I have had 7 older brother/younger sister combos in the duration of my daycare business. I have had 6 sister/sister; 3 brother/brother; 4 older sister/younger brother and one brother/sister set of twins. So the dynamic that seems to speak loudest to me is the big bro/little sis combination.
At the moment, I am taking care of 3 different big brother/little sister families. And every family that I've babysat for that has this particular dynamic (coincidentally, they have all had a 2 or 3 year age difference), is that in all cases the sister is either the dominant one of the two. Or else she is a rough and tumble kind of girl that takes no guff.
In every case where the big brother was a quiet, laid back kind of guy it seems that the thinking is "She's crying ... I'll let her have what she wants." The rough and tough brothers seem to think it is all part of the game to make their little sister cry. It doesn't seem to matter if the little sister is used to getting her own way all the time or used to fighting to get what she wants ... you drop them off and set them in a room full of kids ... and there is trouble brewing.
I had the bad day of bad days the other day. Between runny noses, incessant dirty diapers, and a toilet training accident I was flustered enough. But the 'little sister' dynamic ... screaming to get their own way ... or bullying to get what they wanted drove me crazy.
The next day, I timed out each 'little sister' after their first offense. I was firm and told them that every time they acted that way, they wouldn't get to play with the kids. Their actions and behaviours were wrong, I let them know in no uncertain terms that it was not going to be tolerated. And there were no further time-outs. It was a miracle.
Why do we keep going in circles with these behaviours? If I keep reacting in the same way to the same behaviour and their actions don't change ... I have to change my reaction, right? The kids will react the same way every single time. There is either tattling, arguing, overpowering and ultimately loud voices and crying that results. Every time.
The bickering that rings in my ears long after my day is over is the part of this job that I could do without.
I've raised only boys and my boys have been separated by 9 to 11 years so I have not had personal experience in raising a family of children that are close in age. But even with my own family, despite the large age difference there has always been a jealousy and control issue that has surfaced that started when the youngest was around 2 years old. I guess that those issues are at the root of a lot of behaviours no matter how old we are ...
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Stealing
Why do kids steal? I'm sure the answers vary upon the child. From the innocence of not knowing it is wrong ... to the simple desire of wanting what isn't yours ... to the thrill of the act of stealing ...
I had a pre-teen that got into trouble with stealing. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that there was a bit of a thrill to it. He had witnessed adults in his life do unscrupulous things and this was a part of the erosion of values that led up to this. Being part of the 'wrong crowd' is another factor. You put it all together and it equals temptation.
One of the children I babysat was caught (after the fact) stealing. She took the 'evidence' home with her and told her parents that she got this from someone at school. When confronted with it the next day, she cried hysterically. She went home and hid the toys ... and the toys were never seen again. I tried to talk to her and she felt so guilty that any time there was any mention of the situation she could only cry. I tried to reason with her and explain to her that the reason that she felt so badly is because she knew what she did was wrong. It would start to feel better when she returned the toys and apologize. She never did. A very long time after that, I heard the tail end of a conversation she was having with another child. She was talking about stealing something (again). I have a bad feeling about this scenario.
I've had toys go home with children on many occasions. In 99% of the cases, the parents make the child bring the toy back and apologize and it doesn't happen again. I had one case where the parent didn't make the child physically bring the missing toy back to me. They just asked me at the end of the day if she returned it (which she hadn't). And that is where that story ended. The child wasn't held accountable and I didn't end up with a feeling that anything was learned, after all was said and done.
Recently, one of the children in my care has taken toys from school. Twice. Each time, the parent has been devastated and made her child return the toy, admit to the teacher what he had done and had a long conversation with him about it. And yet, he did it again. This is a boy who gets anything he asks for. In fact, the parent said that all he would have had to done is ask for the toy and he would have gotten it. That if she didn't get it for him, his dad would. Would that be the root of the problem? He is used to getting what he wants ... so he just figures he can take it? This is a child that has had exceptional reasoning skills since he was 2 years old. His understanding of actions and consequences is well above those of his age group. He has been the victim of someone stealing his toys. Yet, he has taken from others ... twice.
I guess life is a lesson in learning. I admire the parents who make their child accountable and face the natural consequences of their behaviour. Sometimes it takes a few 'lessons' but children will never learn if they aren't taught. The 'why's' of their deeds may remain a mystery ... but in the end, the best thing is to be caught. It is the children that learn that they can get away with stealing that face the bleakest future.
