Immediately I was feeling unreasonably worked up about this scenario. What are the expectations of care when you are tending the child of some one who tends children for a living? What am I doing, accepting another child that will come Mondays and Fridays ... casually and sporadically? I have recognized that this situation is one that creates a lot of grief for me.

But ... everyone has a story. This mom has been in the hospital for over a month on complete bed rest, on orders from her doctor (due to complications with her pregnancy with twins). The dad and grandparents have been taking care of this little boy and they just need someone to take him occasionally, so that they have some time to get their jobs done. So ... how could I say no, when I have 2 days of my week that are predictably quieter than the rest?

Add this to an over-tired me, work that feels like it is piling up and the end of a 9 day marathon of doing/going/thinking/working/ running that has taxed my resources to the max. Do you know what? If I was a child that attended my daycare the last few days ... I think I would want a new babysitter too.

It is time to take a day for myself and recharge my batteries. I need to take care of 'me' before I can do justice to my job of taking care of others.

Out of the mouths of babes ... whether it is them parroting words they hear from me or words they hear from another child that comes here ... they speak the truth.

When children speak ... listen.

The Bane of My Existence

I have zeroed in on the one thing that bothers me above all else in my daycare world. Families that come here sporadically.

I feel like these families throw my day into complete chaos. There is no schedule to their coming and going, very little advance notice, no routine what so ever.

These children come so rarely, that every day that they come feels like a 'first day'. Retraining them on what the expected behaviour is here at daycare is a requirement every time they reappear.

The rules at home seem to be far different from the rules at daycare. And if I try to enforce 'my rules' while the mom is still here - watch out! We are in for a crying session. So, I have to wait until the mom is gone and then my rule of consistency is broken. The kids very quickly catch onto the fact that they can act one way when their parent is here and get away with it. So the retraining period takes the better part of the day. It taxes my resources - my energy and patience is depleted fast.

I have realized that 'these days' are my bad days. I am having less and less bad days. So when I do have one, it stands out. And the reason behind them has come into focus.

I believe that it is up to me to determine what does and doesn't work for me. That is my responsibility. If there is a problem that is recurring and I discover what it is, it is my job to fix it ... or else live with it.

That is what I love about my self-employment career in the world of daycare. I am my own master. If there is a problem, it is up to me to rectify it. If I don't find a workable solution, I can blame no one but myself.

Now that I know what the bane of my existence is .... it is my job to fix it!

Parents Can Only Tell You What They Know

I just had the most heartfelt apology from one of my parents because their schedule has been so up in the air the past several months.

This family is going through a separation and throughout it all (from where I stood), it appeared that they put their children first. The children stayed in the home and the parents rotated back and forth to take care of them so they didn't disrupt their children's lives. That could not have been easy - to share a house but not be together.

On top of that, there is an injury that has had the dad on a reduced work schedule; physio appointments; and ever changing schedules. The dad applied for a job that would have meant working all days (instead of the shift work that he presently works). But that job didn't come through and another is on the horizon. He is on a back to work program due to his injury so we kind of take it a week at a time with an outlook of what we expect in the next month.

In the mean time, the mom works at a very demanding job as well. Her days are long but at least there is a little bit of flexibility at times, so she can manage getting their 5 year old off to kindergarten and back.

There has been an illness and death in the family. It just seems like the winds of change and challenges never end for this family lately.

Before this all transpired, I felt like I didn't know what was going on with this family. Schedules changed and they forgot to tell me. They may or may not bring their kids when I expected them. They would make alternate arrangements with family members for a week at a time and forget to tell me. It was frustrating to say the least. But they paid me a set monthly rate and at least knowing what I would be paid made up for a lot.

The difference between 'then' and 'now' is that now, they keep me informed. I am more aware of their schedule and the fluctuations in their needs than I ever have been. They talk to me and let me know enough of what is happening in their lives so that I can understand the necessity to be flexible for the time being.

Simply knowing what the parents knows is enough. At times like this, it's all I can ask. And I am so grateful that they are offering this information to me and I don't have to be continually questioning them.

Sometimes this is the best that the parents can do. They can't tell you what they don't know, any more than a person can call in sick a day in advance. Just let me know what you know, when you know it ... and I'm okay with that. Apology accepted.