I had a pre-teen that got into trouble with stealing. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that there was a bit of a thrill to it. He had witnessed adults in his life do unscrupulous things and this was a part of the erosion of values that led up to this. Being part of the 'wrong crowd' is another factor. You put it all together and it equals temptation.
One of the children I babysat was caught (after the fact) stealing. She took the 'evidence' home with her and told her parents that she got this from someone at school. When confronted with it the next day, she cried hysterically. She went home and hid the toys ... and the toys were never seen again. I tried to talk to her and she felt so guilty that any time there was any mention of the situation she could only cry. I tried to reason with her and explain to her that the reason that she felt so badly is because she knew what she did was wrong. It would start to feel better when she returned the toys and apologize. She never did. A very long time after that, I heard the tail end of a conversation she was having with another child. She was talking about stealing something (again). I have a bad feeling about this scenario.
I've had toys go home with children on many occasions. In 99% of the cases, the parents make the child bring the toy back and apologize and it doesn't happen again. I had one case where the parent didn't make the child physically bring the missing toy back to me. They just asked me at the end of the day if she returned it (which she hadn't). And that is where that story ended. The child wasn't held accountable and I didn't end up with a feeling that anything was learned, after all was said and done.
Recently, one of the children in my care has taken toys from school. Twice. Each time, the parent has been devastated and made her child return the toy, admit to the teacher what he had done and had a long conversation with him about it. And yet, he did it again. This is a boy who gets anything he asks for. In fact, the parent said that all he would have had to done is ask for the toy and he would have gotten it. That if she didn't get it for him, his dad would. Would that be the root of the problem? He is used to getting what he wants ... so he just figures he can take it? This is a child that has had exceptional reasoning skills since he was 2 years old. His understanding of actions and consequences is well above those of his age group. He has been the victim of someone stealing his toys. Yet, he has taken from others ... twice.
I guess life is a lesson in learning. I admire the parents who make their child accountable and face the natural consequences of their behaviour. Sometimes it takes a few 'lessons' but children will never learn if they aren't taught. The 'why's' of their deeds may remain a mystery ... but in the end, the best thing is to be caught. It is the children that learn that they can get away with stealing that face the bleakest future.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Alone Time
I will be resuming my regular kid-load next week, after a 6 week, doctor-ordered 'work slowdown'. I have still tended my 4 year olds and older - my independent crowd. But I haven't changed a diaper, lifted a child, pushed a stroller, put a child down for a nap or helped feed a child for .. 40 days.
During those 40 days, I have had 9 days where I was completely and totally alone for the 6 hours of the day that the kids were in school. I had 8 afternoons where I was completely and totally alone for the 2 hours the 4 year olds were in preschool. I was alone ... for the first time in what feels like forever.
Being a daycare provider provides precious few opportunities like these. With the varying ages and stages of children, the varying routines of my families and the unexpected changes to those routines (that happen so regularly, they shouldn't be unexpected ... but they always are), there is really no time that I can call my own. 10 1/2 hours of my day are spent working around the schedules of the families in my care. I like to sleep 8 hours ... and in the 5 1/2 hours that are left in my day, I have to squeeze in meals, errands and whatever may need to be done in a day.
Alone-time is a luxury in my world. This post-surgery recovery time has truly been a gift. Quiet. Alone. Time. Time to run an errand ... time to tend to work that I would normally squeeze into my after-supper hours ... time to watch Oprah in the afternoon ... time to doze off ... time to think my own thoughts ... Time.
I feel mentally rejuvenated. My daycare hours have been low-stress these past 6 weeks. It has refuelled me in a way that a regularly scheduled holiday never has. Even during my holidays, I seem to live life in warp-speed trying to squeeze in things that I don't have the time for, in my regularly scheduled life.
I have taken a years leave of absence from my Saturday employment in the hopes that I can hold onto a few hours of down-time, once things get back to their regular hectic pace in my daycare world.
It is my hope to retain of some of this calmness once things pick up around here next week. I think that everyone needs some quiet alone-time. I can especially empathize with those who work in the daycare world, but I believe that absolutely everyone, in every walk of life needs that time alone to rejuvenate themselves for the demands of their every-day life.
This is probably why I am so strict in enforcing 'quiet time' when my house is full of kids. It may not be quite the same as being alone ... but it is at least time to let the world around you be quiet, so that you can rejuvenate a small part of your being.
During those 40 days, I have had 9 days where I was completely and totally alone for the 6 hours of the day that the kids were in school. I had 8 afternoons where I was completely and totally alone for the 2 hours the 4 year olds were in preschool. I was alone ... for the first time in what feels like forever.
Being a daycare provider provides precious few opportunities like these. With the varying ages and stages of children, the varying routines of my families and the unexpected changes to those routines (that happen so regularly, they shouldn't be unexpected ... but they always are), there is really no time that I can call my own. 10 1/2 hours of my day are spent working around the schedules of the families in my care. I like to sleep 8 hours ... and in the 5 1/2 hours that are left in my day, I have to squeeze in meals, errands and whatever may need to be done in a day.
Alone-time is a luxury in my world. This post-surgery recovery time has truly been a gift. Quiet. Alone. Time. Time to run an errand ... time to tend to work that I would normally squeeze into my after-supper hours ... time to watch Oprah in the afternoon ... time to doze off ... time to think my own thoughts ... Time.
I feel mentally rejuvenated. My daycare hours have been low-stress these past 6 weeks. It has refuelled me in a way that a regularly scheduled holiday never has. Even during my holidays, I seem to live life in warp-speed trying to squeeze in things that I don't have the time for, in my regularly scheduled life.
I have taken a years leave of absence from my Saturday employment in the hopes that I can hold onto a few hours of down-time, once things get back to their regular hectic pace in my daycare world.
It is my hope to retain of some of this calmness once things pick up around here next week. I think that everyone needs some quiet alone-time. I can especially empathize with those who work in the daycare world, but I believe that absolutely everyone, in every walk of life needs that time alone to rejuvenate themselves for the demands of their every-day life.
This is probably why I am so strict in enforcing 'quiet time' when my house is full of kids. It may not be quite the same as being alone ... but it is at least time to let the world around you be quiet, so that you can rejuvenate a small part of your being.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Sick Days
I am blessed with good health. In the almost 10 years of running my daycare, I honestly can't say that there has been a day that I haven't felt good enough to open my doors to the kids. Except one ...
It was almost 5 weeks ago when I opened my doors in the morning, even though I was quite certain that my day was going to take me to the hospital emergency room. And I was right.
I required emergency hernia surgery. The doctors and nurses efficiently took care of me. I was wheeled into surgery at 10:45 that night and released from the hospital the next afternoon.
My perfect health record came crashing to a halt immediately. Not only did I require time off during that first week just to recover from the surgery, I was told not to lift anything over 10 pounds for 6 weeks!
I took back my 4 yr olds and older, but I just had to take the full 6 weeks off from my 2 yr old and under group. The downfall of feeling so good, so fast is that I knew if I was around my little ones, it would be a reflex action to lift them up, help them up and push myself beyond my doctor ordered limitations. So I am heeding my doctor's advise.
This has put several of my daycare families scrambling for daycare at a moments notice. And this is something that I avoid at all costs. I worked outside the home and I was the one in need of daycare for the first 20 years of my working life. Any disruptions to my daycare resulted in immediate panic in my world, those days. So this scenario is something I never wanted my parents to face. In fact, this surgery that turned into an emergency, was scheduled to take place next summer during my holidays, with LOTS of advance notice so that my parents would be able to plan around it.
I would love to have a back up babysitter to call, at times like this. But entrusting other people's children with another person, places almost impossible standards upon who I would even consider asking. I have 3 people in my circle of friends and family that don't work full time AND that I would trust with my daycare family. And all 3 of those people place such high standards on the job at hand, that I would only ask in the most dire emergency.
This was the one reason that I chose not to become licensed. It is a requirement that you have at least 2 back up babysitters, so that at a time like this, your families aren't without childcare.
Who, at a moments notice, could 'walk into my world' and take over for 6 weeks?? Its a daunting responsibility. And in my experience with licensed daycare, yes ... they did provide childcare in their absence. But a daycare provider that wasn't of my own choosing didn't work out, more often than not.
This is why I try (as much as humanly possible) to give my parents all the notice that I have, when it comes to taking time off. Unfortunately, I didn't have much notice this time.
But the fact that I do have a good track record with my health, giving ample notice and being available when my parent's lives take unexpected turns ... I must say that my parents have been nothing less than amazing during this doctor-ordered work slow down.
This time off to mend has been a gift in many ways. The biggest gift of all, is the amazing group of parents I work for!
It was almost 5 weeks ago when I opened my doors in the morning, even though I was quite certain that my day was going to take me to the hospital emergency room. And I was right.
I required emergency hernia surgery. The doctors and nurses efficiently took care of me. I was wheeled into surgery at 10:45 that night and released from the hospital the next afternoon.
My perfect health record came crashing to a halt immediately. Not only did I require time off during that first week just to recover from the surgery, I was told not to lift anything over 10 pounds for 6 weeks!
I took back my 4 yr olds and older, but I just had to take the full 6 weeks off from my 2 yr old and under group. The downfall of feeling so good, so fast is that I knew if I was around my little ones, it would be a reflex action to lift them up, help them up and push myself beyond my doctor ordered limitations. So I am heeding my doctor's advise.
This has put several of my daycare families scrambling for daycare at a moments notice. And this is something that I avoid at all costs. I worked outside the home and I was the one in need of daycare for the first 20 years of my working life. Any disruptions to my daycare resulted in immediate panic in my world, those days. So this scenario is something I never wanted my parents to face. In fact, this surgery that turned into an emergency, was scheduled to take place next summer during my holidays, with LOTS of advance notice so that my parents would be able to plan around it.
I would love to have a back up babysitter to call, at times like this. But entrusting other people's children with another person, places almost impossible standards upon who I would even consider asking. I have 3 people in my circle of friends and family that don't work full time AND that I would trust with my daycare family. And all 3 of those people place such high standards on the job at hand, that I would only ask in the most dire emergency.
This was the one reason that I chose not to become licensed. It is a requirement that you have at least 2 back up babysitters, so that at a time like this, your families aren't without childcare.
Who, at a moments notice, could 'walk into my world' and take over for 6 weeks?? Its a daunting responsibility. And in my experience with licensed daycare, yes ... they did provide childcare in their absence. But a daycare provider that wasn't of my own choosing didn't work out, more often than not.
This is why I try (as much as humanly possible) to give my parents all the notice that I have, when it comes to taking time off. Unfortunately, I didn't have much notice this time.
But the fact that I do have a good track record with my health, giving ample notice and being available when my parent's lives take unexpected turns ... I must say that my parents have been nothing less than amazing during this doctor-ordered work slow down.
This time off to mend has been a gift in many ways. The biggest gift of all, is the amazing group of parents I work for!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Quiet Days
It is great for the kids, when the house is abuzz with kids and activity. On a day to day basis, 'busy' in the daycare world is a good thing.
But today, all of the stars were in the right place and I had exactly the right ages and number of kids to take them on an 'adventure'.
The most excitement that I can round up for the kids, on a day when I have more than 4, is a walking trip to the library ... lunch at a close by McDonald's ... and time to play at the park before we walk back home. With all the time it takes to walk, it is a 3 hour round trip. You must have the right ages of kids (there is only room for 2 in the wagon, so the majority must walk), the right weather and the right schedule (on a typical day, I have so much coming and going that leaving the house/yard is next to impossible).
So today ... my heart was racing with excitement as we had a very untypical day planned.
I had only 4 kids, the right amount in need of car seats, the right ages and we were able to go on an adventure to an indoor playground. The kids could play to their hearts content, climb, run, use their 'outside voices'. They could 'spend' their energy, for as long as they wished. From the playground, we picked up McDonald's to take home for lunch. This way they can take home their toy from the Happy Meal and have a keepsake of the day.
It is a rare treat when we can do this, which makes it all the more special. Even I was excited about the day we had in store today!
I love what a quiet day can bring!
But today, all of the stars were in the right place and I had exactly the right ages and number of kids to take them on an 'adventure'.
The most excitement that I can round up for the kids, on a day when I have more than 4, is a walking trip to the library ... lunch at a close by McDonald's ... and time to play at the park before we walk back home. With all the time it takes to walk, it is a 3 hour round trip. You must have the right ages of kids (there is only room for 2 in the wagon, so the majority must walk), the right weather and the right schedule (on a typical day, I have so much coming and going that leaving the house/yard is next to impossible).
So today ... my heart was racing with excitement as we had a very untypical day planned.
I had only 4 kids, the right amount in need of car seats, the right ages and we were able to go on an adventure to an indoor playground. The kids could play to their hearts content, climb, run, use their 'outside voices'. They could 'spend' their energy, for as long as they wished. From the playground, we picked up McDonald's to take home for lunch. This way they can take home their toy from the Happy Meal and have a keepsake of the day.
It is a rare treat when we can do this, which makes it all the more special. Even I was excited about the day we had in store today!
I love what a quiet day can bring!
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